sked my friends and self- does instant chemistry predict a relationship? Meaning, if you meet a guy (or gal) and you hit it off majorly, does that mean he/she is something to investigate in the love department? And in the alternative, you meet someone and you have a date and they were nice and it was...okay. Nothing wrong, but no instant connection but, you know, maybe it can happen with time. You can't predict love but how long do you hold out in the hopes of a connection?I mean if you look forward to texting, emailing, calling, iming and hanging out with someone you kind of have the hope that it could go somewhere. However, what if that seemed like work? What if you never caught yourself thinking about that person, although you had a nice enough time hanging with them, you just aren't that into them. There is nothing wrong with them, for all practical purposes they'd be a good person to build a relationship with but... it's been almost two months and your heart isn't skipping a beat just yet. Should you give up? Give it time? No one wants to throw away a good thing.
I've had friends who've said the guys they instantly connected with have done them dirty, and I've been there as well. But some of my friends who are seeing guys now said there wasn't that instant connection and for some even strong doubt that they weren't someone they wanted to continue going out with yet they now would seriously consider marrying th
e guys they are seeing at some point in the future.Makes me also wonder- do women, in general, have more patience for that lack of initial chemistry than men? Is that why you see more women with guys you'd never think they'd get with? Would a man wait it out? Something in me says no. Simply put- are men more into chemsitry and women more in to practicality?
6 comments:
Your friends probably just aren't that proactive. I don't know anyone who chooses a practical date (What does it mean to be practical? An easy friend? A good husband?) over someone they actually like.
As for guys. Some are more mobile than others.
Thanks for your comment but let me just clear things up by saying that my friends aren't with guys they don't like. I was stating that there was no instant chemistry but they still liked the guys. And by practicality I meant exactly as you stated. To me you can like both someone you have an instant connection with and someone who doesn't make your earth move the first date or two. I am a bit confused by how someone wouldn't be proactive simply because they decided to give someone a chance they might not normally. And in my friends instances the chemistry was slow to come but it still arrived.
I think it varies individually.
I know I have found myself in several situations where I wasn't feeling the guy on first glance/first date, only to then get to know him better, open up and ended up really digging him. In fact, in my 8 year relationship, I wasn't even attracted to him at first. In my current situation, though there was a chemistry, I was still unsure for a bit, but time (and his exceptional care of me) has made me, well pretty damn smitten with him and attraction and feelings have grown.
But this doesn't happen with everyone. And I think there is a difference between feeling nothing at first, feeling potential and feeling just plain turned off. The latter, probably being the least to work out.
I always say give it time, but it works for me.
I'm not fully sold on instant chemistry being a good indicator of a possible relationship. In my past experiences, instant chemistry usually didn't result to much.
All of my long term relationships have stemmed from becoming friends, hanging out and getting to know one another. That situation was the longest with my husband. We have known each other since we were 12, been best friends since we were 17. We didn't become a couple until 25. I guess we dragged it out a bit and that probably wouldn't be so practical at the age we are now. But I think that if a man sees potential, he will be willing to wait it out. He just may not be willing to wait too long.
Hmmm. I have to co-sign with Erika on the instant chemistry thing. In the few occasions I've had where the chemistry (ie. passion and excitement) were high from the jump, it always ended up ebing short-lived and fleeting.
Hmmm...Good questions! Well, research shows that men still consider physical attraction the number one criterion for a mate, whereas women are interested in the physical, but it's less important. So, yes, I think men are more likely to expect an instant attraction and great sexual chemistry right off the bat.
As for me, I've had instant connections with men that went nowhere and slow, steady build-ups that also ended in heartbreak, so I don't know if chemistry or lack thereof is indicative of anything other than a strong attraction. If that attraction is accompanied by a great personality, good value system, and similar interests, you have a winner. If it's not, you just have attraction.
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