Monday, December 29, 2008

2008: The Randomness in Review

Sorry I've been quiet for a bit- had a serious case of blogger's block but couldn't close out the year without running my mouth.
I just wanted to throw out some thoughts of pure randomness that I came to realize or just thought about from this past year.

As I hold tight to the last of my twenties, I realize that aging is scary but also quite fasinating. What will each new stage bring and not in a negative way? How will my views and position in this world change? Will I finally be the person I wanted to be? And what will it be like to see Beyonce at a come back tour at the age of 60 (you know like when older folks go see Bette Mitler or Tina Turner in concert). Is it mean that I can't wait for her to age and become the old diva she's trying to be?

That going green is so important and so expensive! I'm a recycler to the max (okay, I have a cabinet full of plastic bags and paper I need to turn in to the recycling center but the aim is to recycle all the same). I'd love to do more, buy green products and clothing but, it's a recession and green cleaning products are more expensive than the regular ones! We should get discounts for going green, special tax incentives or something!

That new years resolutions suck but everyone likes to feel renewed. And on that note I plan to give up pork and do some form of fulfilling volunteer work on a regular basis.

That truly: The opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. I heard this somewhere but didn't truly get it until recently. How many people have I passionately disliked but still really cared about or missed or allowed myself to be hurt by? Then I think about the people I also didn't like but just had no feeling for them at all. I mean I didn't care what went on in their lives. Sadly, I think most of the world is very indifferent to one another (how else could we turn our backs to such suffering).

That marriage can be just as scary as Lifetime TV makes it sound. I mean, a man goes to his ex wife's Christmas party and shoots a freakin flame thrower at people, including a child, because, or so it appears, his divorce was finalized. And let's not forget the man who drowned his children while in a custody battle with his ex wife. And it goes on. I'm not saying you have to go into marriage with a ring on one hand and a gun in the other but lately it seems as if people aren't afraid to cross those lines (or rather TV is enabling us to hear more about it).

Which leads me to wonder about people. Like Linus from the Peanut Gallery, I believed that people in general were basicall good and it was just certain persons that were bad. But that bad really spoils us all because for every good act we hear about it get's overshadowed by some other horrific act that remains with us while the good acts do not. And with our world in recession, history shows that crime rises but still I hope for change in the new year.

And what better start than with an African American (well in part) president! He is not the second coming, please do not hold all faith in a man and idolize him but what a powerful symbol for change/hope. My hope is that the new year allows us to look at possibilities differently. For all its faults, we are in a country that allows us to be, think and achieve our dreams if only we try.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Noisy Neighbor Nuisance!

My neighbor is testing my small amount of patience. She has a different person living in her house everytime I look. And by person, I mean dude. Now I don’t judge but the best way to keep your life to yourself is to be quiet about it and that chick doesn’t. I’m already tramatized enough when I awoke to her having "relations" one night (and I heard it all, had I had a gun that night it would have been an ugly scene).

Then her and random dude wanna try again last night. These walls are paper thin, they have to know that, so how disrespectful of them. I’ve already gone up to complain before so they (I say they because every time I’ve knocked on her door a different guy answers instead of her, it got to the point I doubted she even lived there anymore and that maybe some guys took over the one bedroom) know they need to be a little more thoughtful with the noise control but I wasn’t in any mood to leave my aparment in the middle of the night to complain again and doubt they would be please with me “interrupting them”. So in my best passive aggressive way I politely began to hammer my walls like a crack head in the middle of the night.

Low and behold that got their attention but I dared them to come to my apartment with a complaint. I had my speech all ready in my head. It would begin with me not realizing they could hear me hammering my christmas decorations to the wall above the noise they were making. I would be nice and tell them that perhaps we both need to be more considerate of each other to avoid this problem again.

I’m at the point where my sleep is getting deprived and I’m waking up with bags under my eyes. No longer is sleeping in my comfortable queen sized bed a wonderful expereince. Instead I dread going to sleep for fear of being awaken (as usually occurs for the past two months) to her getting it on, her dog running around, her and random dude yelling at each other or watching TV or playing music loudly.

My patience is wearing thin. The noise usually occurs in the middle of the night so I hate to leave my apartment then. I usually seek revenge by being as loud as possible in the morning (but not sure if sound travels up as she lives above me). I’ve been quiet lately as I have devised a plan. I will complain once more to her during day light hours of noise the previous night. Should this not resolve I will complaint to my landlord who is buddy buddy with her so doubt it will do much good. Finally I will bring in the cops! Lastly, I will tell said landlord that I have found employment in another state and get out of my lease (which he said he would not penalize me for if such occurred) and move.

Grrr

Thursday, December 11, 2008

I'm Not Afraid of Lions and Tigers and Bears

Loving the new Jazmine Sullivan single and it kind of broke me out of my bloggers block to write this post.

So I’ve been on a couple of dates with this guy and things are going well. Very well and naturally this draws my suspicion. See being the dating connoisseur that I am (*she says with thick sarcasm laced in her voice*) I believe that it is important to learn from ones past mistakes or else be doomed to repeat them. However, while it is important not to walk into anything full of naivete you also don’t want to have your guard up so high it scares the other person off.

So take this example. A guy brings you flowers just because. You’re still newly dating. There is no holiday or birthday. A naive girl, who does not take note of past experience or other’s warnings, may think “Oh this guy is great. I never got flowers from a guy for no reason before. He must really like me and only mean well. Perhaps he’s the one!.” A pessimistic fully guarded girl might think. “What’s his angle? Does he think he can buy me some flowers and I’m supposed to fall over him into bed?” . Somewhere in the middle might be, “Oh, how nice, that was thoughtful of him. The end.”

I, the ever indecisive and admittedly slightly gullible at times Libra, have a hard time balancing this. I’ve been through so many negative dating experiences that I seem jaded. Obviously that is not a good thing and I am constantly on guard about it. I try my best, on the outside to go with the flow. Yet with friends and in my inner thoughts, I combat the pessimism. Therefore, when I go out on dates and things go well, I can’t help but be guarded and wait for the ball to drop.

Friends say enjoy it while it last but dating is like being on American Idol with me. You’re doing well, make it through a couple weeks and then you get voted off and all the fame/commercials/make up and hair go away as quickly as it came. Dating can be the same way. You meet someone, things are great and then something happens or they meet someone else and everything goes away. Any plans you thought you would have disappear. And like the American Idol contestants, they know that their shot could go in a blink of an eye without any reason and they are kicked back into obscurity. This of course slightly darkens their time on the show because there is always that constant nudge of worry that this week could be the last week.

I’ve come to view dating this way. Especially when things are going well. I know that this is not a great way to think because it will come out in the dating “relationship” in some negative way. For instance, you invite said interest somewhere and they say they can’t go. The “American Idol” thinker might think “oh he has another date with someone else/is really married/doesn’t really like me or want to keep seeing me, therefore I need to pull away and protect myself.”

Friends say “throw your baggage out the window, girl.” But I can’t help but say, “Can I at least keep my purse?”

Sigh.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Look a Likes








I’ve been told most of my life that I look like someone. When I was little (and still) I looked like my mother.

When I was in college everyone thought I looked like Alexis Fields from Sister, Sister.

In my early twenties I looked like Sanaa Latham.

Most recently I’ve been getting a lot of “has anyone ever told you you look like Gabrielle Union?” (and I get that from all races and both genders). Now I don’t feel I look like her at all (not the same color and if I don’t wear my hair straight the similarities just don’t show). I don’t get it but I think she’s pretty so there is worse I could be compared to.

Seeing as none of these women look a like themselves I’m not quite sure what everyone is talking about or maybe I’m just a chameleon.

Anyway, I just always thought it was interesting. To a degree, everyone has someone or even a few people they look like that they aren’t related to. Heck my dad was said to look like Bill Cosby and my sister Keisha Knight Pullman (aka Rudy), I felt left out then. I wanted to be a Huxtable!

This look alike bit led me to wonder if we tend to date with that in mind. Have you ever found yourself dating a certain type visually? I got stuck on that in my younger days. The guys would be in my skin complexion category and clean shaven for the most. Then I started going for the earthy curly haired types. (Incidentally, Lenny Kravitz (post locks) and Maxwell were my celebrity crushes, kind of similar, right?) I got out of that by my early twenties. I tend to not like to date guys who look like guys I dated before. It seems like I’m regressing. It’s a superficial thing but it’s what’s comfortable.

I once went out with a guy I thought looked too much like my brother. I did not care for that and stopped seeing him. His feelings were hurt but I’m sorry I just could not. Nope.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Commerical Songs

No I'm not talking about Top 40 songs but actual songs used in commericials.
I just finished watching the new Adidas Originals Commericaial and am so feelin the song. The group is called Pilooski and the song is an old 60's song (Four Seasons group)that they add a breakin beat to. I tried to find it on itunes, found the group but not this song. Grrr The whole video for the song is on youtube but I attached the commericial version to put it in context.




So that search led me to list a few other commericial songs I adore.

Yael Namin- New Soul



Ting Tings- Shut Up and Let Me Go



Cait Ladee- Take Me Home http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=34f8CHTqbnA



Enur- Calabria 2008



Got any favorites?

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

I hate everyone

No, I'm not pmsing. Sometimes I just get that way, when everything bugs me and I've got no escape from the annoying. I close one door on an annoying person just to turn around and have another one starring right at me.

This is the time of the year to be thankful but no working at a soup kitchen or listening to sad all I want for Christmas stories on the radio can change how I feel right now. I'm just in an extended funk and I'm beginning to wonder if I ever truly came out of it. For example was I simply just in remission from anger at some point?

I know that I need a vacation away from people when even the most non important things get on my nerves, when the usual bothers make me want to pick up a trash can and scream "Radio" (for all those who've seen Do the Right Thing, you know what I mean) and the really bothersome things make me want to tase and/or mace people. I've asked for mace for Christmas but I wonder if in my hands it will be used for good instead of evil.

Okay, so let me categorize the things that get on nerves.

Stupid but bothersome

The plot line on Heroes and Grey's Anatomy upsets me in ways I can't understand.

I just watched really good episodes of Smallville and Supernatural on the CW network and they won't have new episodes until mid January- they get the finger! Bammas!

My expensive Verizon "high speed" Internet isn't fast at ALL!

My landlord is about to catch a foot. When something breaks down don't tell me how to fix it, you come and fix it! If I have to break apart something to get it to work, it's out of my league. Do your job or give me my deposit back!

One of my coworkers keeps wanting to have conversations with me everyday and is bothersome to many. I don't really like her (nor do I trust her, why does she go through my cubicle sometimes when I'm not there, we don't work on any of the same projects and she isn't my back up) but I can't say that and it really is mean to think that way but...


Trash can moments

My job, my team lead got an agency award that should have been a team award because she is not a leader or a good source of guidance. I had to basically train myself and she goes to ME for answers! Meanwhile, I got no award, no real time off and haven't gone to any out of state trainings or get to rotate which my white counterpart got to do and she wasn't as good a worker as I was (yeah, I'm tooting my own horn). Don't let me file an EEO claim!

Thanksgiving dinner with family and their friends- don't wanna go. Some will surely annoy me and with me being in the titled mood, I'm going to have to hold tight to patience.

Another guy I'm seeing, seemed a bit disappointed that I was taking things slow (not the same as the taser guy below). Since when did third date automatically lead to sex? We don't even know each other's last names! No wonder MD has a high rate of STDs! AIDS is the number one killer of black women in my age group- kick rocks. Let's take our time, to quote Ms. Janet!

Upstairs neighbor was blasting hard rock and sounded like they were river dancing at 1130pm on a Sunday night. I stormed up there to politely complain. I expected it to be a woman who I thought lived above me but instead was scared half to death when what appeared to be a Marilyn Manson fan answered the door. He was polite enough but my tone was really pleasant as well. Note to self- don't knock on doors if you don't know who the hell lives there!

Tasing moments

A guy thought it was okay to try to grope me on the end of our date. I let him know I was not down with it and preferred to take things slow (see rationale above) which he didn't seem to respect too much (gave a half assed "I understand") but I said goodbye and left. (A week later he asked me out again...via text. My response- . ) Had I had a taser or some pepper spray the night would have gone differently (provided I had a gas mask so I didn't inhale the spray and was far enough from him to tase him without him grabbing me).

The immature dochebag who tried to grope me at the bar last weekend when I was two stepping with my friends and got on my nerves so bad I had to leave the dance floor or else stab him with my keys. What's with the disrespect? He proceeded to bother me again later on that night and I called him out on it. He walked away this time.

The ass who decided to park behind my building the other night and proceeded to loudly curse out someone on the phone for thirty minutes around 12am on a Wednesday night! If only I had a blow dart!

Okay enough complaining, I feel a little better already but things can surely change if that coworker I mentioned above keeps walking past my cubicle...

*Side note, is it sad that the title of this post comes from a children's book about an angry bee?

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Did he Seriously Call Him a House Negro?

Okay, yet another a negative reaction to Obama's win from Al-Quida. The article isn't that long but to highlight, the number two leader of Al-Quida (an Islamic terrorist group) is unimpressed with Obama's win. He quoted some phrases from Malcolm X's speech pertaining to house slaves and field slaves. He called Obama ,along with Condi Rice and Colin Powell, house negros. He stated that Obama's support of Isreal shows that he is an ememy of Muslims and called for American Muslims to not believe the Obama hype (well not in those words but you get the picture).


So okay, I have to pause and say I am a bit surprised that this terrorist dude (don't much feel like using his name) even knows about Malcom's statements regarding this and knew how to use it (although I don't necessarily agree). It always surprises me how far the history of America's race relations travels but then again if I knew about South Africa's strife then why not others know about us?


Still, I hope other more sane Muslim countries are willing to give Obama a try.


On the flip side, this comes out around the same time Isreal is backing out of the UN World talks on Racism because they believe the focus will be biased and mostly on the treatment of Palestineans (Muslims) in Isreal. Which is a shame because the focus should be more balanced so that every group feels comfortable to talk. This issue is too big world wide to have people not all come to the table. As an aside, for reasons I don't know for sure, the US (who is also considering backing out of the talks) has always appeared to have sided with the Jewish community in Isreal ( a forever long battle over land that I could not even begin to try to figure out the right ones and wrong ones). I haven't looked into why but I'm sure it does nothing to aid in our relationships with Muslim dominated countries.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Music On My Mind This Month

Been a while but I got a couple of musical comments to make again.

First I must begin with Ms. Beyonce. Love your Single Ladies song (what a great work out tune) but your album- sorry BK just not feeling it- Sadness.

But on to what I do like:
A new group called The Script- Before the Worst - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ON30LOTsRks (adult contemporary mixed with a tinge of soul)

Kevin Little (with unfortunately Lil Wayne)- Let it Rock - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMsWV8bgHbg

T.I. with Kanye, again that Lil Wayne, Jay Z and M.I.A.- Swagga (I'm a sucka for a rap compilation)-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ai-5r9I4V1s

Jack White and Alicia Keys- Another Way to Die (James Bond theme song)-http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hM5UJvnbbuY
I'm always into the James Bond Songs (Diamonds are Forever- Shirely Bassy, Die Another Day- Madonna, Golden Eye-Tina Turner are some of my past favorite theme songs)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Obama wins and hate crimes rise: Who's surprised?

For all the talk of Obama's win meaning race relations have changed there is hidden talk of what this new "change" means for those really not ready to let go of the America's racist past.
I had to post this Yahoo article in it's entirety but if you don't have time to read it I did high light some sections of interest. From talk of sucession to the increase in those joining hate groups Obama's win will keep the government on thier toes in more areas than they thought. My feelings: sadness. It's really time to move on and get this country past the idea that race defines everything. Oddly enough the article quotes that some southern whites feel that the nation their forefather's built has now been stolen from them. *Sighs* Now you know just a little of how it feels to be Native American in this country. Not to mention that the alleged forefather's didn't build anything on their own. This land is, afterall, "our land and made for you and me" as the song goes. Won't they have many strokes, should they still be alive, when in 2040 they find themselves part of the minority in this country. Change is good. But, you can't please everyone and I saw...screw 'em. Hey, they can always immigrate to Mexico...

After Obama's win, white backlash festers in US

By Patrik Jonsson Patrik Jonsson – Mon Nov 17, 3:00 am ET

Atlanta – In rural Georgia, a group of high-schoolers gets a visit from the Secret Service after posting "inappropriate" comments about President-elect Barack Obama on the Web. In Raleigh, N.C., four college students admit to spraying race-tinged graffiti in a pedestrian tunnel after the election. On Nov. 6, a cross burns on the lawn of a biracial couple in Apolacon Township, Pa.
The election of America's first black president has triggered more than 200 hate-related incidents, according to the Southern Poverty Law Center – a record in modern presidential elections. Moreover, the white nationalist movement, bemoaning an election that confirmed voters' comfort with a multiracial demography, expects Mr. Obama's election to be a potent recruiting tool – one that watchdog groups warn could give new impetus to a mostly defanged fringe element.
Most election-related threats have so far been little more than juvenile pranks. But the political marginalization of certain Southern whites, economic distress in rural areas, and a White House occupant who symbolizes a multiethnic United States could combine to produce a backlash against what some have heralded as the dawn of a postracial America. In some parts of the South, there's even talk of secession.
"Most of this movement is not violent, but there is a substantive underbelly that is violent and does try to make a bridge to people who feel disenfranchised," says Brian Levin of the Center for the Study of Hate and Extremism at California State University, San Bernardino. "The question is: Will this swirl become a tornado or just an ill wind? We're not there yet, but there's dust on the horizon, a swirling of wind, and the atmospherics are getting put together for [conflict]."
Though postelection racist incidents haven't posed any real danger to society or the president-elect, law enforcement is taking note.
"We're trying to be out there at the cutting edge of this and trying to stay ahead of groups that are emerging," says Special Agent Darrin Blackford, a spokesman for the Secret Service, which guards the US president.
"Anytime you start seeing [extremist propaganda] floating around, you have to be concerned," adds Lt. Gary Thornberry of the Oklahoma Highway Patrol, a member of the FBI's Joint Terrorism Task Force. "As far as it being an alarmist situation, I don't see that yet. From a law enforcement point of view, you have to be careful, because it's not illegal to have an ideology."
After sparking conflict and showdowns in the 1990s – think Ruby Ridge, Waco, the Oklahoma City bombing – white supremacist and nationalist groups began this century largely splintered and powerless. Though high immigration levels helped boost the number of hate groups from 602 in 2000 to 888 in 2007, key leaders of such groups had died, been imprisoned, or were otherwise marginalized.
But postelection, at least two white nationalist websites – Stormfront and the Council of Conservative Citizens – report their servers have crashed because of heavy traffic. The League of the South, a secessionist group, says Web hits jumped from 50,000 a month to 300,000 since Nov. 4, and its phones are ringing off the hook.
"The vitriol is flailing out shotgun-style," says Mr. Levin. "They recognize Obama as a tipping point, the perfect storm in the narrative of the hate world – the apocalypse that they've been moaning about has come true."
Supremacist propaganda is already on the upswing. In Oklahoma, fringe groups have distributed anti-Obama propaganda through newspapers and taped it to home mail boxes. Ugly incidents such as cross-burnings, assassination betting pools, and Obama effigies are also being reported from Maine to Alabama.
The Ku Klux Klan has been tied to recent news events, as well. Two Tennessee men implicated for plotting to kill 88 black men, including Obama, were tied to the KKK chapter whose leader was convicted in a civil trial in Brandenburg, Ky., last week, for inciting violence. The murder last week in Louisiana of a KKK initiate, allegedly killed after trying to back out of joining, came at the hands of a new group called Sons of Dixie, authorities say.
"We're not looking at a race war or anything close to it, but ... what we are seeing now is undeniably a fairly major backlash by some subset of the white population," says Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Report in Montomgery, Ala. "Many whites feel that the country their forefathers built has been ... stolen from them, so there's in some places a real boiling rage, and that can only become worse as more people lose jobs."
In an election in which barely 20 percent of native Southern whites in Deep South states voted for Obama, the newly apparent political clout of "outsiders" and people of color has been unnerving to some.
"In states like Mississippi, Louisiana, and Alabama, there was extraordinary racial polarization in the vote," says Merle Black, a political scientist at Emory University in Atlanta. "Black Americans really do believe that Obama is going to represent their interests and views in ways that they haven't been before, and, in the Deep South, whites feel exactly the opposite."
But for nonviolent secessionist groups like the League of the South, the hope is for a more vigorous debate about the direction of the US and the South's role in it, says Michael Tuggle, a League blogger in North Carolina.
Mr. Tuggle says his group isn't looking for an 1860-style secession but, rather, a model that Spain, for one, is moving toward, in which "there's a great deal of autonomy for constituent regions" – a foil to what is seen as unchecked, dangerous federal power in Washington.
"To a lot of people, the idea of secession doesn't seem so crazy anymore," says Tuggle. "People are talking about how left out they feel, ... and they feel that something strange and radical has taken over our country."

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Deal Breakers

Yes, yet another post on dating. Now that the election is over I can go back to the more important things in life (kidding!).

In dating and relationships what are some things, superficial or deeper, that you cannot deal with at all?

Here are a few on my list:

Deeper

Unemployed guy -I don’t want to be anyone’s suga mama
Guy with no car -we are not in New York and I don’t like being a chauffer all the time
Guy with baby mama drama -I prefer a guy with no kids but I am absolutely out if he can’t seem to develop an appropriate relationship with the mother of his child or doesn’t pay child support
Guy who can’t speak proper English -he must have at least graduated high school and can carry an educated conversation without sounding like Damon Wayne’s convict character from In Living Color
No ex or current convicts- Unless you were a political prisoner (and even then) this is a no go
No drug addicts/alcoholics- this is very bad drama here
Must not be married -should go without saying but goes to even those who are separated unless it’s been almost a year which is the time you have to wait to get a no fault divorce, anything sooner is just well, too soon
Effeminate men- If we see a bug in the corner of the room and your scream is louder than mine we have a problem.
Socially uncouth- Sorry can’t continue to date a guy who picks his nose in front of me or belches or farts without excusing himself. Can’t be messy or gross.

Superficial

Obese guys -a few extra pounds aren’t too bad and can easily be shed but a man who has boobs larger than mine or can’t go on a hike with me because he loses breath too quickly is a no go
A guy who can’t see straight -I’m sorry I just can’ date a cock eyed guy, throws me off
Bad kisser- I’m actually mixed on this one. If a guy sets his ego aside and you say it gently enough you can kind of help him out, hopefully, otherwise it’s a no go
Guys who are too old or two young- age ain’t nothing but a number but there is a limit. I can’t date someone old enough to be my dad (vomits in mouth a little) or young enough to be a cast member in High School Musical nor am I into the whole cougar thing (although I’m a long way from that yet)
Smelly guys- gotta be able to breathe when I’m around you, no compromise on that
Bad teeth- I’m talking horrendous here, you don’t need a perfect set of pearly whites but no missing front teeth, no grills, no mangled-been -eating -rocks teeth
Short men- now I’m short so my definition is a little more open. The man simply cannot be shorter than or as tall as me in flats.

Tolerable things that you can change later on (that isn’t under the whole you can’t change a man theory)

Bad dresser -buy him only clothes for his birthday and Christmas, he won’t complain if he looks good in them or just go shopping with him
Balding -encourage him to shave it all off but as he gets older (say over 45) this just comes with the territory, dating a 20/early 30 something with George Jefferson hair is not cute.
Hairy -unless he looks like one of those Gieco guys this isn’t really a deal breaker, at the most encourage him to shave

What’s on your list?

Monday, November 10, 2008

The Dating Game: Perfection vs. Flaws

It's been a while since I did a post on dating but I had some random thoughts. I've written about the whole chemistry vs. practicality bit and have come to a realization through all my dating trials and tribulations that I prefer good conversation and not necessarily any overwhelming chemistry on the first couple or few dates. Chemistry is important but sometimes it can be deceptive and throw you off track. I'm not saying if you don't feel the slightest bit of attraction to someone wait it out. If the person visually doses nothing for you, you aren't going to want to continue dating them, it'll seem more like work than fun. And chemistry exisit for a reason.

Call me jaded, but I just don't like the idea of getting swept up in chemistry. The idea, for me, is to really get a chance to see the person and gain a solid connection. Stay clear headed enough to not fall for the "hype" and, instead, see the real. Again, this is ideal but not always the case.

I have had several coworkers and friends warn me about men that are full of the "hype" aka do every thing perfectly. They say if you meet a guy who you have little complaints about and who knows how to romance you above and beyond the norm then something is wrong. Now initially it would seem like such a pessimistic view to assume that if everything is right something, therefore, must be wrong. But they had a certain logic to their views (and these are all women who are older and married who said this). The thought is that a "perfect man" is actually a player. He knows women, knows their wants and knows how to give it to them. They study women. They gave me several real life examples. The worst being a woman who bragged about how wonderful her husband was, how they never argued and how he always did great things for her. She later found out he had a whole seperate family somewhere else. Another example, was the woman who had a boyfriend of three years who did and said all the right things, said he wanted to marry her, took her house hunting. She found out he had a woman in several states.

The point they were making is that a "good/faithful" man is one who comes with a few flaws. He may not know all the ways to make a woman happy and that you'll have to school him- ever so lovingly of course. They weren't stating that you change him. He'll be who he'll be. Rather the change will be in how he treats you. For instance, one coworker stated that she mentioned to her husband that she loves flowers. Speaking in generalities, the player would know this instantly and show up with flowers on a date. The average good guy might need that message gently repeated several times before he follows through. It took him a very long time but her husband eventually got it.

I said to her, this seems like work. She replied, yes it is but the outcome is worth it. It's a practice in tolerance and patience.

Her advise echoed a bit of the adivse from the author of the book Why Men Cheat, Gary Neuman who also appeared on Oprah. Neuman stated that men, in general, like to feel appriciated and want to feel useful and be praised. When they don't get that, they sometimes cheat. Some women felt that this seemed like a lot of work. To praise a man for taking out the trash? Women don't expect such praise. The Neuman admitted that it wasn't fair but he, like my coworker, simply acknowleged that although men may be physically stronger than women in many ways they can be emotionally more sensitive. I'll preserve my opinions on that but I will say the logic seems sound.

Therefore, per my coworkers logic, if you let a guy know how what he does can help you for the better, rather than nagging or not saying anything, he will be more inclined to do it. He will feel like he is appriciated and helpful and you get what you want. It's a simple give and take really. Not so simple is that you have to constantly work at it. My coworker, inisist that you cannot expect a man to be something or do something, watch out for those she says. If you want to be romanced, tell him what you like. If you don't carry the expectations you won't be let down and you won't pass over a good guy who doesn't mind learning about what you like.

Sound advice but it's so hard for women to hear when we've been raised on fairy tales where men just know what to do.

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Yes We Can- Yes We Did- Yes We Must...


Oh so many things going on in my head right now and I don't want to ramble so I'll be organized!


Obama Won- First Black President!

If there are any young people out there still thinking that the "man" is keeping us down and we can never reach our dreams, stop it now! Now, I'm real enough to know that this doesn't mean racism is dead. I work in civil rights law, unfortunately (but fortunately I have a job) prejudice is keeping me employed. However if this isn't a major step in the rethinking of America what is? Obama got more votes from white America than even Gore or John Kerry did.


And while I admit, I was late to the bandwagon and was initially a Clinton supporter when she lost I had no problems with moving on and doing my part to help change come. And so did many Americans. I waited in an hour and a half line to vote and I would have waited much much longer for this vote! People were crying and others screams of joys as they voted. This was powerful!


The Reaction

When my mother woke me up to tell me he won (I refused to follow and be mislead by the media still healing from the Gore v. Bush wounds where I went to bed with Gore the projected winner and woke up with Bush!) I turned on the TV and many channels were showing the black reaction. People in tears (including Jesse Jackson and Oprah). I started tearing up as well at the possibilities this meant. I hope this places some type of change on the black community and how we treat each other and achieve success.


But this isn't just a black triumph, after all he couldn't have won with just our vote. He got most of the Hispanic and young vote. And as Solidad Obrien pointed out last night, this vote was a clear indicator of what our world is to become in 2050 where minorities as a group will be the majority in this country if we work together. Obama got the majority of the minority vote and that helped him win. The most recent number I've heard so far as to the percentage of the white vote he received was about 44% so it's clear to understand the power of the vote to other minority groups, something it appears McCain (who did a very humble and positive speech last night) might have took for granted.


But all his supporters were joyous as I flipped through the TV stations and saw the diversity in the crowds all over the country and world (people were jumping up and down in Paris, London, Japan, Kenya!). I live in a mostly white neighborhood in the city with a make up of mostly young art students, gay men, young professionals and wealthy people. From about 11-1am last night (at least until I fell asleep) I heard car honkings and cries of joy through the streets. This win transcends color. How encouraging.


Yes We Must

Obama's speech indicated that change hadn't finished and we must all sacrifice a little to help. I'm fine with that. I only hope others understand that change won't come overnight and it won't come easy. I can't help but feel he'll be judged a little stronger than past presidents but I'm hoping people are patient and give him a real fighting chance.


I also hope he has the best security ever invented. I'm talking, protective snipers on roofs, hidden body guards in the audience, bullet proff windows. Heck if he could walk around with a force shield on I'd feel better. Somewhere in the back of mind while watching him on stage last night with no body guards with him, I couldn't help but worry about some fool assassinating him. Even before he won there were plots on his life. Let's hope/pray/wish that this time our history will be different and better.


Now I'm going to go listen to some Sam Cook "Change going to come"

Monday, November 3, 2008

A life changing vote

I heard this on the radio this morning and had to share/comment if you didn't hear about it.
A woman by the name of Amanda (forgot the last name) who was born in 1899 and the child of a slave just voted yesterday at the age of 109. Can you imagine all that she has lived through? From the immediate effects of slavery, to Jim Crow to MLK to the possibility of a black president?

I would think she never imagined in her life time and the type of injustices she has surely seen that she could imagine an election such as this!

And not just on a racial front, she was a woman and women did not receive the right to vote until about 1920 so she lived through disenfranchisement to the (hopefully not) possibility of a female vice president, not to mention a democratic presidential campaign where the top candidates was a woman and a black man. What a real life progression for her!

I believed that in my lifetime I would see a minority or female president but I thought I would be much much older. On the show, the DJ said the smallest children of today will only know, at least for the first four to eight years of their lives, a minority president or a female vice president. The hope is that they see that and truly believe that anything is possible and hopefully to be more tolerant of one another.

I can only hope what having a black president would do for the image of the black man. People in our generation didn't have an MLK or Malcolm or WEB Duboise and so forth to look up to. Our biggest successes were athletes and rappers (even the respected actors like Morgan Freeman or Denzel Washington or Don Cheadle don't have the kind of clout that Diddy or Micheal Jordan has). This effects what our young aspire to be (speaking in generalities). What would it mean to have the most powerful black man be president? Would this make a difference, if even a small one, on the black, particularly male, youth? Hopefully we will get a chance to see...

VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*get's off soap box*

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Boo: A Halloween tribute

So Halloween is coming up and I, just like a kid get excited for it. As a child doned a costume and I gorged myself on candy and horror movies/ specials/cartoons.

As an adult I cut back on the candy but have in recent years gone back to dressing up. Adults like make believe too!
So this year some friends and I are rocking a Halloween tribute to our favorite make believe girl band of the 80's: Jem and the Holograms.

We're heading downtown and plan to mix and mingle with the other Halloween enthusiasts.

I, like most girls of the 80s loved this cartoon. It was diverse and glamourous.
There was Jem the stage identity of Jerrica who sung the lead.
Then we have her red headed sister Kimber on keyboard.
Next the adopted purple haired sister Shana on drums and guitar.
Another adopted blue haired sister Aja on guitar.
Later in the series comes pink haired Raya to take over on drums.
I remember my sister getting the Jem doll and we got the jem car complete with working radio.
I got the Aja doll (I really wanted Shana because she was African American but they were sold out so I got Aja as back up because she was Chinese and I wanted a minority representative, this was before Raya (Mexican) entered the group).

So this Friday my friends and I are going to relive our child hood fantasy and dress up as our beloved characters. We will of course look like clowns in our 80s make up and gear but it should be fun.
Anyone else dressing up?
Next in my tribute I had to do a count down of my top horror films.
I am a self appointed horror aficionado and MUST stuff myself with horror films (both new and old) during the month of October. Here are some of my favorites/recommendations and why:
Alien/Aliens- I place them both because they are equally good. While some may claim them science fiction I say if it scares me it's horror. It wasn't just the monsters that did it but the suspense and the great character development and I'm sorry Sigorney Weaver's character is the best female movie hero of all time. I hope I can be that strong in time of horrifying crisis but I'm leaning towards the running away screaming or passing out in fright as the real reality.
The Exorcist- I hated that little girl but she still scared me. When I saw her bend back wards and walk down the stairs at her mother's dinner party I was too through. This was only intensified by the random appearances of a demon face in random parts of the movie (check the unrated version), scared me! And the fact that it was based on a true story.
30 Days of Night- this movie is new but it brings the whole vampire lore back to its unsexy past. These are vampires you do NOT want biting you under any circumstances!
Dawn of the Dead (remake)- these zombies are not like the slow moving beings in the original. If you are caught out there with these guys, you're gone. Apparently being a zombie makes you a track star! Also great character interaction.

The Ring (American Version)- Okay, I really don't like this movie but not because it wasn't good- I don't like it because after seeing it once I was literally scared for 7 days. I shall never watch this movie again... Same goes with The Grudge
The Thing (John Carpenter version)- great horror special effects for its time, great scary build up
Most Stephen King movies but favorites- The Mist (very desolate, creepy), The Stand (long but great characters), It (confirms why I hate clowns) , Carrie (don't mess with the unpopular girl), and the Shining (makes being snowed in not so fun).
Poltergeist- Not so scary to me as an adult (hey if they show it on ABC Family how scary can it be?) but still a classic I love to watch. The fact that it is based on a true story also makes it scare worthy.
Any others?












Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Scare Tactics

I’ll try to keep my rant to a minimum but I will preface my concern with this: if you are an Obama supporter, you must show up at the polls on Tuesday November 4th and vote, long line and all. Heck, if I can stand in a line in the dark, cold, rain for a sale at Wal-Mart after Thanksgiving, I sure can stand in a line to vote for the next president of the United States!

Anyway, I say all that to say, yes Obama is in the lead but what really counts is if all his supporters show up and vote. And democrat supporters aren’t as fierce as the republican supporters. And these republican supporters have no problem with speaking out for their McCain/Palin ticket, even if some of the things they say are angry and racist. He’s been called everything from “that one” to a socialist and he’s taken it all in stride.

He’s facing threats against his life and his fans have faced false charges of assault (less we forget the moron who made up the claim that a ‘b’ was carved in her face by Obama supporters to the two skin heads plotting to take him along with 100 other black people out, to the man whose Obama/Biden sign was defaced in front of his home).

This election should transcend race but in the face of a possible win for Obama, the fight has changed and some people are grasping at their most basic weapons- hate. McCain alleged he would fight a clean campaign but he hasn’t encouraged his supporters to nor has he done so himself. And perhaps Obama will pull out all the stops in his thirty minute segment tomorrow on TV, no one’s perfect but some of these attacks against him are a little personal and unfounded. Showing some republicans can’t hold it together when the chips are down. Obama’s cool demeanor is admirable and had McCain had such a demeanor and his supporters as well, perhaps he might be doing better (that and if he actually chose a running mate that had some weight outside of being a fashion icon- I must admit her wardrobe rocks, but she’s not running for Ms. America).

And before us Obama supporters get too comfortable, remember Bush v. Gore, Obama needs to have that electoral vote (which so far he has) apparently the popular vote isn’t enough. And then there is the media’s hype that some Obama supporters, particularly white supporters, might get stage or rather vote fright and decide they really just can’t vote for a black man. I’d really like to think better of us. If America is still stuck on this mentality I’m not sure we can really grow for the better but this election will surely help define where we’ve gone or not gone in our race relations.

Finally, all the hype about the long lines (in some places people waited up to 9 hours!) to vote, don’t get scared off- pack a back pack with some necessities, tag team and go with some friends and make an event of it- just go and do what you gotta do. I have no plans on waiting out there that long to vote but you better believe I will if I’m surprised and my usually tame voting site has a line a mile long. I’ll call my job and tell them I’ll see ‘em when I see ‘em!

As an aside- I haven’t seen them yet but am very pleased to see that Comedy Central has given David Allen Grier his own Daily Show type series Chocolate News and CNN (wow!) gave D.L. Hugely his own version called D.L. Hugely Breaks the News. Reviews for both are mixed but I’ll have to take some time to watch them both and check them out. If you’ve seen either let me know!

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Vegas Recap

Okay, I’m back from Vegas (sigh) and am hit with the rather cold reality (what the hell ever happened to it gradually getting colder) that I have no more vacation to look forward to. I must plan another trip- sadness that I live for vacation, I really need to find another line of work or do something that is more fulfilling.

Anywho, here is an edited account of my Vegas birthday bash.
I arrived in Vegas in the afternoon last Friday. I was ravenous so after we waited in an incredibly long line at the Treasure Island Hotel and Casino check in; we freshened up and headed to the buffet. It was so-so, I really wanted to go to the Bellagio’s but our stomachs wouldn’t let us take the trip.

After the so-so meal we headed off to the Fashion Show Mall where I bought a few items (I’d been depriving myself of my shopping addiction for months just for this). I must say, that it wasn’t that easy to find things, although the sales were excellent. Isn’t it always that when you don’t have money you find things you want but when you have money you can barely find anything? Anywho, I did discover that my weight loss put me at a pants/jean size smaller so I’m ecstatic!

My travel buddies got tired of shopping and left me and I eventually met up with them at the hotel. We rested a bit and then got dolled up to go out.

Now let me tell you something about going out in Vegas. If you are a woman, I must say the sky is the limit because clubs want women. And I’m speaking the top level/celebrity clubs too. We got so many offers to be put on the guest lists for places that we had to have a discussion about which ones to go to and which ones to save for another trip (because we will be going back, this is my second time there already).

We ended up at Tao in the Venetian. Got VIP access, no lines, and a one hour open bar. The creator of Family Guy was celebrating his birthday there that night and I meant to find him and get his autograph for a friend who really likes him but let’s just say- open bar- things didn’t go as planned. Anywho, Tao was a lot of fun and a very pretty club.

Next morning, I had breakfast and went back to sleep. We got out around 1pm and walked the Vegas strip, checking out sites and hotels. We ended up at Planet Hollywood where we grabbed a very inexpensive lunch at a sit down restaurant and then did a bit more shopping. We then walked the other side of the strip. Went in the casino of one hotel, played slots, had a drink and then headed back to the hotel. Took a nap and got dolled up (me complete with my birthday tiara-no judgments!) and headed out to Blush at the Wynn. We were supposed to be on the guest list but arrived too late (10:30!) so couldn’t get in because the celebrities were allegedly showing up and no one could get in for the next hour or two. Screw that, we said and we headed to another spot called Poetry in Caesars Palace. This is a hip hop club but we figured its Vegas and in a nice hotel so it’ll be classy. Wrong!

Something about women being dolled up in their dresses and heels and men in long T shirts and baggy jeans that didn’t sit right with me. We high tailed it out of there and made our way to another club called Pure in the same hotel.

We were not on the list here and the door men were WAAAYYY picky about letting people in. It was one of those spots where they look you over and such to let you in. Women obviously having the better luck. I hate places like that and if we hadn’t wasted a ten dollar cab ride to go over there for the Poetry club, I’d have gone to another spot whose guest list we were on (by the way guest list close at midnight and it was close to that hour by then). Anywho, I finally caught the door man’s eye and he eventually let us in for free of course! Anyway, Pure was a great time. Very large and many rooms. The Pussycat Dolls have a nightly show there in their own room so we checked it out.

We made it back to the hotel and grabbed a quick bite before sleeping. One of our friends was leaving the next day so when we awoke she was gone. Mind you we woke at 630am for some odd reason. So we decided to make the best of it and hit Caesars Palace for their awesome spa Qua. We just got day passes and did their saunas and roman baths, tea room and great showers. It was the BEST experience ever. My skin was all glowy and I lost two pounds and my friend lost 5 pounds. Just from lounging in a hot climate. They need a place like that here!

We then went to check out some free shows and sites, played more slots, and headed back for a nap. I got up and headed to the mall again for something and we then went out to dinner. We spoke to some guys we’d been encountering all weekend who invited us to come to a club called Body English where they had a reserved table. We were indecisive but told them we’d contact them later. They were nice and cute but we were so tired! After dinner we went back to the hotel for a nap. When I woke up it was late and my eyes were still red from being sleepy and worst yet my ankle was throbbing, guess the sprain was not completely gone. So we passed on going out. We caught a show in our hotel and then went to sleep.

The next morning we left at the butt crack of dawn and headed home. Sigh, I’ll be back in 2009 for sure!

Monday, October 13, 2008

I think I'm Spike Lee's hype man

Oprah said the Spike Lee's Miracle at St. Anna was great. Then two coworkers who are familiar with my movie taste said the movie was great and recommended I see it. So a friend and I did check it out over the weekend and I have to say that I LOVED that movie!

It looks like a war movie about the Buffalo soldiers (black army in World War II) but it was oh so much more. The fighting war part of it was only a backdrop and part of the story but not the center. Many side plots, very touching and of course many miracles. It had a few flaws but over all I enjoyed it even though it was long. Spike Lee has really told a story, in my opinion, as good as his Malcom X tale which I believe was his greatest work (I've seen just about all his movies and some are better than others). It's also based on a book if you are a reader. Anywho I'm spreading the word (since the media isn't) and telling people to go check it all!


As a side note here are two things that I'm confused about:

How did Eminem get listed as Vibes best living rapper of all time? Top ten list okay but better than everyone. I'm no great rap head at all and tend to sway towards the conscious bit but he even beat out Jay Z so I gotta scratch my head on this.

Check this blog for an explanation and the bloggers reasoning on why the rating is a bit whack-



The stock market raising almost 1000 points. Great news, for darn sure but how'd it happen? Does this mean things are going to get better or is this simply an eye in the middle of the financial storm. I'm weary about getting too happy here.


Final note-

I'm going to Vegas, baby!

For my birthday so I'll be giving you a limited recap (what with what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas and all) next week.

I leave on Friday morning! Oh yeah!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Blogger's Block

Gotta put in my weekly post but not uber excited about anything going on lately. So here are some random thoughts:

The elections give me heart burn -at this rate I say hold all the talk and lets just get to voting, we know everyone's position now and if you are undecided well think on this- if you didn't like Bush's presidency (and with a 29% approval rating who did?- who are those 29% other than his family and friends, they need not be able to vote!) then vote Obama. BTW- does anyone besides me get the feeling that McCain's dentures are about to fall out when he talks?

The now GLOBAL economic climate is scaring me to death. I feel like my trip to Vegas next weekend for my birthday (yea me) will be my last travel horrah for quite a while. Sadness.

I have been smelling gas in my apartment for the last two days and BGE has found no strong readings of gas leak (stove is off) so where the hell is that smell coming from! I kindly informed my landlord that he help me find out. He will check it out today. I was half awake all night fearful I would go down in a literal blaze of non glory. Not to mention my cat was acting like she just found some drugs either that or a ghost was chasing her. I prefer to think the former.

Got engrossed again to the show Heroes but it can be a little iratating. What the hell is going on? The future keeps changing. I really don't like the two main female characters. They put in others but never do enough with their roles. Seems like if you are blond woman on theat show you're there to stay. Just observing...

Wanna see Miracle at St. Anna (a Spike Lee joint) heard it was fantastic.

Why is there a Saw V?

Got a sprained ankle. This is week 6 of it still healing. I plan to be in heals next weekend for Vegas so a miracle better happen! Grrrr

I want Jazmine Sullivan's CD- lovin all the songs I'm hearing from her.

My agency now is doing student loan forgiveness if you join them but not for current employees. I've been in an intern position with them for two years and recently got made permanent so I'm saying now I'm kind of like a new hire. I'm not sure they will accept that but I will try anyway. As an aside I'm looking to join other agency's that will forgive my loans. I gots lots of em!

Okay, enough with the ramble.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Why can’t some body bail me out?

I’m knee deep in student loans which, after my rent, is the largest bill I pay monthly and although my salary is nice I’m still feeling the stings of my debt and shake my head at some of the not so great financial choices I’ve made. This in turn affects how much money I can give to charity and for gifts. So, can the government help me out? No?

Hmm, so what if I was knee deep in my large companies debt of my making and although I make millions upon millions of dollars a year, I can’t get out of it. This in turn effects the policies I put forth to my customers who are now paying dearly for these polices and bad financial choices I’ve made. Can I get some help now? Yep!

Right or wrong, this is what the public understands the issue to be and they are mad as hell about bailing out the CEO “fat cats”. The problem remains, however, that if we don’t bail them out we all will suffer. Then there is the partisan politics being played. Let’s break this down, shall we, on my extreme laymen’s knowledge of finance.

Public Outrage
We don’t get help when we fail (however, when I fail the economy doesn’t fall apart).
Yet, this is exactly why thousands of people called the white house to protest the passing of the 700 billion dollar bailout. Why help the greedy who make profits of up to 80 million dollars a year!!!! I mean, perhaps, had they been willing to cut their salaries their companies wouldn’t be in such dire straights. Further, the economy and the people facing foreclosure wouldn’t be slipping off of a proverbial cliff. The idea of helping companies whose CEO’s are living large is repugnant to the public.

We are told that this plan MUST happen to help us all but we aren’t really clear why and why no other alternatives work. We are further enraged that the rich CEOs aren’t paying some price for this. Why aren’t they putting their salaries in the pot to help things out? They can afford one less house or car!

The Bailout
If we don’t bail them out we are told the economy will suffer. The situation is similar to saving the life of a murder so that we can use his skills to solve similar crimes (Silence of the Lambs?). If we don’t help these Wall Street companies we can’t make it. Now I’m all for the new regulations and I think the innocent employees at these companies shouldn’t be put out to pasture but the pubic needs reassurance that this is the only way to help us, that it won’t happen again and that there was absolutely no other way (with a detailed explanation of why nothing else worked).

Partisan Politics
As long as John Q Public hates the bailout plan the politics will continue to be played. John Q Public is also known as the voter. And if you are a senator/house member up for reelection do you want your voters upset at you? No. You want to go with what they want and that is a no go on the bailout so you vote their way. You also point fingers at the other side to help you out (anyone hear McCain’s useless rant about Obama and other democrats causing the failure of the bailout? Which is clearly odd to me since 67% Republicans voted AGAINST the bailout! One speech by Nancy Pelosi shouldn’t change their minds- get some tougher skin!)

So What Should Be Done?
Don’t ask me, I don’t know a darn thing about economics but I think the government needs to realize that the public is wising up (or at the very least mistrustful and mad as hell) which leads to no more soothing parent like words to a child like public. We demand some real answers and explanations. For any plan to work and for the pubic to shift, politicians need to understand that we are listening not just staring with mouths gaping open and eyes glazed. We have the Today Show, MSNBC, CNN and even the freaking Colbert Report to break things down to us if we don’t get quite what the politician’s are saying. So work it out- the public is watching!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

Race Relations Today

With the upcoming elections being so historical talk of race can't help but wiggle it's way into our media.
I've read three articles recently that got me thinking: Have we come a long way since the civil rights movement as a country?

Article one in yahoo! discussed whether blacks and whites view race issues the same. The answer is an obvious no. Blacks still believe by at least 60% that racism still is a large issue and it is not our own doing or a play of the race card. Almost an exact percentage of whites believe just the opposite. Why is that? My first thought is simply, blacks (and other minorities) are still the number one victims of racism. We aren't the majority, us employing institutionalized racism on whites will simply have no societal effect. Therefore, we are going to continue to see the world at a different angle than whites simply because of our minority status. In a world where I am one of the few black people around, I am always going to be conscious of that and more sensitive to racial issues that may appear to be less obvious but all the same just as damaging as racism back in the 1960s. I will recognize racial inequality in employment and education as well as racial profiling and even the ever common walking down the street and a person of another race clutching their purse or moving away when you stand near them. A white person, not facing these issues and not seeing these issues on a regular basis (there are no more "for whites only" or "for coloreds only" signs and we don't have the media showing peaceful protesters getting hosed) are not going to feel the sting of racism. Already in this campaign the media has called Michelle Obama, on a professional news cast, his "baby momma" and can we forget the New Yorkers cover of Barack and Michele Obama? Was McCain so disrespected?


This leads me to the next article I read about writer, actor, director Tyler Perry. He was asked why his movies are only about blacks. Okay, side bar, have we ever asked any white directors why they continuously make movies centered around white people? Perry replied that he grew up in a black town and he is writing what he knows. He doesn't know white culture so he can't write about it.

Now, I don't necessarily agree with this but all the same if Perry wants to make black movies then what's the harm? My real problem here is that his statement is so true. We are a legally integrated society making the choice (financial or not) to live segregated. I remember going to college and having a white friend of mine come to me and angrily state how another white person asked her how it was to live with black people. Or meeting white people who had never seen a black person in person. I also remember going to a predominantly black high school and having the teacher ask the students who was the majority race in America to which they replied black, but hey that's all they knew! And that's the sad part, until we really integrate, race is always going to be an issue. We will be afraid to talk about it or we will hold on to negative stereotypes because we haven't met anyone to disprove them.

Which leads to my final article rant, Glamour has a limited series on race and this month they are discussing interracial friendships. The panel discussed how, even though many of them have friends of other races, their closets friends are always of the same race. One friend stated that her Latina friend said at the end of the day she wanted to be amongst her people so that she didn't feel she had to explain herself or her culture and just be. She was tired of people asking her about Latin food. I had a similar friend in college say a similar thing. We were on the Black Student's Association and some of us wanted to do a program that was educational about black culture to enlighten "outside cultures". She said, she was constantly doing that already and she just wanted to finally celebrate us without catering to another.

I get the frustration but it is also a blockage to establishing real cross cultural friendships. Yes, it's an effort to open up to other races and talk to them as you would your same race/cultured friends but it can be pretty rewarding. I remember talking about racial stereotypes and interracial dating in front of my white girlfriends and thought "this will be awkward" and it wasn't at all! Making friends of other races will really help in the effort to eradicate racism. That might mean leaving the comfort of your same race neighborhood to check out other places and maybe join other groups/social clubs. Now I'm not say come off looking like you're trying to make your rainbow connection of friends but put yourself in places to establish new surroundings. I've made the effort and feel I'm better off for it. I think once we expose our cultures, issues and thoughts to people of other races in a friendly atmosphere we can finally establish the foundation to really be a united America.
Get's off soap box.

Friday, September 19, 2008

The Final Straw

This economy has hurt our gas consumption, has charged us for checking in bags, made us pay higher prices for groceries but the final straw is when they start messing with the most important thing of all: CANDY!

Seems now due to higher prices Hershey's chocolate has taken the cocoa butter out of many of their chocolate candies and replaced it with vegetable oil! Not since the great coca cola switch have I been this upset (okay, I wasn't born when the original soda was out but I keep hearing about how it was way better than today's stuff so now I'm upset).

Anywho, vegetable oil is supposed to be cheaper but you don't see Hershey's dropping their prices on the candy and it tastes different.
I saw this on the Today show and many customers are upset and don't like the taste of the new candy as compared to the old actual milk chocolate they used to eat. Some actually like the new stuff. To each their own but if there is no actual cocoa butter in the new stuff it's not really chocolate but more so chocolate flavored. That's whack! Don't make me come up to Hershey, Pennsylvannia!

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Money on My Mind

Okay, I usually try not to talk money mainly because I'm a novice to it all. I read Suze Orman and other financial gurus and follow their advice as much as my pockets will allow. But all of this financial news I am bombarded with on a daily basis is finally wearing me down. I'm actually wondering now if putting my money in the old school shoe box account is starting to make sense, however, threat of fire or burglery is preventing me from taking such a drastic step. Yet I see why people are considering it. See, even though your money is insured (well up to about 100 or 200k per bank, and not account, and Lord knows I don't have anything saved even close to that to break a sweat) you got to wonder how our money would really be paid back to us if we're in a deficit and bailing out all of these big companies out of big debt.

And I don't care what the republican's say, if tax payers are helping out Fannie and Freddie Mac and AIG then how are taxes not going to rise? This is an extra expense! I'm no financial maveric but the thought seems logical to me that with a new debt so to speak, comes a higher payment. Like you purchase a new item on your credit card, the monthly bill goes up. So my train of thought would believe that if we have some new companies to pay for then something's gotta rise that we pay on a regular basis which would be taxes.

And I'm all for a higher tax on the rich and less so on the middle and lower classes. Typically the middle class always feels the brunt of it. We don't make enough for it not to matter and we make too much to get any incentives or real breaks. Republicans don't favor higher taxes on the rich, who are not the majority, because they state it will hurt the economy. My assumption is this is because if the rich start feeling the burn they will cut back on spending thus hurting our whole capitalist set up. But I have to say if the middle class, which I believe I believe is the majority, stops spending as much due to higher taxes/costs then wouldn't that hurt the economy even more?

The reality is, as long as the middle class suffers and as a results deminishes by finding themselves on the lower class living, the greater our country will suffer. If you check out any third world country you will notice one big factor, a small or lack of middle class. The middle class is the backbone of any thriving society so shouldn't we be treated with a little more respect?

It's a hope that this is like our usual recession (and I mean usual, our capatalist set up makes for a recession at least every decade) and it will end in the new year. But realistic finanical advisors are relating this to a financial storm of the centry. We haven't yet hit Depression crisis but we are well past a usual recession. This one might see us into 2010. So maybe I'll be holding off on my big Europe trip to see where this economy goes.

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Music On My Mind This Month

Pink- So What- Makes me want to cut my hair short and spike it! Then kick some ass!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgJly74APRE (couldn't copy the video directly)

Little Jackie- The World Should Revolve Around Me- Makes me want to rock my fro in skinny jeans and heels


John Legend and Andre 3000- Lovin the beat, lovin it all, glad to have you back John Legend!


Jason Marz- I'm Yours- I've always been a fan of this guy and I love the mellow vibe of this song.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL- Funny!

Tina along with Amy Polher as Hilary Clinton did a great job. Had to share!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Cities for Singles?

So Forbes came out with this years best cities for singles and all I got to say is this: What kind of single people were they talking about?

but below are the top 25 cities (they list 40 in all with my family home town of Jacksonville, Florida being last (not surprising! there's no one there!):


  1. Atlanta - now for a black straight woman, I wonder if this is really accurate. I heard there is a large gay black male community here (down low and out) and even though there is a large upper class black community with a cool night scene, I'm not sold on Hotlanta being the place to be.

  2. San Francisco - now, come on, they are not talking about straight singles here! which is fine but lets be clear so no one gets set up!

  3. Dallas - I could see this

  4. Minneapolis - is this a diverse city?

  5. Washington D.C. - all the women in this city? they must be talking about for single men

  6. Seattle - I actually hear good things about this city

  7. Boston

  8. New York City - not surprised

  9. Orlando - guess all those disney characters are hooking up!

  10. Phoenix

  11. Chicago - I'm a beliver, guess people want to get attached when it gets really cold there

  12. Denver-Aurora - same thought here

  13. Miami - all the beautiful people, wonder if it's really superficial, like do you need to be a model to find love here?

  14. Austin

  15. San Antonio

  16. Los Angeles

  17. Houston - this is the fourth texas city announced, guess love is big in texas too!

  18. Charlotte

  19. San Diego

  20. St. Louis

  21. Columbus

  22. Philadelphia

  23. Tampa-St. Petersburg

  24. Las Vegas

  25. Baltimore - scratches her head on this one, are they thinking of all races and social economic backgrounds when they list this city? You know maybe there are a lot of single folk here but we sure aren't meeting each other (at least not eligible (ie educated, job having, no drama/std/drugs toting) ones)

The site also list other categories like best/worst night life- NY got the best, Charlotte, NC got the worst (number 40 out of 40), Baltimore was 21st


best/worst on line dating- Charlotte was the best (makes since since their night life is the worst guess they spend more time indoors on line at night?), Memphis was the worst, Baltimore ranked 23rd.


best/worst culture- Los Angeles was the best, Jacksonville ranked worst, Baltimore ranked 17th. Now by culture I'm not sure if they mean racial diversity or artistic culture or both. If artistic or both- I might agree. I still haven't found the arts scene in Jville and it's hardly a diverse city (still some racial problems going on there) and ranking Bmore as slightly above the middle seems fair. We've got a lot of art but we aren't beating out NY , Philly, DC or Miami, especially when mixed in with the diversity factor.

In all honesty, I think this site is talking about who has more singles in it than which city has more love opportunities for singles. Therefore Jacksonville ranking last makes since, seeing as all my cousins are in relationships there. Atlanta and New York being top cities only shows that there are a lot of single people there which might mean less people interested in committed relationships which may mean lesser chances of getting in a relationship there (but I guess you'll have fun dating!) Using that logic then wouldn't it make since to go to the states with fewer singles? It may mean that the few singles will feel a greater desire to get in relationships because the single scene is so small. Hmm, just wondering.


Thursday, September 11, 2008

I'll do what I want to do!

That seems to be Oprah’s motto in response to those pushing to have her ask Palin onto her show. After all, says critics, she’s had Obama on, it’s only fair. But the big O says no more politics on her show until after the elections. People are threatening to protest and some staff walk off her show. They feel if Oprah’s show is really for women then having Palin on the show would be a perfect piece. And it’s only fair to the republican side of her audience.
Here’s my take on it. Oprah has never really done the politics thing before until Obama. She made a public stand that he was her candidate. So already she crossed pass her regular neutrality line. Once that was done did people really expect her to go back to neutral and have Palin on her show? If she’s pushing for Obama, and we know Oprah’s clout, why would she have Palin on her show? It would look almost like an endorsement and might help to sway female voters who were following Clinton.

That is, assuming, Oprah had Palin on the show to display a more human/down home side to her that Oprah has done so successfully for other notables who were booed by the public. For example, Tom Cruise. He came back to redeem himself on her show after the couch jumping incident and I must say, I found him quite charming. And so did a lot of her audience who commented that that appearance changed their minds for the better about Cruise. Obviously, she wouldn’t want to do that for Palin, at least not before the vote. She’s pushing for Obama so making Palin seem great goes against that.

The deal is, no one was making a huge fuss (or maybe I ignored it, I do remember being a little shocked that she even took a side) when she endorsed Obama. The obvious flip side to that meant that she did not endorse Republican by extension that being McCain.

People, if we knew she didn’t endorse McCain, what would be the point of putting his running mate on the show unless she planned to negatively interview her? You know, like when talk show hosts interview murders, rapist, abusers, KKK. They aren’t doing it to make them look good!
If McCain’s committee continues to limit the forums that Palin goes on (to what, protect her? Not a good leader look right there) then they would not endorse having her on Oprah for a negative interview. Their hope would be that having her on Oprah would pull female votes, and Oprah ain’t having it.

Hey, Oprah has more money than she can count. She isn’t worried about loosing viewer ship or subscribers to her magazine. She would still flourish without them both. If she was going to lose out big time, it would have happened right after she endorsed Obama. Any leavers now aren’t going to make a big difference.

She isn’t a political show so she owes no neutrality to the public.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Running Scared

Okay I run a few miles a few times a week (okay, I run/walk a few miles a few times a week). It’s good exercise and I lost a lot of weight doing it. Anywho, whenever I go running; morning, evening, weekday or weekend; I can’t seem to bypass the catcalls, car honks or stares.

I just wanna run people, why does it have to be a spectacle? I’m not wearing anything other runners aren’t wearing, heck, I wear more. Nothings hanging out, so I’m not an eye sore. And a lot of other girls run who wear much less and are cute don’t get the obvious harassment.
The only difference I can think of is I’m a black female.

Despite what you might have seen in the Olympics there really aren’t that many black runners. Scratch that, not many Black American distance runners. Since I’ve taken up running (well jogging), more than a year ago, I can count on one hand the amount of black women I’ve seen outside running, a few more for power walking. Not that I’ve seen a whole bunch of black men running, but there are more.

I really don’t get why it’s such a rarity in my city but it needs to stop. I get so tired of running past of group of black men who stop their conversation and watch me as I run past, making a comment or two, sometimes verbal sexual harassment or sometimes for the positive like “run, sista”. That’s not so bad but sometimes I just want to run without looking like I’m making a stand.

Heck even people of other races look. Usually not the other runners, I usually get a nod or hello from them, which makes me feel like I’m part of some special inner circle (silly I know but encouraging none the less). However, I think other races seeing a black person run in the city are still taken back, you can just see the look of curiosity on their faces like “where’s she going, is she late for the bus?” (Just kidding). This is not everyone but I encounter it from at least two people every time I run.

Anyway, all I’m saying is, I need to see more women of color out their running (particularly Black and Latina, I tend to see a fair amount of Asian women running already) so I don’t continue looking like I’m marching for change instead of simply getting some exercise. Heck, I don’t care if all you do is go for a power walk just get out there so I’m not alone and it becomes the norm!
That is all.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

On My Own

I guess I’m late to the game but I finally moved out on my own. After years of living with parents and then in college and then back to parents while in law school and then with roommates I finally decided to take the plunge and move on my own. And here is what I found- It’s scary!

Okay, so I am a city gal all the way. I also consider myself very bohemian/artsy so what better place for me to move than the arts district. A bit pricey but for the area and cost the space is a good size. Also, the landlord is very flexible so if I have to move before the end of the lease I can and the area is excellent. Close to stores, restaurants, boutiques, night life and the Penn Station. (My parents aren't, they think I should be in the suberbs, I think "why not just wheel me into a nursing home early" because that's how much fun the suberbs feels to me).

But I must admit, I can be a bit of a princess and I can be a type A personality. My apartment is not the high level I’m use to living in (suberbs or city) but I knew that I wouldn’t be having top notch as soon as I moved in. It’s just hard getting use to the “lived in” feel. In essence, say my friends who helped me move in, it’s very New York- take that anyway you want to. I choose to focus on the positive as I like the New York feel and have been busying myself watching the Home and Garden Network with tips on how to decorate in smaller area. Also, the area forces me to stay on point. I live off of a main street so it can be high traffic (can’t even park from 4-6pm on weekdays) so can’t come out of my place looking like I just woke up. Reminds me of when I studied in Central London for law school. I was in a major area (kind of like Soho/Manhattan) so when I went running and had on ill fitting jogging pants and a old tshirt I felt like a slouch next to all the other pedestrians. I vowed to look more together, even when working out or going to the grocery store for just a carton of milk. I’ll be doing the same here!

What makes it scary for me is that I really am on my own. No roommates to watch America’s Next Top Model with (which starts tomorrow!). If there is a noise my cat sure isn’t going to do much but hide next to me. And if I find a bug or mouse, Lord help that landlord because he told me they don’t have pest problems!

I don’t know maybe it’s just the first time jitters and I’ll get through it. All my friends live on their own and I know a few people who live in my neighborhood.

It’s a fixer upper but I’m going to work it out and the landlord said he'd credit me for any imporvements I made/painting I did as long as I cover it with him first. Might take some pictures and show you the after

Anywho, wish me luck!

BTW- until I get my home internet up and running I might be a little delayed on posting on my site and commenting on others. Hopefully I can get that resolved A.S.A.P. cause I'm dying withoiut internet at home (luckily I got my cable installed yesterday to occupy me, I could read though...)