Mirror Mirror- Playing by Numbers

Is it possible that someone thinks they look like Brad Pitt but to society they look more like Jack Black (not to knock on him but there is a marked difference). I have a friend who prefers to date white men but she believes (I don’t) that she appeals mainly to black men due to curvy figure. Hard place to be in if what you are attracted to isn’t attracted to you. I believe she will meet someone who appeals to her.

See my thought is that you should never judge your looks based on the types of guys/girls you attract. Kimora Lee, Heidi Klum, Selma Hayek are but a few prime examples (lets just say their men hit the jack pot superficially wise). At least I tell myself this. However, if one gets approached by 10 Flava Flav look alikes in a row, one can’t help but want to do a reality “mirror” check to reevaluate the image they are presenting to the world. And more importantly should they change their look to achieve attention from their desired type?

Research shows that people tend to date within one or two points of their looks level (not going to touch the fact that people are rating each other since it should be subjective and this study doesn't count in money or fame status which can make a difference). In the study people were given numbers and then they were to search for partners. Needless to say the higher numbers had an easier time and the lower numbers were the last to pick (just because you're a two doesn't mean you want another two). They were going based on the number ranking of what was hot (not necessarily if they thought the person was hot or not). With that in play, if we didn't have the superficial in the way, would we still end up with the same people? Do we actually (even if subconsciously based on how we act or dress) pick or not pick mates based on how attractive we view ourselves? Is physical attraction a man made mate selection tool (that as we've seen changes with time) or a natural tool of evolution/God's method for us to help choose our mates? And if its the latter are cultural influences in what is deemed attractive throwing us off from finding the right people we should naturally be attracted to?

Dating in the '09: A Valentine's Day Rant and Ramble

So I was going to ignore the impending day and talk about other things like Presidents Day (for instance, although few know that Lincoln was indeed a racist who did not end slavery everywhere and certainly not because he was a humanitarian I still thank him for having Monday off and all the great sales), I decided to forgo it and acknowledge the day we all love to hate: Valentine's Day.

This year I do have dates but I still, as a single gal, reserve the right to express some cynical commentary on random things dealing with that day and dating period.

1) Why is it so hard to find a Valentine's Day card for someone you aren't related to, isn't your best friend or your significant other. If you're going out with someone you've only been dating for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?

2) I usually hate going out on VDay with someone I'm not sure I want to pursue romantically. I don't want to lead them in the wrong direction if in fact I'm not into them. Some people feel pressure to find Vday dates like they do New Years Eve dates. I don't. VDay is made to be spent with those you love. Be it your husband/wife, kids or girlfriends (don't think guys would hang like that, but maybe). If I don't love you or had time to establish a strong like- lets hang out February 15th.

3) If someone ask you out for VDay and they aren't someone you're dating/seeing, do you go Dutch? Or because they invited you do they pay? Do you give a gift or card? It seem presumptous to go empty handed.

4)In dating, at what number should the woman offer to contribute? At what number date should she offer to pay the whole thing? I watched Oprah once and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points.

5) I just came from watching He's Just Not That Into You which I really liked but still see as a romantic fairy tale. They made a good point in the begining. We're taught as little girls that a guy a likes you if he's mean to you (ie. pulls your pig tale). That resonates with us through adult hood and a lot of us have a hard time getting the hint that if a guy does us wrong or disappers its not necessarily simply because he's intimidated in some manner but really that he's just not into us.

6) If opposites attract is it better not to date someone who is essentially a female or male version of yourself? If you're basically just alike will that lead to boredom?

7) Why is it that some events charge more for being single than a couple. For instance an event might be $20 per person and $15 per couple. How is that fair? It's as if they are penalizing you for being single!

8) Dating gurus say now it's wrong to ask a guy, as part of the first few questions, what they do for a living. I've always made a practice of not asking but them sometimes I forget to ask and I do think what someone does for a living is a big part of who they are. If they are an ER doc that's important to know because they won't have much free time.

9) If you don't have immediate chemistry with someone on the first date? Do you date them again to see if it will come? If so, how many more dates?

10) Why is it that when "friends" you haven't heard from in years get married they invite you to the wedding but when they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings.

Ahh, the commercialism of love is in the air! Happy Valentine's Day