Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Dating Etiquette: Outdated or Underused?

So after two planned dates where the guys suggested venues closer to where they lived (and I'm not talking about a spot they've gone to that's unique to that area, I'm talking movies and a starbucks) instead of where I live I am brought to a grinding halt to wonder: Has dating etiquette changed or is it just some of the guys that I am seeing?

I believe that the first date should be at a location closer to the woman, or, at the very least, a location in the middle of where both parties live. I have dated too many guys who pick places down the street from them and have me taking the hike to meet them in their place. So that when they are snug in their beds at the end of the date I’m still driving my way home, using up more of my gas and expanding my carbon footprint. A restuarant they know of down the corner from them that they like and want to share with me is one thing, a generic place I can find anywhere is quite another. I can find a starbucks anywhere so why should we go to the one close to you instead of a middle ground?

I’m not picky on what the first date should be. I find letting the guy select tells you a little bit about him so if he chooses Chucky Cheeses as the date locale, fine. You’ve just found out he may have some growing up issues and you were forewarned. Had you picked the place you might have to find out a harder way. In any event, I think it’s good to let the guy be the “man” and plan the date and have the opportunity to impress you rather than you taking control of the situation the first time around.

Further, I’m not a stickler for traditional dates. I had an older co-worker balk at the idea that a guy wanted to meet me in the morning for coffee on the weekend instead of a nice fancy brunch. She said in her day guys wanted to impress women and take them out to nice places. She felt a guy who just took me to coffee thought that he was “hot stuff” and didn’t need to make an impression on me. I admit, brunch would have been nice, but I get it if someone is a constant dater, taking people out to fancy dinners/lunches/brunches all the time can be pricey. Especially if you don’t really know the person. Starting with a budget friendly date is no big deal but eventually I think all women, liked to be treated special. But it did make me wonder...
Sign O the Times I guess.

I still think the guy should pay for the first date no matter who suggests it. I’m all for going Dutch once in a while after the first date and even having the woman paying for it all further down the line but a guy who asks me to come out of pocket on the first date, especially if he asked me out, would annoy me (notice I said “would” because fortunately that hasn’t happened to me). It’s not gentlemanly or impressive. Not saying I have to be taken out to a fancy restaurant if its not in your budget but wherever the place is, asking a woman to pay up is not going to get you brownie points and will down grade your status. A woman likes to offer and then perhaps the guy will say “no it’s on me” but definitely don’t ask her to pay a thing on the first date. At the very least it makes me think that he is only interested in being friends (even though my male friends have paid for outings with me before) and not that he is simply cheap or confused about how far the women’s lib movement really goes.

He should follow the date up with a call or text to make sure you got home safely. I admit, most guys I go out with do this but when they don’t I get a bit bothered. I don’t expect a new found parent but darn please give a crap whether I make it home safely or not? Or is he already a sleep since the dating location was close to him?

I’m just saying... What is the real dating etiquette for the millennium?

6 comments:

Unknown said...

I think a guy for the first date should pick up the girl. Take her somewhere nice. Open all doors. Pay for the entire date, and drop her off safely at home.

The woman should call later and thank him.

This is what I believe should happen but, in today's world it is happening less and less.

Today:
I'll meet you just in case you are crazy I don't want you to know where I live.
Hey woman make just as much as men and are screaming independence so you can pay too.
And open your own doors.

Like you said the first date and his behavior about it will tell you everything. If he isn't doing what you feel should happen he is not a keeper. He will probably get worse.

Corey said...

On first dates you should usually take someone that you KNOW is good. Usually these places are in your neighborhood. It makes sense that if he is choosing the location it's probably going to be by him. Also, since he's paying isn't it fair that you be he one to invest in some gas to get there?

If you want to be somewhere closer to you, then why not take the reigns and suggest a place closer to you. All you have to do is ask, and if he has issue with this he probably isn't right for you anyway.

CC Solomon said...

Good point Corey, I had someone say the same thing. And that was fine or a middle ground is all I'm saying. The issue I have is, it's not like the places they were suggesting were unique (movies and a starbucks) so it could have been anywhere. I believe, maybe you were thinking that they suggested, say a restuarant they liked that was near them. That would be fine.

All-Mi-T [Thought Crime] Rawdawgbuffalo said...

under used

The Baltimore Babe said...

Perhaps he doesn't know where you live? In that case if Starbucks is the location, you could say hey, how about this Starbucks which is just a little bit closer to me. Today's dating is so murky sometimes its hard to say what is going on, but if the guy is really into you, wants to date you and is excited about you, most likely, he'll call, take you out, pick up, etc.

Eb the Celeb said...

Chivalry is definitely dead and I am tired of having to deal with the bull... its crazy