So okay, it's 2007, the feminist movement has been in effect for a while, Sex in the City ruled supreme so with that, really, do men want women to take the lead in the dating scene? Guys do you like it when a woman approaches you in a club or ask you out? Ladies, are you up for that? I'm see-sawing on the whole thing. I used to bask in the sun with the knowledge that all women had to do was say yes or no to a guy who approached them. But the older I get, the more sucessful/educated I become and the smaller my dating pool becomes I am begining to think I need to take the proverbial bull by the horns and make the first move.
But fellas this is tough on a female too. Guys turn women down. Women fear rejection too. And with todays impossible standards on female beauty, the shot to the ego that rejection can bring I say is stronger than what a male has to deal with. Especially when women don't go soley by looks but hone in on personality and background (hello Jay-Z, Jermaine Dupri, Russel Simmons, Forest Whittaker, Chris Rock and a host of others didn't get beautiful women from their killer looks). And the men have it easy. They are outnumbered by women and an average guy can get an above average female so men can be picky.
So with that said, I'm of the opinion that women asking men out is a lot tougher than the flip side. Why can't there be a middle ground? If I drop a smile at a guy, can't he come the rest of the way and start the dialogue? And if I do go up to a guy, what does that guy think of me- that I'm like Samantha from Sex in the City, a little loose? Or even simply that I'm a bold assertive chick? But what if I'm none of these and simply am eating my nerves at that moment to get what I want, will he lose interest when he finds I'm not that bold in real life? And what hints does a woman get from a man that he's interested to let her know to make a move? Women smile, touch, pay close attention to guys we dig. What do men do?
Sigh, sometimes I wish we were in the days of Jane Austin (minus the slavery and repression of course) and just did courtships. Leave the hard work to the elders...
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- CC Solomon
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- DMV based professional who likes to read, write and rant!
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4 comments:
Well you know homegirl, when it comes to all things dating-wise, I have much to say. One is that I'm all for approaching a guy and originally initiating things with a dude but quite honestly, I haven't had many good experiences with it. They say if you have to go after a guy, then he's not really that interested and in my experience, it has been true. None of the guys I pursued had enough interest to then pursue me back. And experience has also shown me that the longer relationships Ive had, were where the guy pursued things with me. Which leads me to believe it may have more lasting potential if the guy takes the lead because he is more sure of what he wants and isn't everything just easier when the guy is sure and takes action? It is.
That said, I wouldn't ever say never approach a guy because ther eare always exceptions; shy guys, intimidated guys, false assumptions and the like. It's not really something I care to do anymore but it has worked for some women. Wish I had advice but I prefer to let the man take the lead.
Then I'll also take it and roll with it.
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As a man, it feels good to have a woman approach you every once in a while, but in the end it seems to work much much better when the man makes the intial move. He knows what he wants, etc. etc.
With all that said, now that women know how nerve racking the first move can be, cut us men a lil slack, huh?
There's nothing wrong with a girl approaching a guy, initially. It's very possible that the guy just happened to not be looking in your direction, and therefore did not see you. Naturally, a male ought to make the first physical move (whenever that may be). It's true that when an attractive girl makes the initial approach, the guy may immediately think that she's a fast mover, but these ideas can easily be dispelled (or reinforced) in a conversation.
The main difference is that guys place more value on looks. A very attractive girl is more likely to be receptive to an approach by an average looking guy. But even if a below average guy is approached by an average looking girl, he likely wont be very receptive to her advances.
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