Sunday, July 12, 2009

Music on my Mind this Month

Laura Izibor- sigh, always great to find some neo soul - I like the Don't Stay song. Most folks probably know this one- From My Heart to Yours



Kings of Leon- I loves a little rock and his voice is a bit soulful, I don't know, I'm feeling it.
Use Somebody

Carolina- another rock one but I take it as a bit of Christian rock, not sure if they meant it to be taken that way.
Show Me What I'm Looking For



Kid Cudi with Kanye and Common - Not always into the current rap stuff unless you have some Common in it!
I Make Her Say



Eric Hutchinson- soulish pop. I like his sound. I like his Rock and Roll song, its been out a while now but still posting.

Count down begins


So I have three, count em, three more weeks until I pick my crap up and move from the fair city of Bmore. Ah, Baltimore, Smaltimore, Baldmore, Bmore we had our fun. I shall not hate on you, you and I just were not a good fit. Funny though, as I talk to my DC friends, some a bit snobby about Baltimore (I'm still taken off guard by how many folk think Baltimore is mostly like The Wire, I'm kind of pissed at that series because of that), I can't help but defend the city. Although I didn't grow up in the city , I did make it my home for the last 4 plus years. It is much more than the crime that some out of towners seemed to think. We have the fabulous art and music scene here. Artscape is nationally known and Rolling Stone even rated Bmore number one in the music scene (yep we beat out New York can you believe it?). It has many nice residential areas and it's pretty diverse (although a bit separated). It's small but unpretentious.

I gave it a good college try. Joined many organizations, volunteered, went to local events, checked out the many types of night life. I really feel its going to be a great town some day soon. But for me, it's time to bid it adieu. As I tell folk I'm moving towards the DC area they smile and say good choice. Not one person, besides my dad who wants me to be closer to the family, says I shouldn't do it. I know DC has it's faults. The male to female ratio is not so great and DC guys can be pretty pretentious and superficial. However, the Maryland and Northern VA guys are a bit different and I'm not deterred (not as if I was living the single life here). Anyway, I'm moving for more than just a new single scene. I'm moving for a total change. I don't want to be in the same place in my thirties as I am in my twenties (except for the no wrinkles thing). Change is good. And most good things don't happen without taking a little risk so here I go! To make the most of this change, I will join new groups and try new things and keep you posted (as entertainment for you and as a way to hold myself accountable to actually do new things). Wish me luck!

Image from http://www.istockphoto.com/file_closeup/people/6017999-moving.php?id=6017999

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Sadness

Had to post something about the passing of Micheal Jackson. He was my first celebrity crush. Even with all the controversy he is one of my favorite artist of all time.
Keeping it short.
Here are some of my favorite MJ videos/songs (not only the king of pop but the king of videos)

Remember the Time - tried so hard to do those dances

Billie Jean
- loved the little light up sidewalk, didn't know what the song was about at the time really

Beat It- I think I tried to do the fight/dance scene with my sister when I was younger



Smooth Criminal- Think I actually rented the little movie that was the extension of this song when I was little



The Way You Make Me Feel- I wanted to be that girl walking down the street (although the whole situation in real life was kind of dangerous)

Honorable Mentions

You Rock My World- I loved Chris Tucker in it and of course the dancing

Thriller - of course

Black or White- not my favorite song but loved seeing all the colors of people

In the Closet- thought I could be Naomi Campbell haha

No Video but gotta add Human Nature, Can You Feel It, Ben (sure it was about a rat, but it was sweet)

Rest in peace Mike- you are surely missed!

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Best Buddy Comedies

Recently saw the Hangover and absolutely loved it. I adore buddy comedies. It's only something I've come into in recent years but nothing beats the comedy of dudes. Women comedies, wait are there any well known ones. We're funny but there's just something that dudes do- they just take it there, places women wouldn't go without looking unattractive or just stupid which in turn makes them unattractive. The closest one I can remember is the Sweetest Thing with Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair. Should I ever make it as a screen writer, I am going to write a good female comedy on the line of a buddy comedy but still realistic. And it would have to star Anna Farris, she isn't afraid to go there.

"According to the Journal of Popular Film and Television, buddy films emerged in the 1970s in response to the feminist movement. The journal reported, "To punish women for their desire for equality, the buddy film pushes them out of the center of the narrative and replaces the traditional central romantic relationship between a man and a woman with a buddy relationship between two men. By making both protagonists men, the central issue of the film becomes the growth and development of their friendship. Women as potential love interests are thus either eliminated from the narrative space or pushed into the background as side characters.""

Could women really do a comedy where finding love is merely a backdrop to the friendship? Other than my beloved Sex and the City of course- that's kind of a female buddy comedy but still it's not the same as, well here's a list of some of my favorites:

  1. Wedding Crashers- Vince Vaughn made this movie and he's tops at buddy comedies (Swingers was entertaining).
  2. Ghost Busters- it may not count but I think their friendship was key and it was funny to me. I still like watching it.
  3. Old School- a bunch of dudes getting together to make a grown up post college fraternity. And it has Will Ferrell (also loved Anchorman)
  4. I Love You Man- It's really all about friendship and was very entertaining
  5. Superbad- teen buddy comedy, so funny
  6. Tropic Thunder- may not be under that category but its an all male cast, being funny, growing by the end of the movie, so falls under it in my book
  7. Stir Crazy- Richard Pryor and Gene Wilder-comic fun during the eighties
  8. Bad Boys- falls under action but still focuses on their friendship/partnership with lots of laughs
  9. Shaun of the Dead- a funny British horror/buddy comedy
  10. Orange County- My first Jack Black film which I really liked



Any others? I know there are so many more. Hmm, time to get writing on my screenplay.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Just wondering...


If we didn’t have the TV or the internet what kind of lives would we lead? Would we do things differently? Pursue alternative careers? Take up a hobby? Be more environmentally conscious and able (ie, know how to build, grow foods).

Why is this weather so crappy? If I wanted to live in a rainy, cloudy, humid city I’d have moved to Seattle, at least I heard it’s a pretty cool city!

Why, even after all this time, are there still no minority lead TV shows on network/non cable television? Seriously, you got to pay to find “ethnic” stars nowadays.

I’m beginning to have a feeling we might go to war with North Korea, it’s the first time I actually am not against a war in my life time (I’m feeling some kind of way about the American journalist being locked up and sentenced for 12 years for inadvertently crossing the North Korean border. One is a mother of a young child and the other has chronic health issues).

Why is it that with this economy hotels to certain cities are still pricey even though the flights to them have gone down? Great, I can get there, but where the heck am I going to stay?

Why is it that DC/MD/VA have some of the highest ticket prices and harshest ticketing in the country? I just got a $100 one for a camera speeding. With all the tickets I’ve paid I have hardly any room to give to another charity, I already give to a Federal and State one on what seems a monthly basis. I thought I had free parking but I’m paying a fee anyway…

Why is it that some people are small boned and others are big boned? What is the evolutionary significance? I get why there are differences in the races or why people are tall or short due to environmental adaption but I wonder why some of us are naturally bigger than others from jump start.

Just wondering…

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

No one on the corner got swagga like us

Okay, so my friends and I were dishing about dating and we fused about how there really weren't any dating guides (or they aren't popular) for men. Women have a new tv show, book, site every month about dating. Sure men have books and shows about how to be players or be less of a tool but that's not the same as your average guy book about meeting Ms. Right. Is it because guys are too cocky to believe that they would have some flaws in dating? Why is it that women have to change or accept but it seems men don't?

However, my girls and I thought if were ever actually asked by a guy for some dating advice it would be for a guy to get some swag! A guy with swag can turn his dating value up several notches. Some guys, who've I told this to, seem to believe that it means women only want a bad boy. But there is a difference between a bad boy and a good guy with some self confidence and charm.

I liken the need for swagger in a guy to that of a woman looking her best. You need something to intrigue the opposite sex. If a woman went out to the bar with a muu-muu, a head scarf and bushy eyebrows no one is checking her. To me that's equivalent to a guy with no swagger. A guy has to be able to pull in a woman with a charming personality to get her attention. If he's just sitting there blending in the backdrop with a goofy smile he more than likely won't get a second look.

He doesn't need to be a player or give out any game. He can be a nice, sweet guy but he has to have some bravado, that thing that can make a girl think "okay, this guy is fun" or "this guy has my back, can protect me" or "this guy is interesting I want to know more". He has to have something in addition to being able to open the door for you and paying for your dinner.
That's just my two cents.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Nostalgia

I just got back from Puerto Rico and will do a recap later but just saw this clip and thought all those who used to love Saved By The Bell might find this cute!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Mirror Mirror- Playing by Numbers

Is it possible that someone thinks they look like Brad Pitt but to society they look more like Jack Black (not to knock on him but there is a marked difference). I have a friend who prefers to date white men but she believes (I don’t) that she appeals mainly to black men due to curvy figure. Hard place to be in if what you are attracted to isn’t attracted to you. I believe she will meet someone who appeals to her.

See my thought is that you should never judge your looks based on the types of guys/girls you attract. Kimora Lee, Heidi Klum, Selma Hayek are but a few prime examples (lets just say their men hit the jack pot superficially wise). At least I tell myself this. However, if one gets approached by 10 Flava Flav look alikes in a row, one can’t help but want to do a reality “mirror” check to reevaluate the image they are presenting to the world. And more importantly should they change their look to achieve attention from their desired type?

Research shows that people tend to date within one or two points of their looks level (not going to touch the fact that people are rating each other since it should be subjective and this study doesn't count in money or fame status which can make a difference). In the study people were given numbers and then they were to search for partners. Needless to say the higher numbers had an easier time and the lower numbers were the last to pick (just because you're a two doesn't mean you want another two). They were going based on the number ranking of what was hot (not necessarily if they thought the person was hot or not). With that in play, if we didn't have the superficial in the way, would we still end up with the same people? Do we actually (even if subconsciously based on how we act or dress) pick or not pick mates based on how attractive we view ourselves? Is physical attraction a man made mate selection tool (that as we've seen changes with time) or a natural tool of evolution/God's method for us to help choose our mates? And if its the latter are cultural influences in what is deemed attractive throwing us off from finding the right people we should naturally be attracted to?

Saturday, May 30, 2009

Music on My mind This month

Of course we have the usual suspect Maxwell's Pretty Wings- but everyone knows that one so I won't post


I actally love this guy which I heard Ed the Celeb shout out in her twitter and I raced to get this song from him on itunes (although his other stuff is good).
Ray Lamontagne- Trouble



I like this song, nothing super special- just cute-
Melanie Fiona-Give it to me right-


I'm not against religious songs I just rarely dig them but Mary Mary always comes through- It's the God in Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NmGxUnyxw9g

I heard this song in He's Just that Into You and VH1s Tough Love, I kinda dig it-
Erin McCarley- Love Save the Empty


The Ting Tings, I like them, they are a bit unusual. Their first two songs Great DJ and Shut Up and Let Me Go (used in Apple commercial) were really good. This is their latest- That's Not My Name
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6UX0p7uAW2s

Blaming the Black Man

Just when I thought it was over yet another white woman who ends up being up to no good blames a fictitious black man to hide her crimes. The woman who called 911 to say her daughter and her were car jacked and abducted by two black men had really kidnapped her daughter and taken her to Disney world with some stolen ID. Okay, crime aside, why is it that black men seem to always be the scapegoat of choice for crime dealing white women? Can’t they at least one time say- a balding white dude did it, a fat Mexican did it, an Arab did it- I don’t care- just pick another racist poison besides black men! Can’t they get a break, if just for this year? For Obama at least? I’m just saying!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Random Train of Thought

So I've been MIA becoming addicted to Twitter, editing and re-editing my fiction writing, planning for my trip to Puerto Rico (this time next week I'll be on a plane to San Juan- hoping it doesn't rain the whole time but still glad to get away!), searching for a new apartment (I'm moving closer to D.C. and I think it'll be a positive move), trying not to kill my neighbors (they won't shut the heck up and my sleeping patterns are awful now!), need to get my car repainted (it's been hit, scratched and is starting to irk my nerves every time I see all of its battle wounds), and looking for a new job (the one I have now has worn out its welcome- well except for the pay check part!). The list goes on.

Anyway, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed in my life. I'm just bored. Nothing worst than being bored with ones state of being. I have a lot to be thankful for, don’t get me wrong but I keep having a nagging feeling that I’m “destined for something greater” as the cliché goes. I won’t knock down my city again, it’s just simply not for me. I don’t even know what to do here anymore besides go to the movies and a few fairs/festivals. I’ve lost my mojo here. I joined a social sports group, even paid for the fee, and just don’t want to play. I keep spending my weekends (and gas) driving up to DC to hang with my DC associates because there is so much more going on over there and they initiate and invite me to things. My few friends here who do want to get out, ask me what to do (I guess because I’m the planner usually) and I got nothing for them anymore. Everything just seems like a bust. Maybe the vacation will kick start my spirit again- I don’t want to rest my happiness on the move- I may still feel the same where there but I do believe that change is good and since I’ve never lived anywhere else for any long period of time this might be good for me.

I’m trying to hold tight to my friends here but most of us are simply going our own ways. My mentor/coworker told me once that one of the mistakes she made at my age was holding onto friendships that weren’t meant to last. She would constantly be the one initiating doing things with certain friends and when she didn’t she’d never hear from them. One day she called a friend and asked where they’d been and the friend said sometimes people just grow apart. Here my coworker was thinking they were “true blue, tight like glue” and this “friend” didn’t even consider her. She said, sometimes, people are meant to be friends for a season and you shouldn’t have to force a friendship, if both sides aren’t making an effort, let it go before feelings get hurt. I’ve been there before a few times and don’t want to be there again- but how do you distinguish between the ending of a friendship and a friendship that is still good it’s just that paths are changing?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Still writing


I was advised by a coworker to take up twittering as a way to network since as I've been saying I'm trying to publish my fiction writing. I've joined many groups which is great because it's improved my writing but many of the participants are in the same boat I'm in- trying to get their stuff out there. My coworker, who is a self published author suggested that I follow the "tweets" of some writers I like and maybe network that way since it take such little time (you can only write so much on each posting, maybe a few lines, so they'll be more likely to pay attention). I thought it couldn't hurt, yet this is just another online site I have to keep up with.

This made me think about how much I've publicized already. I started with Myspace (which I've basically abandoned and would close if I didn't still have friends through that site) then I moved over to Facebook and I actually still view that about once a week. Then came the blogging which has been a great outlet for me for about a year and a half now. Then I'm on an online writing group. Now I'm tweeting. Now I don't talk about my everyday life on their- no stalker is going to know what I'm watching every moment or that I'm about to head out to the grocery store. Still I sometimes can't help but feel that all this electronic communication is just work. I mean, not only do I write but I read because this is all an interactive process, you write your stuff, others read it and you read their stuff- that's even more time- enjoyable, but still time consuming.

I was never a phone person and I'm pretty quiet in person (unless I get a soapbox topic) so sometimes staying so connected becomes just another thing on my to-do list. This is especially so because my life is writing. I write (well legal related material) for a living and I write as a hobby so it can get pretty overwhelming.

I want to pare down some of my writing avenues but I actually like visiting them all from time to time (except that Myspace, that's it, I'm turning that off). Well at least this keeps my mind spinning!

As an aside, if you tweet, drop me your tweet address if you want to share or if you want mine.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Hiatus

Hi peeps,
I'm still on my writing break to focus on really getting published but will be monitoring your sites and may post a few times. However, I have another blog called devoted to my writing that I'm focusing on again. Feel free to take a gander/comment if you'd like and if you're a writer and want to share - that's cool too. I mainly post poetry, and chapters from my two completed novels although I also have some stories in the work that I'm feeling out. Of course all work is protected.
http://crazyonpaper.blogspot.com/

Take care!

Friday, April 10, 2009

The Blame Game

I actually posted this on Tuesday but did a double post so not sure anyone saw it (and I'm lazy and don't have anything new to post just this minute)..

So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.

When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.
As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?

This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.

Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Violence in the Time of Economic Down Turn

We’ve heard about the gunman that killed eight people, blaming it on the loss of his job and the man who is robbing convenience stores with his child along due to losing his job and the list goes on. History shows us that violence and economic suffering go hand in hand.

There are few peaceful very poor countries. During the time of the Great Depression lynchings against blacks rose. And it makes sense.

When you are without money you become desperate which causes you to take on options you never thought you would. I was watching some show about how more corporate women who have been laid off are now going to stripping to earn a similar amount of money. Cop killings are also on the rise.

There is the frustration that no one can do anything and no one cares. Unfortunately these killers are taking it out on the wrong people. Innocent people who have no control over their situation. Not that I’m encouraging them to attack wall street workers or bankers. Yet this was a concern at the G20 summit in London where wall street workers were encouraged not to come into work that day due to protestors.

Until this economy goes for the better and jobs are regained I don’t think that we’ll see a change. If it doesn’t change then maybe small town middle America will become a place where you lock your doors at night and hold tight to your purses walking down the street, not just the big cities.

The Blame Game

So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.

When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.

As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?

This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.
I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.

Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Music on My Mind This Month

Some of these songs are new, some aren't but I just go with whatever catches my spirit at the moment.

Therapy- India Arie- I just love her and this song makes me happy!

Brandy- Right here (Departed) Although it’s a bit old (came out in 2008), I was reintroduced to it and it's another hopeful song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeoVHUQuzR0

Knock Me Down- Keri Hilson, with NeYo and Kanye, what a great collaboration. And Ms. Hilson is making me want to chop my hair off again ( but maybe I'lll just get a short weave).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF5Q1jr28PM

Ayo- Life is Real- Another old one (but I really feel for neo sould sometimes it takes a minute for some to get on the bandwagon because its hard to find)- and I love songs set in Africa


Mos Def- Life in Marvelous Times- heard this song in commercials for this weeks episode of House which my boy Mos Def guest stared in so had to hear the whole song. (side note, why do I understand him better when he raps then when he actually speaks?)



Kid Cudi- Day and Night- this is such a simple sounding rap which I like. I prefer to hear the words. I actually like the dance remix as well so I have both here. You'll found that the "black" radio versions play the regular one and the "white" radio stations seem to only play the dance remix version (much like is done with Kanye's Heartbreaker, dunno why). I likes both.

original


remix


Kevin Rudolf- Welcome to the World- a good jogging song

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Random Things

Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've been getting back into my fictional writing trying to get it published worthy.

Get me for my paper

If the US Post Office stops delivering mail on Saturdays they could save 3 billion dollars a year. I’m all for saving money especially on that scale. I don’t think I’d be too broken hearted if I had to wait till Monday. Now if we could get them to stop delivering junk mail and unsolicited mail that would be wonderful- wonder how much money that would save.

The Popos put you on blast

In some state (forgot where) prostitution is a big problem so the police are considering sending letters home to the wives of men who are caught with a prostitution. Now obviously this is controversial. Some men feel that is an invasion of privacy but women would want to know if for nothing else, health concerns. Here’s how I see it. Should a man be hiding from his wife that he is going to court on a solicitation of prostitution charge? How can you hide that from your wife anyway? And you’re a jerk if you try to hide it. Now some men feel this is a whole guilty until proven innocent (I mean they could have simply been giving a poor prostitute a ride home and nothing more). Well fine, explain that to the wife and leave it to her to believe you or not. I’m sorry, but I’d like to know if my husband has been arrested. I’m not for keeping secrets in a marriage especially ones of those caliber. And seeing that technically adultery is still illegal (although no one brings it to court anymore) that’s not necessarily the husbands right to keep it quiet. If he was arrested for murder or some other heinous crime that wouldn’t be kept quiet so why should this? I’m just saying…

Too Bootilious for you baby

So a friend stated that bigger (and in his mind big is size 6/8 and up) black women could not attract really good looking white men because they (white men) don’t like that size. Now seeing as most black women are that size and up he basically states that most white men who are attractive wouldn’t like black women. I told him he was wrong and gave examples, he didn’t believe me and wanted to challenge me saying that those men only wanted to sleep with black women but weren’t interested in seriously dating them or marrying them. I stopped arguing, feeling the whole thing was not only offensive but futile and labeled him an ass.S ince I had given up being annoyed at people for lent lets just say I fell off the wagon. Some people deserve to be beat in the head severely with a verbal assult.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Tough Love: Girl does not meet boy

I was watching this show with a guy friend of mine and this beautiful woman in her mid thirties stated that she had never been in a serious relationship and he did not get how that could happen. I told him it was a lot easier than he thought. I know a good amount of women in their thirties who haven’t dated in almost a decade. Now I’ve been single for an ion but I can at least say I have had the fortune (or some times misfortune) to consistently date but I get how a woman, even one that looks like Halle Berry with a Michele Obama intelligence and a Oprah personality, can be single for a long long time. So I ask you:

Where the men at?

If you are in a situation where you don’t work, live or worship around eligible men, you’re kind of in a rut. Outside of school, we rarely are in situations on a consistent basis where we are around eligible bachelors. You are kind of limited on possibilities except for rare fluke encounters at the store or gym.

So, I gotta ask, where does a single gal go? The idea of doing something just to meet a man doesn’t sit well with me but I understand that you have to put yourself in places to be seen as well. Which leads me to my new favorite reality show: Tough love. Which is basically a dating boot camp headed by this male match maker. Eight beautiful women, ranging from 21 to 38 are given dating overhauls to try to find what they are doing wrong. Maybe it's not that men aren't out there, maybe they are putting off a vibe that runs the good ones away. For some it's obvious: there's the cold one, the one who constantly talks about marriage, the one who wants to be save a dude, the partier, the gold digger. But there were some women I could relate to, particularly the woman who had a fairy tale idea of what she wanted and the woman who put up a cold facade. Nothing like seeing a characteristic you can relate to on another person to make you take a second look at yourself.

The show is by the creators of He's Just Not That Into You and I think I'll follow it to see if it's actually possible that I might learn something too. Though I'm not ruling out the idea that Baltimore is limited in eligible singles, I know that I can't change my surroundings so maybe by reevaluating what I can change (myself) maybe I might start attracting the the type of men I really want to date. We'll see.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

I don't have to do anything but stay black and die

And if you've seen Lean on Me you remember that quote from Joe Clark (aka Morgan Freeman) when he was arrested.

This saying came recently to my head when my sister expressed the problem of being invited to a friend's baby shower although she didn't want to go. This friend wasn't someone she was particularly close to, hadn't hung out with them for a while and she was tight on cash.

I too had been invited to this baby shower and had not hung out with this "friend" or even talked to this person in about two years. So what was my answer when she approached me with this problem? See the title.

Life is too short to do things you don't want to do, unless of course there is a greater good or goal to be reached.

This wasn't that situation so I told her don't do it.

I'm know I'm not an old lady whose lived her life and can pretty much tell people to "sit and spin" with wild abandon but as I get older I think I earn a little right along the way to say "hell to the no" to a few things that come my way. And going to certain social functions so someone I'm not that close to won't be mad at me is one of them.

There are a lot of people I don't owe crap too and some of these people I choose to give to anyway, perhaps because they need it. Giving to others is supposed to make you feel good. If it doesn't then don't do it or think carefully before you do.

If you keep giving of your time, money and energy to ungrateful, rude, selfish people you'll only end up full of resentment and anger. Why go there?

I used to go to birthday parties of people who never came to mine. So in essence I was spending all this money on birthday gifts and never got it cosmically returned (although that's not what giving is all about) but still I felt bad. I went to their parties to be nice but they didn't go to mine. They didn't care about my feelings- they were probably feeling the title here. So I decided to save my money and do the same.

Is that mean?

I think life is too short to go broke caring.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

CC's Favorite Things

I'm no Oprah and I sure as heck am not giving anything away but I’ll put my two cents in anyway and if you have some favorite things you've encountered spread the word!

Open toed booties- I'm obsessed. It's such a rocker-sexy look. I got a cute pair and really want it to get warmer so I can sport them in comfort!

Curly Hair productsKinky Curly, Miss Jessies, Mixed Chicks. My hair is curly and these products do it right. I'm trying to grow my curls and need loads of moisturizer for unrelaxed hair. I was put on notice about these products via magazines and celebrity endorsements. My formula I just found is Mixed Chick leave in conditioner (although any good leave in conditioner treatment for thick hair would probably work nicely), Kinky Curly custard, and to keep the curl fresh the next day, Miss Jessies Curly Buttercreme.

Rimmel Lycra Wear 10+ mineral nail polish- cheap nail polish (like $1.99) and it really does last 10 days with no touch ups! I put it on my toes and it didn't need a base or top coat! If you can't get to the salon or want to save money this is a good option.

Murad Acne Spot Treatment - helps dry up a pimple in no time flat! I believe it's the drying sulphur ingredient. You can find it at Sephora.

Mineral Make up- helps give a more perfect coverage and last a long time without going bad due to the types of ingredients used. I've bought one mineral foundation over a year ago and am still using it. Now you can find mineral makeup in almost every cosmetic line. I like Bare essentials on the higher end and maybeline on the lower end.

MAC/ Loreal Hip Eyeshadow- on brown skin, high pigment eyeshadow looks lovely and these brands are the best.

Hulu- I catch up on shows I missed or forgot to DVR here. Takes a little longer before they upload it to the site but it's still a good resource.

Netflix/Blockbusters- I've got no premium movie channels so getting a new dvd per week (for only 9 bucks a month, more dvds a week cost more) is a great deal in lieu of HBO etc. especially when renting one movie is like 4 bucks from the video store and if you're lazy you don't have to go to a redbox (although they too are awesome at only a dollar or two a movie)

Leather jackets- The short motorcycle inspired ones are always so cool looking. I don't eat red meat but I'll wear the heck out of cow (I mean waste not want not right?)

Nine west jeans- the only jeans so far that I have found that fit my hour glass figure well.

Pencil straight skirts and dresses- they just look so sexy with heels

Half ebay- get it (whatever your "it" is) for cheap

Imdb- for a movie/tv fan this is your mecca!

Wikipedia- for a lazy researcher this is a great go to guide, sometimes I read the plot about a book or movie I'm on the fence about getting

100 calorie molten cakes- so yummy yet so not high in calories

Vietnames food at Baltimore pho- this place was so good and the dessert was delish, if you live in Bmore come there

The pizza at Greek Village Carry Out- sometimes local spots are so good, if you live in Baltimore County, check it out, it's in the Milford Mill area.

Low top Chuck Taylor tennis- I just think they are and always will be a cool look

New York boutiques near Soho/Canal Street- get some cute stuff for low prices! I have yet to find boutiques in Baltimore that sell at discount prices (like Forever 21) that aren't cheap looking. It's either high end or cheap- no in between.

Ruffles (tops and dresses)- just cute and sexy paired with the pencil skirt look

Skinny (stretch) jeans that tuck in boots- best thing to ever come in style. So comfortable, like wearing structured tights so they are forgiving.

Snow balls with marshmallow topping- Maybe it's a Baltimore thing (haven't found snowballs in other towns) but it is so good- come on summer!

Flax seed- not only good for the heart and hair but helps get your tummy down

Tops from Mango- they are just such great "date night" tops, so cute! I was first put on to them a decade ago when I studied abroad in Barcelona and a few years back was excited to find they had expanded to the States. The closest one to me is in the Northern VA malls so I really need for them to add one in Maryland!

Tom Tom- When I'm lost lost, tom tom helps me!

White or “nude” color eyeliner at the bottom eyelid- they have made my eyes pop which helps when you plan to dance the night away and want to avoid that blood shot eye been ran over look one can get by the end of the night

African Pride highlights kit- the hair actually becomes the color the box shows that it will. no guessing games here!

So any favorites that you have?

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Giving up Annoyance for Lent

So I attended a training yesterday and although I’m not quite sure if it was truly helpful in reaching the goal it was meant to achieve, I did take one thing from it. The speaker talked about how we all have favorite colors or foods or movies or places. He challenged us into wondering what favorite emotion we have. And by that he meant, what emotion do we tend to fall into (subconsciously really) the most. He admitted that in the past his favorite emotion was anger. He didn’t realize it until someone pointed out to him that he was always angry and wondered what he would choose to be angry about that day. That made him stop and think and try to change the way he did things.

This got me to wondering- what emotion do I tend to find myself constantly in? Ideally we all want to fall into the emotion of happiness but for many of us that is a goal not a reality. There are few happy go lucky people out there.

I know that my “go to” emotion is annoyance. I am VERY easily annoyed by people, pets, TV shows, weather, work, food. You name it. Obviously this is not a very good state of existence. The reality is, if you have a “favorite” emotion, nine times out of ten you will feel it. Meaning, if it is your thing to be angry at stuff you will find yourself, well, angry at stuff. So for me, annoying things happen to me because I am easily annoyed. If I make the chose to look at those things differently, will they be annoying? Will I be encouraged to react differently? As a result will different outcomes occur?

This sounds a bit like “The Secret” but it really makes sense. Like does attract like.
You date losers because you put out the energy that losers are all you date (even if you say it angrily you are affirming it). If you are annoyed with your weight you will continue to be annoyed with it (ie, not lose weight). The idea is that if you look at yourself, life, others in a different manner they will begin to emulate the positive outlook you are now giving them.

I don’t know about the reality of this but I figure it can’t hurt. So, even though I am not Catholic, I am giving up annoyance for lent. Starting today and ending April 11th, I will try to view things in a more positive manner. I have already been tested twice today. One by a coworker who I find annoying in every conceivable way. She already did something that would annoy me today but I tried to catch myself and smile instead. I felt my blood pressure lowering. Then I had a meeting with my boss about my performance. I wanted an exceptional in a certain area and she gave me a fully successful. When I asked her why, her reasoning did not help me at all and I was all set to get annoyed when I stopped to think about what she was saying. In the government, directors only get so much money for awards and she was pretty limited so she couldn’t give exceptional in everything. She just didn’t have the funds but she said she thought I was doing a great job and thought the ratings she gave me showed I knew and did my job well, plus I would still get a monetary award for a fully sucessful. I chose to focus on that and again, feel a lot better than I did when I first saw the ratings. I am also going to take the time to really decipher what she was telling me so that I can look at improving as just an opportunity and not a message that I’ve been doing wrong. No one is perfect and we always need something to aspire to in order to keep us going and interested.

It’s a struggle but I think I’m going to give it a go.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dating in the '09: A Valentine's Day Rant and Ramble

So I was going to ignore the impending day and talk about other things like Presidents Day (for instance, although few know that Lincoln was indeed a racist who did not end slavery everywhere and certainly not because he was a humanitarian I still thank him for having Monday off and all the great sales), I decided to forgo it and acknowledge the day we all love to hate: Valentine's Day.

This year I do have dates but I still, as a single gal, reserve the right to express some cynical commentary on random things dealing with that day and dating period.

1) Why is it so hard to find a Valentine's Day card for someone you aren't related to, isn't your best friend or your significant other. If you're going out with someone you've only been dating for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?

2) I usually hate going out on VDay with someone I'm not sure I want to pursue romantically. I don't want to lead them in the wrong direction if in fact I'm not into them. Some people feel pressure to find Vday dates like they do New Years Eve dates. I don't. VDay is made to be spent with those you love. Be it your husband/wife, kids or girlfriends (don't think guys would hang like that, but maybe). If I don't love you or had time to establish a strong like- lets hang out February 15th.

3) If someone ask you out for VDay and they aren't someone you're dating/seeing, do you go Dutch? Or because they invited you do they pay? Do you give a gift or card? It seem presumptous to go empty handed.

4)In dating, at what number should the woman offer to contribute? At what number date should she offer to pay the whole thing? I watched Oprah once and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points.

5) I just came from watching He's Just Not That Into You which I really liked but still see as a romantic fairy tale. They made a good point in the begining. We're taught as little girls that a guy a likes you if he's mean to you (ie. pulls your pig tale). That resonates with us through adult hood and a lot of us have a hard time getting the hint that if a guy does us wrong or disappers its not necessarily simply because he's intimidated in some manner but really that he's just not into us.

6) If opposites attract is it better not to date someone who is essentially a female or male version of yourself? If you're basically just alike will that lead to boredom?

7) Why is it that some events charge more for being single than a couple. For instance an event might be $20 per person and $15 per couple. How is that fair? It's as if they are penalizing you for being single!

8) Dating gurus say now it's wrong to ask a guy, as part of the first few questions, what they do for a living. I've always made a practice of not asking but them sometimes I forget to ask and I do think what someone does for a living is a big part of who they are. If they are an ER doc that's important to know because they won't have much free time.

9) If you don't have immediate chemistry with someone on the first date? Do you date them again to see if it will come? If so, how many more dates?

10) Why is it that when "friends" you haven't heard from in years get married they invite you to the wedding but when they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings.


Ahh, the commercialism of love is in the air! Happy Valentine's Day

Monday, February 9, 2009

OOOOKAAAY

Just have to comment on some random things in the media thats got a girl scratching her curly little head.

Little Kim on Dancing with the Stars? I'm a bit veklimpted here (since this is really a made up word from Mike Myers skit in SNL I'll spell it how I like, thanks!). One can only assume she is trying to reinvent her image here for a classier one. And as we grow older I can't blame her for wanting to be more sophisticated. Especially coming from suck a less than classy rapping past. However, if she plans to resurrect her rapping career will it be in a differnt light? Because after doing this show, the hardcore Kim isn't really going to be there. I'm intrigued. I'm also wishing she hadn't gotten so much plastic surgery. Not sure I want to see her every week looking so on-the-road-to-Micheal-Jackson-like.

Chris Brown arrested? Just when you think you can count on some Black Stars to keep their nose clean this goes and happens. Thats like Nick Cannon or Will Smith getting arrested. I'm curious what really happened. It was a battery charge against an unnamed female who some assume was Rihanna although her camp says she is well (but well as can be expected or well as in nothing happened to her?). I have a hard time imaginging Chris Brown beating on anyone let alone a woman but I don't know him so we'll have to see.

Micheal Phelps and smoking the mary jane. Okay, so I am neutral on this. Obviously doing drugs is a bad thing. But he's not doing anything out of the norm. He's a 23 year old man/boy with a load of althletic pressure on him. It's not surprising that he engaged in some rec drug use. And I'm not mad that some of his sponsors pulled the plug on him. He is a role model whether he asked for it or not. And when he does wrong, he certainly shouldn't get paid for it but parents surely shouldn't be telling their kids to be like him anyway. Outside of swiming like a fish that's all he ever showed he was ready for. Focus on his athletic performance not his life style. That's the parents role.


The lady with 14 kids who will be raising them alone? She is like the old woman who lived in a shoe (although she's only in her early thirties). This seems like a nightmare to me. I mean one child would cut me back on my clothes shopping but 14 would have me wearing potato sacks! But in all seriousness, this opens up yet another legal-moral-medical query. I've always been iffy on invetro when there are so many kids who need adoption although I understand the need to want to have a biological child. However, when someone already has 6 kids and they are a single parent, someone needs to step in and say something. This opens up a whole new side of a woman's right to choose. To choose to keep having kids beyond what she can really handle. Does the gov't have the right to step in and say you can't have anymore b/c you have too many or b/c you are unfit, b/c you are disabled, and so forth?

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Music on My Mind This Month

I have neglected this but have been inspired again.
Here are some random songs I've been feeling.

Duffy- Stepping Stone. Originally I heard it in the promos for Damages, a series I watch, and ended up liking the song so much. Yet another soulful British inport!


I've been a Keri Hilson fan but seems this song is the one that's finally got her noticed- Turnin me Off-


However- I really like this one-Energy


Never been a tremendous T Pain fan but his song Freeze with Chris Brown is really catchy to me


Will.i.am kicks out some catch Obama themed songs- I like this one - It's a New Day-

Just heard this song and really liked it, heard it was grammy nominated, Anthony David feat. India Aire- Words



As an aside, I've been out of touch with neo- soul/ alternative rap so if anyone has a good suggestions I'm all ears!

Monday, February 2, 2009

That basdard ground hog saw his shadow

Just as I was complaining all weekend long (except for Sunday) about how redunculously cold it is my sad hope that Punxstawney Phil would not see his shadow was dashed. On this cold February 2nd that fat little turd saw his shadow and now we have 6 more weeks of winter (if you believe that sort of thing).

All I know is that it is so cold I don't want to leave my house. I wish I could work from home every day. I would not miss interaction with my coworkers- it's too cold. One of my friends is not even sure she wants to celebrate her birthday this month b/c she doesn't want to go out in the cold. I suggested a conference call party.

I don't even feel like exercising or doing anything. I just want to eat and be under the covers watching TV.
My skin is dry from head to toe and I practically have to dip myself in a vat of grease to keep moisturized.
Even my cat is cold. She's been sleeping either near the radiator or near me.

Damn you winter! Damn you to hell!

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Gimme My Money- The Passing of the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act

As a practitioner of employment discrimination law this act, signed today by President Obama, is a huge thing so I had to blog about it.

In the simplest of terms, the Lilly Ledbetter Act (aka Fair Pay Act) is like an amendment of the Equal Pay Act which stated that one gender, particularly women, cannot be paid less for the same job as the other gender. The Fair Pay Act turns over the Supreme Court case of Ledbetter v. Goodyear Tire and Rubber which stated that th
e time limit for pursuing a claim of pay discrimination begins on the date the allegedly discriminatory pay decision is made (time of hiring) and does not begin anew with each paycheck. Ms. Ledbetter had been working with Goodyear for 19 years before she received an anonymous letter explaining that she was making less than her male counterparts. Therefore, it was too late to bring a lawsuit, with there only being time limitation of 180 days from time of the pay decision to make a complaint.

In reality, who knows within 6 months of a new job what other coworkers are making? If we knew, there would be a lot more lawsuits/complaints. The Act changes the 180 day limitation from each new discriminatory pay check not from the first. It also covers race as well as sex.

I was listening to Barbra Miculski on the radio this morning discussing this act (she was one of the drafters of the act) and I am really hopeful that Acts like these will really start bridging the gap in pay. Miculski stated that black women make 67 cents to every white male dollar for the same job, black men make 72 cents, white women make 77 cents. With statistics like these one can only imagine that with the passing of this bill, lawsuits will be increasing.

And with that threat of lawsuit, employers will be very careful of how they make pay decisions and probably reevaluate some of the decisons they have already made (I smell raises for some people). If you're paying Billy 60,000 dollars to to practice law as a starting salary, you better give the same pay to Jessica or be able to document why.
Hurray for change!

Monday, January 26, 2009

Confessions of a not so Skinny girl


I’ve never been a skinny girl. Never been fat or chubby either but I’m curvy enough to wonder what it would be like if I was a skinny girl.

As I’ve gotten older I have found that more and more of the friends I hang around (of all races) are thinner than the girls I hung out with when I was younger. And thinner than me. In high school I was either a smaller sized girl or pretty average to most of the other girls. When I got in college I noticed the girls, again of all races, were much, much thinner than I could have imagined.

My size 8 was looked at as a full figure. Which is easy to do when ones roomate was actually somewhere between a size 0 and size 2 on a bad day. Other girls swam around size 4s and 6s. On a good day, I am a size 6. A really good day. In college it was easier to stay thinner when you had thin girls all around you and the food at the college was pretty healthy and tasty.

Enter law school. A nightmare of three years and a time where, somehow, my usual thirty minutes of working out three times a week didn’t do crap for me. By the time I graduated the horrendus affair I was a size 10. I didn’t even see it happening.

And that’s where I stayed until I started hanging around skinny girls again and then we had the audacity to plan a trip to Rio de Janiero Brazil . Home of the string bikini and many a Victoria ’s Secret model. This girl started working out and cutting out bad food like no tomorrow. I got back to a good size 7/8 and on a good day, a really good day, a size 6. And am still there.

But still among the thinner of my friends, by comparison I still look like the full figured gal. Again, when you have friends who wear size 2s and 4s, there is no competing. And I don’t plan to. They don’t look bad that skinny. Their bone structure allows for it. I on the other hand would be pushing the limit of what is attractive if I sunk below a size 6. Skeletor comes to mind. I am big boned. It is what it is.

But I must say, sometimes going out with the skinny girl is a blow to the ego of a fuller girl because the skinny girl always gets the looks, at least first. Thin is in, if it wasn't why do we continue to aspire to be thin? Not simply just fit. A skinny girl with an okay face seems to have an easier time than a plus sized gal with a really cute face. I’ve seen it plenty of times.

I’m not saying that the fuller or even average girl gets no love however, if she’s out with the skinny girl (and by skinny I’m not lumping in here dangerously sickly frail people, I’m talking hollywood thin) my observations have shown time and time again that the skinny girl will usually get the attention first. Oh, and if she’s blond AND skinny well she’s got it made. Polls still show that a thin blond blue eyed woman is the most attractive to the majority of men (we can talk racial preferences another time).

And although most guys I encounter say they like a little “cushion”, just how much cushion are they talking about?

Beyonce or Queen Latifah? Because, in reality, not many of us are even Beyonce’s size. Heck Beyonce is hardly her size. I thought she had a cute figure before she stepped out on her own. Yet she lost weight anyway. And even Rihanna, who was thin already, lost a lot of weight which aided in her cross over appeal for her later albums (well, that and a fly hair cut). And there are countless others who have lost “unnecessary weight” in order to be more appealing.

The word “average size” has a new definition as the years go by because our society is getting larger. So while in my mind average means not too skinny and not chubby. The average woman in America is size 14. By that notion, I am not averaged size. But I’m hardly thin.

Yet size is a social and cultural construct. In one country my size 7 might be a size 12. And among certain communities I am considered skinny (my coworkers roll their eyes and have literaly thrown things at me when I say I need to lose weight) but among my skinner friends I am average sized and a 14 is overweight/above avearage.

My reality has shown that a skinny girl gets a better reaction superficially than larger or even average sized girls. However, sometimes I wonder whether women lose weight for each other, themselves or men. Is there a size men prefer as opposed to a size women wish they were? For example, would men want us all to have a J Lo body but are women actually aspiring to an Angelina Jolie body?

Sigh, sometimes I think the media is the worst thing ever invented. Did women in the 1700s have this issue?

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Polimercialism?


Did I make this term up? If so, no copying, I’m TM ing it.

Obama bracelets

Obama dolls.

Obama Tshirts

Obama earrings

Obama watches

Heck even Malia and Sasha now have Beanie Babies made after them (and I must say their cute).

I wouldn’t be surprised if we see Michele be the next face of Carol’s Daughter.

But with all this commercialism for a political figure and family are we getting too involved in the hype?

Are we making the man a legend before he can sign a piece of legislation.

Although at the time of this writing he did sign to close down Guantanamo bay (I’m a yea for that).

I worry.

Obama is but a man but if we get caught up in the idea that he is going to make water into wine everyone’s going to get hurt.

Obama’s win meant hope on many levels. And I’m sure all those watching were hopeful that our economy would get better, that our world relations would improve and that our own personal goals would no longer be blocked by racism.

I must say that Obama being inaugurated made me fully feel like I was in the “future”.

I always thought the 21st century would be more futuristic. Flying cars and robot helpers (yes blame the Jetsons) and while that stuff is in development even ipods, blue tooth and touch screens wasn’t enough for me.

Nope, a black president meant the future to me. Meant we are finally getting somewhere.

Racism is not dead.

Our economy is far from healed and other countries still raise a suspicious brow towards us but I can’t help but feel that the door is open now for us to get things right.

The key word being “us”.

I’m just hoping that all the tears people had on inauguration day, all the obama dolls and posters won’t cloud the truth that one man can’t do it alone.

And for all the bad that Obama has inherited from the previous administration, one historian had it right, that the presidents most remembered are the ones who did well in crisis.

Think Abe Lincoln and the Civil War. Roosevelt and the Great Depression. JFK and LBJ and the civil rights movement. Heck, even George Washington and the war for independence.

One day, one can only hope, Obama will be remembered more for what a great presidency he had during a tough time than just the fact that he was the first black president.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

The Lonely Single

So, still seeing guy I briefly mentioned a couple post back. I only see him about once a week (one time twice) because he lives an hour away. Although he’s in another state, not sure an hour travel really qualifies as a long distance relationship which I tend to not like, but I’ve been told if they are in another state then that makes it long distance.

Anywho, because of the time constraint, I only see him on weekends. I realize that weekends are prime times to hang with friends so I imagine this might cut into his guy time. He said he told his friends the deal so he’s cool. Plus my thought is, he has the other weekend night to hang with them (as do I with my friends). Further, one weekend together out of a month won’t kill anyone either. We both discussed in our earlier dates the importance of time apart. I’m a firm believer in that. I enjoy hanging with my girls and family and I see the importance in having separate activities.

However, I don’t think that’s true of many women. At least not too many I know. See, for most of my friends (not all) when they “get a man” they become ghost. Naturally, when one enters a relationship or consistent dating scenario with someone their friends see less of them. That's fine and understandable. However, I find for women, we just about lose a friend altogether. As the usual single one, I’ve seen friends come and go and have had to make all new friends because of that. The closer the friend gets to the man the less I see them until the day they get married when they become a distant memory. I understand seeing them less but not at all, not so much as a phone chit chat? As if by saying “I do” they also mean “I do vow to never see my single friends again”. As if they no longer have anything in common with us. What could they possibly do with single people? They don’t go to the clubs anymore. But therein lies the problem. I’m pushing 30 (scary! But still have almost a year left to get a grip), I rarely go to clubs anymore. But dragging my attached friends to shopping, movies, travel, happy hours or dinners is becoming a feat in itself. And it shouldn't be!

I mean, who do attached women talk to about girl issues or love problems? Other attached women or no one? Maybe force the conversation onto their significant other? Do they believe that they can no longer relate to or communicate with their single friends?

For some of my attached friends I find they come out of hiding once in a blue moon and announce that we need to get together and go out. It may be my psychosis, but sometimes it feels as if they are saying it more as if they are doing me a favor rather than simply wanting to reconnect. I also find that it is hard to talk about my life to my attached friends unless it’s about a boy, and even then the interest is not that great as compared to when I talk to my single friends.
Is the life of a single person less interesting?

For me, it got to the point where I just enabled the distance by no longer inviting my attached friends places and not talking about my personal life unless they asked. I never understood this. When I am dating someone I never stopped hanging with my friends. Obviously I went out less but not so little I was missed. Plus I enjoy talking to my friends. My only other thought is that as you get attached, you start weeding out “non essential friends”. So perhaps my alleged friends are keeping contact with other people, just not the ones who weren’t as close because they don’t have time to keep in contact with everyone anymore. But then how many friends am I non essential to? Perhaps I just didn’t have enough good friends. I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over of how many friends in relationships now I still see. Perhaps those are my only good friends.

I wonder though, does this happen to guys? Do attached guys give up their single friends? Do they wait until marriage to do so? Or do they never?

I always wanted a Sex in the City/Golden Girls tight knit group of gal pals but I’m starting to realize that maybe that kind of female camaraderie just doesn’t exist in the real world. Maybe romance novels aren’t the only thing of make believe.