Interracial Dating and Black women and White men: Drama or No Big Thing?

Posted about this before but have more to say.

It's 2009 and we are seeing more and more interracial couples. Heck, a good number of my family and friends are in interracial couplings (black female/white male mix). I've never cared about such things (I fancy myself and Equal Opportunity Dater). Although there are way more black men/ white women couplings, I am beginning to have a sneaking suspicion that this will change. I am seeing more and more black women with white men.

Why? As I stated in my previous post, I do believe that money and education differences between black women and men play a large factor. However, despite the stereotypes, I find many educated black women are willing to date black men not on their pay or education scale. I have most of my life, with no problems as long as there wasn't a drastic difference. However, even that willingness doesn't help the fact that there are still so few eligible black men who also want to get married.

So then what?A lot of black women are starting to explore "something new". And for most it seems to be working. But what about society's view? My thought would be that black men would not care if more black women started dating white men because so many black men date white women? All's fair right?

Not so, I still am surprised by the amount of disapproving looks, comments and behaviors I get from black men for dating a white guy (I haven't noticed anything, yet, from other groups). I can't lump people all together. I know that those disapprovers aren't necessarily dating white women themselves but still, they know the deal. For every black woman/white male couple there are at least 5 black man/white woman couples.

And with the percentage of unwed black women being around 40% (dramatically higher than all other racial groups) can you blame a woman for saying, "the hell with this, let me see what else is out there"?. Black women, largely raise kids out of wedlock, in fact, I venture to say it's the norm (I believe well over 60% of black children are raised in single parent homes, not the same for other races). No one aspires to be a single mother and just because black women have dealt with it and found the strength to do so, doesn't mean that should be our lot in life.

We've come to accept seeing black men with white women but is this so for the other way around. Is the black woman/ white man still a rare line that few are willing to cross? There is history there after all. Black women being seen and used as sexual objects during slavery, it is still a present wonder. I have a friend who when she dates a white guy always wonders in the beginning if he is dating her for her or for the "experience of dating a black woman". Then there is the shared historic experience of being black (culturally, and socially) that a white man wouldn't know automatically (a small inconvenience that he wouldn't understand why I wrap my hair at night with a silk scarf but still something to note). And then family. I just watched This Christmas in which one of the sons secretly married a white woman and was afraid to tell his family. Sometimes I wonder if nowadays black people have an ever harder time bringing a white person home to their families than white people. Especially black men who know mama might be, let's say, taken a back. And I'm sure that isn't who Dad had thought he'd be walking you down the aile to when you got married.

I don't know, as much as I would like to, I'm not ready to believe that interracial dating is a union to go lightly into. I always bring up race and have frank discussions about it when I'm dating a man outside of my race. I'm a firm believer in the couple discussing race with no hold backs instead of ignoring it. Being color blind makes us blind to the real issues. I want the other to know our differences and decide on whether we can accept them even if others can't.