Don’t Bring Up the Past but You’ll be Doomed to Repeat It.

Okay in relationships, some of my friends are anti discussing the past relationships of the guys/girls they are seeing. They don’t want to know about how Cynthia broke your heart or how Melanie nagged you to death or how James had too much baggage. I haven’t ventured further with them to discuss whether this is something they would like to get into later on in the relationship, if its off topic for good or just simply not a first few dates subject of choice.

Maybe I’m doing myself a disservice here but I like to know about a guy’s past relationships early on. Yes, we shouldn’t be judged by our past and while knowing that he let things fall through the cracks with his ex Tess may color how I perceive him now, I’m not so quick to jump ship, I like to give the guy a chance to show he’s different. It’s just nice to know what I may (or may not) be working with. Perhaps it keeps me on guard, for better or worse.
But does this get in to murky waters? Does knowing someone’s past early on doom them from the start?

Do you want to know if the guy (or girl) you are seeing recently broke up with someone he’d been seeing for years and why they ended? Would this effect how much potential you see in anything happening with them (who wants to be the rebound)?

Do you want to know why a person is single? Is that a reasonable question?
Women have it hard in the dating scene and it is becoming more and more common for a woman to be 35 and still single. Will she need to explain herself (“it’s hard out there for a successful woman, or I was engaged, or black women have it tougher” etc).
If the idea is that women have it rough, are we less tolerant of older mean (say, 35 and up) who are still single?
Is the assumption that the world is their oyster so if they are still single it is really because they have this bachelor for life mentality or some other negative relationship connotation?

Is it concerning if someone has a lot of past relationships or hardly any at all? What assumptions do you make from that? That a “serial monogamer” has commitment phobia? Or that the serial dater is not relationship material? Maybe it’s simply that they’ve made bad selections in the dating/relationship partner world. Haven’t won that lottery in love bit?
Will you think positive before negative?

I guess the idea is that we all want to give people the benefit of the doubt but we don’t want to play the fool either. Time is precious. But should we get into someone’s past relationships early on? Like a job or getting a loan where the employer/bank looks into your work history/credit history before they consider/approve you, should this be done in the dating arena? Is it really the same? We learn from our mistakes (even in the working world- No you will not tell your boss where he can shove it again, and nope that Jimmy Choo shopping spree was not worth your now current bad credit) but jobs and banks don’t automatically see that and you may lose out without a defined showing of improvement. Same goes for a relationships.

Yes, you’ve been single since the original cast of the Mickey Mouse show but that doesn’t mean you don’t know how to carry a successful relationship.
And yes, your last few relationships failed because you were too jealous or never took her anywhere but you’re changing now, right?

But on the flip side, if a guy or girl is willing to offer this information early on will you turn a deaf ear to it? I mean, it’s “free” insight? Just as long as you try to see the bigger picture, couldn’t it only be helpful? Knowledge is power, right?

Also, are you willing to share your past just as much (because who wants another to know that much about you so soon?) Is divulging information about past relationships like opening up your flaws to the person?
Something to think about…