Mirror Mirror- Playing by Numbers

Is it possible that someone thinks they look like Brad Pitt but to society they look more like Jack Black (not to knock on him but there is a marked difference). I have a friend who prefers to date white men but she believes (I don’t) that she appeals mainly to black men due to curvy figure. Hard place to be in if what you are attracted to isn’t attracted to you. I believe she will meet someone who appeals to her.

See my thought is that you should never judge your looks based on the types of guys/girls you attract. Kimora Lee, Heidi Klum, Selma Hayek are but a few prime examples (lets just say their men hit the jack pot superficially wise). At least I tell myself this. However, if one gets approached by 10 Flava Flav look alikes in a row, one can’t help but want to do a reality “mirror” check to reevaluate the image they are presenting to the world. And more importantly should they change their look to achieve attention from their desired type?

Research shows that people tend to date within one or two points of their looks level (not going to touch the fact that people are rating each other since it should be subjective and this study doesn't count in money or fame status which can make a difference). In the study people were given numbers and then they were to search for partners. Needless to say the higher numbers had an easier time and the lower numbers were the last to pick (just because you're a two doesn't mean you want another two). They were going based on the number ranking of what was hot (not necessarily if they thought the person was hot or not). With that in play, if we didn't have the superficial in the way, would we still end up with the same people? Do we actually (even if subconsciously based on how we act or dress) pick or not pick mates based on how attractive we view ourselves? Is physical attraction a man made mate selection tool (that as we've seen changes with time) or a natural tool of evolution/God's method for us to help choose our mates? And if its the latter are cultural influences in what is deemed attractive throwing us off from finding the right people we should naturally be attracted to?

The Blame Game

So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.

When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.

As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?

This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.
I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.

Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!

VH1 TV Shows Music Videos Celebrity Photos News & Gossip

Tough Love: Girl does not meet boy

I was watching this show with a guy friend of mine and this beautiful woman in her mid thirties stated that she had never been in a serious relationship and he did not get how that could happen. I told him it was a lot easier than he thought. I know a good amount of women in their thirties who haven’t dated in almost a decade. Now I’ve been single for an ion but I can at least say I have had the fortune (or some times misfortune) to consistently date but I get how a woman, even one that looks like Halle Berry with a Michele Obama intelligence and a Oprah personality, can be single for a long long time. So I ask you:

Where the men at?

If you are in a situation where you don’t work, live or worship around eligible men, you’re kind of in a rut. Outside of school, we rarely are in situations on a consistent basis where we are around eligible bachelors. You are kind of limited on possibilities except for rare fluke encounters at the store or gym.

So, I gotta ask, where does a single gal go? The idea of doing something just to meet a man doesn’t sit well with me but I understand that you have to put yourself in places to be seen as well. Which leads me to my new favorite reality show: Tough love. Which is basically a dating boot camp headed by this male match maker. Eight beautiful women, ranging from 21 to 38 are given dating overhauls to try to find what they are doing wrong. Maybe it's not that men aren't out there, maybe they are putting off a vibe that runs the good ones away. For some it's obvious: there's the cold one, the one who constantly talks about marriage, the one who wants to be save a dude, the partier, the gold digger. But there were some women I could relate to, particularly the woman who had a fairy tale idea of what she wanted and the woman who put up a cold facade. Nothing like seeing a characteristic you can relate to on another person to make you take a second look at yourself.

The show is by the creators of He's Just Not That Into You and I think I'll follow it to see if it's actually possible that I might learn something too. Though I'm not ruling out the idea that Baltimore is limited in eligible singles, I know that I can't change my surroundings so maybe by reevaluating what I can change (myself) maybe I might start attracting the the type of men I really want to date. We'll see.

The Lonely Single

So, still seeing guy I briefly mentioned a couple post back. I only see him about once a week (one time twice) because he lives an hour away. Although he’s in another state, not sure an hour travel really qualifies as a long distance relationship which I tend to not like, but I’ve been told if they are in another state then that makes it long distance.

Anywho, because of the time constraint, I only see him on weekends. I realize that weekends are prime times to hang with friends so I imagine this might cut into his guy time. He said he told his friends the deal so he’s cool. Plus my thought is, he has the other weekend night to hang with them (as do I with my friends). Further, one weekend together out of a month won’t kill anyone either. We both discussed in our earlier dates the importance of time apart. I’m a firm believer in that. I enjoy hanging with my girls and family and I see the importance in having separate activities.

However, I don’t think that’s true of many women. At least not too many I know. See, for most of my friends (not all) when they “get a man” they become ghost. Naturally, when one enters a relationship or consistent dating scenario with someone their friends see less of them. That's fine and understandable. However, I find for women, we just about lose a friend altogether. As the usual single one, I’ve seen friends come and go and have had to make all new friends because of that. The closer the friend gets to the man the less I see them until the day they get married when they become a distant memory. I understand seeing them less but not at all, not so much as a phone chit chat? As if by saying “I do” they also mean “I do vow to never see my single friends again”. As if they no longer have anything in common with us. What could they possibly do with single people? They don’t go to the clubs anymore. But therein lies the problem. I’m pushing 30 (scary! But still have almost a year left to get a grip), I rarely go to clubs anymore. But dragging my attached friends to shopping, movies, travel, happy hours or dinners is becoming a feat in itself. And it shouldn't be!

I mean, who do attached women talk to about girl issues or love problems? Other attached women or no one? Maybe force the conversation onto their significant other? Do they believe that they can no longer relate to or communicate with their single friends?

For some of my attached friends I find they come out of hiding once in a blue moon and announce that we need to get together and go out. It may be my psychosis, but sometimes it feels as if they are saying it more as if they are doing me a favor rather than simply wanting to reconnect. I also find that it is hard to talk about my life to my attached friends unless it’s about a boy, and even then the interest is not that great as compared to when I talk to my single friends.
Is the life of a single person less interesting?

For me, it got to the point where I just enabled the distance by no longer inviting my attached friends places and not talking about my personal life unless they asked. I never understood this. When I am dating someone I never stopped hanging with my friends. Obviously I went out less but not so little I was missed. Plus I enjoy talking to my friends. My only other thought is that as you get attached, you start weeding out “non essential friends”. So perhaps my alleged friends are keeping contact with other people, just not the ones who weren’t as close because they don’t have time to keep in contact with everyone anymore. But then how many friends am I non essential to? Perhaps I just didn’t have enough good friends. I can count on one hand with a couple of fingers left over of how many friends in relationships now I still see. Perhaps those are my only good friends.

I wonder though, does this happen to guys? Do attached guys give up their single friends? Do they wait until marriage to do so? Or do they never?

I always wanted a Sex in the City/Golden Girls tight knit group of gal pals but I’m starting to realize that maybe that kind of female camaraderie just doesn’t exist in the real world. Maybe romance novels aren’t the only thing of make believe.

Deal Breakers

Yes, yet another post on dating. Now that the election is over I can go back to the more important things in life (kidding!).

In dating and relationships what are some things, superficial or deeper, that you cannot deal with at all?

Here are a few on my list:

Deeper

Unemployed guy -I don’t want to be anyone’s suga mama
Guy with no car -we are not in New York and I don’t like being a chauffer all the time
Guy with baby mama drama -I prefer a guy with no kids but I am absolutely out if he can’t seem to develop an appropriate relationship with the mother of his child or doesn’t pay child support
Guy who can’t speak proper English -he must have at least graduated high school and can carry an educated conversation without sounding like Damon Wayne’s convict character from In Living Color
No ex or current convicts- Unless you were a political prisoner (and even then) this is a no go
No drug addicts/alcoholics- this is very bad drama here
Must not be married -should go without saying but goes to even those who are separated unless it’s been almost a year which is the time you have to wait to get a no fault divorce, anything sooner is just well, too soon
Effeminate men- If we see a bug in the corner of the room and your scream is louder than mine we have a problem.
Socially uncouth- Sorry can’t continue to date a guy who picks his nose in front of me or belches or farts without excusing himself. Can’t be messy or gross.

Superficial

Obese guys -a few extra pounds aren’t too bad and can easily be shed but a man who has boobs larger than mine or can’t go on a hike with me because he loses breath too quickly is a no go
A guy who can’t see straight -I’m sorry I just can’ date a cock eyed guy, throws me off
Bad kisser- I’m actually mixed on this one. If a guy sets his ego aside and you say it gently enough you can kind of help him out, hopefully, otherwise it’s a no go
Guys who are too old or two young- age ain’t nothing but a number but there is a limit. I can’t date someone old enough to be my dad (vomits in mouth a little) or young enough to be a cast member in High School Musical nor am I into the whole cougar thing (although I’m a long way from that yet)
Smelly guys- gotta be able to breathe when I’m around you, no compromise on that
Bad teeth- I’m talking horrendous here, you don’t need a perfect set of pearly whites but no missing front teeth, no grills, no mangled-been -eating -rocks teeth
Short men- now I’m short so my definition is a little more open. The man simply cannot be shorter than or as tall as me in flats.

Tolerable things that you can change later on (that isn’t under the whole you can’t change a man theory)

Bad dresser -buy him only clothes for his birthday and Christmas, he won’t complain if he looks good in them or just go shopping with him
Balding -encourage him to shave it all off but as he gets older (say over 45) this just comes with the territory, dating a 20/early 30 something with George Jefferson hair is not cute.
Hairy -unless he looks like one of those Gieco guys this isn’t really a deal breaker, at the most encourage him to shave

What’s on your list?

The Dating Game: Perfection vs. Flaws

It's been a while since I did a post on dating but I had some random thoughts. I've written about the whole chemistry vs. practicality bit and have come to a realization through all my dating trials and tribulations that I prefer good conversation and not necessarily any overwhelming chemistry on the first couple or few dates. Chemistry is important but sometimes it can be deceptive and throw you off track. I'm not saying if you don't feel the slightest bit of attraction to someone wait it out. If the person visually doses nothing for you, you aren't going to want to continue dating them, it'll seem more like work than fun. And chemistry exisit for a reason.

Call me jaded, but I just don't like the idea of getting swept up in chemistry. The idea, for me, is to really get a chance to see the person and gain a solid connection. Stay clear headed enough to not fall for the "hype" and, instead, see the real. Again, this is ideal but not always the case.

I have had several coworkers and friends warn me about men that are full of the "hype" aka do every thing perfectly. They say if you meet a guy who you have little complaints about and who knows how to romance you above and beyond the norm then something is wrong. Now initially it would seem like such a pessimistic view to assume that if everything is right something, therefore, must be wrong. But they had a certain logic to their views (and these are all women who are older and married who said this). The thought is that a "perfect man" is actually a player. He knows women, knows their wants and knows how to give it to them. They study women. They gave me several real life examples. The worst being a woman who bragged about how wonderful her husband was, how they never argued and how he always did great things for her. She later found out he had a whole seperate family somewhere else. Another example, was the woman who had a boyfriend of three years who did and said all the right things, said he wanted to marry her, took her house hunting. She found out he had a woman in several states.

The point they were making is that a "good/faithful" man is one who comes with a few flaws. He may not know all the ways to make a woman happy and that you'll have to school him- ever so lovingly of course. They weren't stating that you change him. He'll be who he'll be. Rather the change will be in how he treats you. For instance, one coworker stated that she mentioned to her husband that she loves flowers. Speaking in generalities, the player would know this instantly and show up with flowers on a date. The average good guy might need that message gently repeated several times before he follows through. It took him a very long time but her husband eventually got it.

I said to her, this seems like work. She replied, yes it is but the outcome is worth it. It's a practice in tolerance and patience.

Her advise echoed a bit of the adivse from the author of the book Why Men Cheat, Gary Neuman who also appeared on Oprah. Neuman stated that men, in general, like to feel appriciated and want to feel useful and be praised. When they don't get that, they sometimes cheat. Some women felt that this seemed like a lot of work. To praise a man for taking out the trash? Women don't expect such praise. The Neuman admitted that it wasn't fair but he, like my coworker, simply acknowleged that although men may be physically stronger than women in many ways they can be emotionally more sensitive. I'll preserve my opinions on that but I will say the logic seems sound.

Therefore, per my coworkers logic, if you let a guy know how what he does can help you for the better, rather than nagging or not saying anything, he will be more inclined to do it. He will feel like he is appriciated and helpful and you get what you want. It's a simple give and take really. Not so simple is that you have to constantly work at it. My coworker, inisist that you cannot expect a man to be something or do something, watch out for those she says. If you want to be romanced, tell him what you like. If you don't carry the expectations you won't be let down and you won't pass over a good guy who doesn't mind learning about what you like.

Sound advice but it's so hard for women to hear when we've been raised on fairy tales where men just know what to do.

Cities for Singles?

So Forbes came out with this years best cities for singles and all I got to say is this: What kind of single people were they talking about?

Here's the link http://www.forbes.com/2008/09/04/best-cities-singles-forbeslife-singles08-cx_ee_0904singles_land.html

but below are the top 25 cities (they list 40 in all with my family home town of Jacksonville, Florida being last (not surprising! there's no one there!):

1. Atlanta - now for a black straight woman, I wonder if this is really accurate. I heard there is a large gay black male community here (down low and out) and even though there is a large upper class black community with a cool night scene, I'm not sold on Hotlanta being the place to be.


2. San Francisco - now, come on, they are not talking about straight singles here! which is fine but lets be clear so no one gets set up!


3. Dallas - I could see this


4. Minneapolis - is this a diverse city?


5. Washington D.C. - all the women in this city? they must be talking about for single men


6. Seattle - I actually hear good things about this city


7. Boston


8. New York City - not surprised


9. Orlando - guess all those disney characters are hooking up!


10. Phoenix


11. Chicago - I'm a beliver, guess people want to get attached when it gets really cold there


12. Denver-Aurora - same thought here


13. Miami - all the beautiful people, wonder if it's really superficial, like do you need to be a model to find love here?


14. Austin


15. San Antonio


16. Los Angeles


17. Houston - this is the fourth texas city announced, guess love is big in texas too!


18. Charlotte


19. San Diego


20. St. Louis


21. Columbus


22. Philadelphia


23. Tampa-St. Petersburg


24. Las Vegas


25. Baltimore - scratches her head on this one, are they thinking of all races and social economic backgrounds when they list this city? You know maybe there are a lot of single folk here but we sure aren't meeting each other (at least not eligible (ie educated, job having, no drama/std/drugs toting) ones)

The site also list other categories like best/worst night life- NY got the best, Charlotte, NC got the worst (number 40 out of 40), Baltimore was 21st

best/worst on line dating- Charlotte was the best (makes since since their night life is the worst guess they spend more time indoors on line at night?), Memphis was the worst, Baltimore ranked 23rd.

best/worst culture- Los Angeles was the best, Jacksonville ranked worst, Baltimore ranked 17th. Now by culture I'm not sure if they mean racial diversity or artistic culture or both. If artistic or both- I might agree. I still haven't found the arts scene in Jville and it's hardly a diverse city (still some racial problems going on there) and ranking Bmore as slightly above the middle seems fair. We've got a lot of art but we aren't beating out NY , Philly, DC or Miami, especially when mixed in with the diversity factor.

In all honesty, I think this site is talking about who has more singles in it than which city has more love opportunities for singles. Therefore Jacksonville ranking last makes since, seeing as all my cousins are in relationships there. Atlanta and New York being top cities only shows that there are a lot of single people there which might mean less people interested in committed relationships which may mean lesser chances of getting in a relationship there (but I guess you'll have fun dating!) Using that logic then wouldn't it make since to go to the states with fewer singles? It may mean that the few singles will feel a greater desire to get in relationships because the single scene is so small. Hmm, just wondering.

Dating Etiquette: Outdated or Underused?

So after two planned dates where the guys suggested venues closer to where they lived (and I'm not talking about a spot they've gone to that's unique to that area, I'm talking movies and a starbucks) instead of where I live I am brought to a grinding halt to wonder: Has dating etiquette changed or is it just some of the guys that I am seeing?

I believe that the first date should be at a location closer to the woman, or, at the very least, a location in the middle of where both parties live. I have dated too many guys who pick places down the street from them and have me taking the hike to meet them in their place. So that when they are snug in their beds at the end of the date I’m still driving my way home, using up more of my gas and expanding my carbon footprint. A restuarant they know of down the corner from them that they like and want to share with me is one thing, a generic place I can find anywhere is quite another. I can find a starbucks anywhere so why should we go to the one close to you instead of a middle ground?

I’m not picky on what the first date should be. I find letting the guy select tells you a little bit about him so if he chooses Chucky Cheeses as the date locale, fine. You’ve just found out he may have some growing up issues and you were forewarned. Had you picked the place you might have to find out a harder way. In any event, I think it’s good to let the guy be the “man” and plan the date and have the opportunity to impress you rather than you taking control of the situation the first time around.

Further, I’m not a stickler for traditional dates. I had an older co-worker balk at the idea that a guy wanted to meet me in the morning for coffee on the weekend instead of a nice fancy brunch. She said in her day guys wanted to impress women and take them out to nice places. She felt a guy who just took me to coffee thought that he was “hot stuff” and didn’t need to make an impression on me. I admit, brunch would have been nice, but I get it if someone is a constant dater, taking people out to fancy dinners/lunches/brunches all the time can be pricey. Especially if you don’t really know the person. Starting with a budget friendly date is no big deal but eventually I think all women, liked to be treated special. But it did make me wonder...
Sign O the Times I guess.

I still think the guy should pay for the first date no matter who suggests it. I’m all for going Dutch once in a while after the first date and even having the woman paying for it all further down the line but a guy who asks me to come out of pocket on the first date, especially if he asked me out, would annoy me (notice I said “would” because fortunately that hasn’t happened to me). It’s not gentlemanly or impressive. Not saying I have to be taken out to a fancy restaurant if its not in your budget but wherever the place is, asking a woman to pay up is not going to get you brownie points and will down grade your status. A woman likes to offer and then perhaps the guy will say “no it’s on me” but definitely don’t ask her to pay a thing on the first date. At the very least it makes me think that he is only interested in being friends (even though my male friends have paid for outings with me before) and not that he is simply cheap or confused about how far the women’s lib movement really goes.

He should follow the date up with a call or text to make sure you got home safely. I admit, most guys I go out with do this but when they don’t I get a bit bothered. I don’t expect a new found parent but darn please give a crap whether I make it home safely or not? Or is he already a sleep since the dating location was close to him?

I’m just saying... What is the real dating etiquette for the millennium?

Texting is the New High Tech Security Blanket

Joe: Hey Cat this is Joe. We met at the gym, how are you?

Cat: Hey, things are good.

Joe: So how was your weekend? I was so busy with family for the holidays. Sorry I didn't call sooner

Cat:.....

No response.

Seriously, dude, pick up the phone! No we are not going to get into a whole conversation over text!

I took a very informal poll and found out that people, most particularly women, do not care for texting as the first communication from a guy. Meaning, if I meet Joe while out and give said man my number I do not care for his eventual technological contact with me to be via texting. Now I'm not talking about I just met him and moments later he sends me a text. That's okay, maybe even cute depending on what he wrote. HOWEVER, fellas, if you contact a person a day or so later and it is via a text message that is a let down.

Calling shows you are motivated to speak to that person and willing to set aside some time to get to know him or her and possibly plan an outing for the future. Texting someone as the first contact is a cop out and makes that person seem like they were an after thought. I say suck it up, take a risk and call that person!

What's the worst that could happen? You've already taken the biggest risk and it paid off because you got their number. And if they aren't home, I know this might be scary for some people but, you might just want to leave a message! Maybe it's just me but I like it when a guy cares enough to leave a message instead of just hanging up. Otherwise I'm left with the fact that he called because I have caller ID but don't know if I should call him back, is it important or does he plan to just call me back when he can? Too many questions, let's be simple, leave a message!

I know it's scary to call someone the first time but texting instead of making that first call has got to be the most annoying thing since walking around with those phone earpieces...when you aren't even talking to someone... or have your hands in use...while on a date. Everytime I see someone walk around with those things like they are Lt. Uhura from Star Trek I have to sigh deeply and practice some Ghandi like patience. Disengage from the machinery people!

Okay, back to the regularly schedule programming.

Anyway, I have to wonder if technology, for all it's greatness, is also making us lazy. I am meeting way too many guys who feel texting me a message for our first conversation is okay. Further , they then try to put the "burden" of calling off on me. They text me saying "hey, it's Pete from the other day, what's up, give a call when you can".

Seriously?

If you are the one interested why aren't you calling me? How has calling someone become the new hot potato?

The Randomness of it all: Things I heard/read:

So much for hiding from those aliens…

You ever see those sci-fi movies where the earth gets invaded by aliens? Ever wonder how the hell they found us if their planet was millions of light years away. Well this may be the answer. Seems our earth is crying out and what a horrific noise it is.
Here’s the audio and explanation.

http://www.space.com/php/video/player.php?video_id=080627-earth-sounds&vm=r

Now, I wonder how long the earth has been making that noise. For those earth conscious do you wonder if its earth basically in pain for all the crap we humans do to it? Or for the more scientific minds is it simply a part of what the earth does just like spinning. Scientist don’t yet know why the earth makes this noise but they do know that if “others” are out their listening, they can sure hear it!

The Birds!

The Baltimore Ravens are thinking of training real ravens to fly around the stadium during their games. http://sports.yahoo.com/nfl/blog/shutdown_corner/post/Ravens-to-offer-fans-free-peck-your-eyes-out-s;_ylt=Aqxvnhg6FGa7t40l7w5gvYzZn414?urn=nfl,91061

Hmm *scratches head* Nothing about that sounds right at all!

First of all, I hate birds. They fly above you and think the world is their toilet. Who wants to have to worry about a bird dropping a “special gift” on their hot dog before they take a bite?

And ever since watching The Birds I am no fan of them, especially if they come in groups. That always seems ominous to me. Like something bad is about to happen any moment. What if they just go mad, perhaps at the Raven’s bad game, and start flying around insanely and attack people. Again, the threat of having your eye poked out does not make for a relaxing jolly good time. I’d take a pass on this one!

Now that’s taking a chance

Would you go, at a moments notice, to a public place for a date with a total stranger? I mean never seen them before or so much as heard their voice? Well that’s the theme for the ever growing service for single peeps called www.crazyblinddate.com.

You sign up, much like match or eharmony and the site contacts you with maybe thirty minutes notice to go meet Joe Random at said bar or coffee shop. You can log on to the site and see just what this Joe Random is all about but get this, they blur his/her picture. So I guess you have to hope that the “site people” stick to what you request and don’t set you up with someone outside of what you want. I wondered why they keep the picture hidden but realize that if you knew you had to meet a guy or girl at say Starbucks in thirty minutes and checked their picture out and were thouroughly displeased you might be tempted to just not show up which is waaaay rude. So this way you’re coming with an open mind and taking a chance on someone that you may never have winked at on match but is an actual great person who may not be so bad to know further or someone who may actually be just your type. You don’t know.

Still, what a roll of the dice? Not so sure I am confident enough in a strangers ability to arrange a blind date for me. I barely trust the taste of the people I know (who pretty much view the types of guys I’m attracted to as outside of what they would ever have guessed which is why they usually never get it right).

I suppose the first time around could be a fun experiment but after a while I could see this becoming as scary as walking into a dark haunted house- you just don’t know what scary creature is going to pop out at you calling your name!

Cellular Stalker or just that dedicated?

Okay so I met a guy several months ago. Went out on two dates with him but was just not into him for several reasons which I won’t go into this time around. In any event I kind of just let things die down in hopes that he would take the hint. Does this sound heartless? I have a general thought that the longer you know someone/ go out with someone the more respect you should give them if things don’t work out. So if you’ve been dating someone for two months but just don’t feel that it’s going anywhere then you should, out of courtesy, talk to them and let them know how you feel. But if you’ve only gone out with someone once or twice it might be okay to just stop calling. This happens a lot so this “philosophy” is not uniquely mine. People do this to each other, right or wrong, all the time. It’s happened to me, I’ve done it to others. The world goes round. The idea, I suppose is that you just aren’t close enough after one/two dates to expect anything from anyone.

This guy, in particular, I did not chat on the phone with and we went out twice in the span of a month. He mostly contacted me via text messages which I didn’t particularly care for as the major source of communication. Anywho, he would send texts daily. Nothing exciting- just “how are you” or “good morning”. I would respond. But after a while it became tedious as it was hard to walk around my building at work to find a signal to respond and after I lost interest the trouble didn’t seem worth it.

Eventually I stopped responding.

He still kept texting.

I still was not responding.

To this day I get a text from him once a week (as opposed to initially every day). It has been say 4 months since our last date and last conversation. Why is he still texting me? Seriously- any thoughts people?

As I’ve mentioned in past posts, I’ve gotten the people who have texted me like a year after I met them as if I should remember them. That’s weird in itself but this dedication to texting me is something totally different. The messages are pretty simple as stated earlier but the fact that he is still making the effort is perplexing. Why? Can he not know I’m not into him? I can’t help but find it a bit creepy now… Maybe this is a lesson to just tell someone you just aren’t that into them even after just one/two dates?

Too Picky?

Okay so I was listening to the radio on a pleasent yet mad early drive to work this morning. On one of my regular favorite stations the DJs have a weekly thing where they have a person get a chance to confront someone that did them wrong or something of the sort. Today a woman gets a chance to confront a guy who she went out on two dates with who suddenly disappeared. She explained that they had two great dates and then suddenly the guy disappeared. The dj's asked if she had "relations" with the guy and she said they fooled around but it didn't go that far and he didn't seem disappointed.

So they now include the guy and ask him about his version of the dates. He says she was nice but he tended to have a three strike rule - if he notices three things wrong with someone he doesn't continue to see them. I'm thinking okay, let's hear what she did.

Strike one- her bra and panties didn't match. Side note- question guys- do you really care if a woman's undies don't match- is that the ultimate goal? I didn't get it, neither did the DJ. Buy her a matching Vickies set a move on!

Strike two- her nails and toes weren't manicured. Okay if she was sporting talons on her feet and dirty fingers I can see the distain but this can be rectified easily. I wonder how bad they truly were.

Strike three- her teeth weren't white enough
Kay- if she had teeth the color of big bird that might be a bit disturbing but if they were ivory instead of snow white then I'm not with him there. I certainly find missing and/or gold/platinum teeth a strike in my book though.

Mind you the dj's instantly sided with the woman (who added that the guys teeth were capped so she could never get his artificial whitness without dentist intervention). The guy (35 years old) replied that he had a right to have standards and that women do, why not him.

But are women that pickey? And if the situation was in reverse the djs assured him they'd react the same way.

Just wondering if this guy is picker than most men or if that kind of superficial easily fixable stuff is really a deal breaker (I mean we aren't talking removing a hump on her back here).

Sex and (Baltimore) City?

I was inspired to write this by a blog I read on b the site
that asked what Sex and the City would look like if it were set in Baltimore (my current residency). Where would the characters live, play, eat and of course drink? For the most part the blogger’s suggested background was quite cleaver. But seriously can Baltimore be a real fifth character? It may have some similar neighborhoods and a store or two like New York but the comparison only adds to how slow the city is. However, it also shows how Baltimore has more going on than what The Wire might show you. Heck, we get so many movies filmed here because it’s a city that can mimic practically any city in this country and if it was a warzone producers surely wouldn’t be risking their actors to film here. See this site for list of movies made here- pretty impressive (Silence of the Lambs, Beauty Shop, Live Free or Die Hard just to name a few)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Filmed_in_Baltimore

Anywho, Baltimore is no New York and if Sex and the City were filmed here… well the series would be short lived. Don’t get me wrong, Baltimore is trying to step up (Step Up, another movie set and made here) but it’s not doing it fast enough.

The good that could provide a New York vibe:
1) Housing, it’s really coming up with some sharp looking condos and houses I must say. Although pricey it is in no way as expensive as New York! The gals could feel right at home in Bolton Hill/ Mt. Vernon, Federal Hill, or near the Inner Harbor. But uniquely we have comfy, quieter spots like Hampden, Charles Village or Canton and up and coming spots like Washington Village, Fells Point and Locust Point to consider.
2) The girl’s gay friends could find their scene in the artsy Mt. Vernon district.
3) Shopping is improving dramatically. So many boutiques in Canton, Fells, Federal and Mt. Vernon and even the Gallery Mall has improved (now put in a M.A.C. store, H&M and Sephora and I’ll love ya for life!) And the prices? Very NY cause I know I can’t afford them. But we do have quite a few awesome vintage spots (checked out Hampden lately?)!
4) Art lovers like Charlotte won’t get bored. If nothing, we are an artsy city, with some of the best spoken word to boot, I must say and festivals galore!
5) Pretty good dining scene. There is a great effort to put out new places to eat on a regular basis and I have to say, although it can be pricey, it’s worth a look around and try and the environments- very trendy.

The bad:

1) Our nightlife sucks to high heaven. The girls will only be drinking their cosmos in some very limited spots (Red Maple, Cosmo bar and Grill, Sky Lounge, Pazo). No clubs here really and no new hot spots that open every month like our dinning venues (hint, hint). We are a city heavy in bars with a side of lounges (at least there aren’t many cover charges). I suppose the girls could check out the hotel bar scene (there is the Belevedere). But beware we close so darn early here you gotta go out practically right after dinner (and an early one at that, hehe).
2) Everyone would end up dating the same people (Smalltimore that it is). With a very limited dating scene (Bigs, Aidans, hell Steve’s are hard to come by round these parts) the gals might get bored pretty quickly or else change up partners.


Okay, so maybe the girls won’t have such a bad time here. Provided there were a few more of the male sex here and a bit more exiting night life, I believe Baltimore could be a good fifth character in a Sex and the City life…I’m still moving though.

Love and the City

I am not in love with the city I live in. Provided I had the money I’d move to New York, Boston or LA, provided I loved the winter I’d move to Chicago, provided I looked like a model I’d move to Miami, provided I could stand those hair destroying rainy days I’d move to Seattle, provided I found a worthwhile job there I’d move to Philadelphia, provided it was diverse enough I’d move to Denver.

Needless to say I’m ready to go! But why you might ask?

I’m bored.

You’ve heard my rant in the Now What blog but more to the point I’ve reached a level with the city I live in where I am not curious by it. Nothing new. Sure a few new spots open up but it’s the same thing with a different name. Same people there. Same flavor. I’ve done all the museums, been to different clubs/bars/lounges, done sports, dance classes, 5ks, volunteered, checked out many a restaurant, shopped in the boutiques, been to spoken word, plays, checked out every type of festival in town, did outdoor movies and concerts, hosted parties/been to parties, been to wine tasting/ food tasting, themed events. I went to school, college and law school here.
In addition, darn near 80% of my friends are married so our interests are now limited.
I feel like Bill Murray in Ground hog Day at times.

But

Would I feel this way if I was in a relationship? At the very least does a relationship effect the way you see your life and its surroundings. I’m thinking yes. You can tolerate a lot more if there is someone you love refocusing the attention. I’ve seen people determined to leave their city suddenly shift when finding true love.

This is the stuff of movies, as my sister reminded me (for proof see In the Land of Women, Under the Tuscan Sun, The Holiday). People can move for a “change of heart”.
Your relationships with others effects your daily life no doubt.

In Sex and the City they never grew bored of the city because they had each other and active dating lives, not to mention it was in NY people, which is ever exciting. But in the final season when all her friends were in relationships, Carrie decided to pack up and leave with her beau to Paris, telling her friend Miranda that she needed to move on as her friends were doing.
I understand my feelings about this city and I’m not so sure that if I were in a committed relationship my feelings would change, I would simply just tolerate it. Or does a relationship equal change and ,therefore, things you took for granted in the city or experienced as a single person take on a whole new look when you are part of a couple?

I guess, ultimately, when you make a move, know that you are doing it for the right reasons (a new job, better environment) and not to find love or escape it. That wouldn’t bring true satisfaction nor would it provide a guaranteed resolution to your love problems. For me, I want to leave for a new experience (provided I have a job there of course). I’m a writer and for me new environments and experiences feed my creativity so it’s time to find a new city to fall in love with…wish me luck!

Pictures from www.ba-reps.com/artist/oakley/portfolio/2496

Are We Meant to DAte? (AKA- Is Dating Natural?)

My sister brought this thought up and I told her I would steal it for my blog so...

Okay, so you’ve got your dating books, dating experts, matchmakers, dating websites, dating events (i.e. speed dating) and the ever popular dating reality TV shows. All that to say: We need help to date.
So if we need sooo much help in the dating world, are we really fighting against what the “natural” way should be- your old school match making or arranged marriages? Do your parents or the wise older lady around the corner know what’s best for you? They sure seemed to in the days of Jane Austin (and obviously way before) and in certain customs this is just the way of life. In reality if humans have been living for thousands of years, then, in the span of things, dating is a relatively new area of life.

There isn’t, as far as I know and the people I know who are much more familiar with it, much of any mention of dating in the bible. No advice on what you should and shouldn’t do. No Commandments to break. Yes, I know, we didn’t have cars back in the day either but it doesn’t mean we weren’t meant to drive them but still you can’t help but think there’s something in this whole “dramas of dating” that keeps us perplexed at the whole situation.

Not to say that match making and arranged marriages don’t have their problems but I’m reluctant to say that independent dating has resulted in such great outcomes (what with the divorce rate so high). I’m simply wondering if the need for so much assistance in dating and the drama that comes with the dating territory is a result of our unsuccessful attempts at a process that we really don’t have any business being in.

Yes, we have free will and aren’t some primitive animal that simply finds a mate whose scent we like (at least I hope not) but a little old school help might have been a better method in terms of finding a suitable mate for marriage. You’re looking for good husband/wife material but a match maker may actually know what that entails precisely. We get caught up in physical chemistry but the match maker knows that won’t sustain us. And if two parties are willing to be hooked up by a match maker that’s already saying (hopefully) that those parties are serious at finding a sustaining relationship. The match maker knows both parties and what would be needed, so you’re coming to the table with the idea that if the match maker saw something in the other you should give this guy/girl a deeper look yourself.

Dating is simply cutting out the middle man (the match maker) but that middle man was important and on our own are we just lost in a dating storm? It seems, maybe, yes. But then again, I need a little middle ground here. I don’t care how fabulous the guy is, if you’re trying to match me up with Flava Flav (yes he seems to be my punching bag) then I’m not budging AT ALL!

I don’t know, it just seems lately that a lot of people are getting tired of the whole dating game and willing to let someone else (even if just a dating site) do their “dirty work” for a while. So it seems, in the fight between dating vs. match making, dating is taking one too many hits down for many of us.

Rules of Attraction: Is there a science to the whole dating/liking/loving thing?

My gut reaction is a certifiable Whitney Huston “Hell to the no”. Back in the day my answer would have been yes. But things have changed. Meaning I’ve experienced, seen and heard too much. To put feelings into a certain controled science might be a sure fire way to end up driving yourself crazy, driving someone else crazy and ultimately missing out. But maybe I'm wrong?

May I mention I also used to drive friends mad when I tried to formulate steps to dating. I believed that there were stages and certain things should occur at every stage.
See I’m a planner and a deep thinker. I’m also hella indecisive. Sorry, I’m a Libra ya’ll (as Wyclef would say), can’t help it!

Anywho, the first guy I ever seriously dated was the subject of my over analytical thinking and I ended up breaking up with him only to realize that he was a pretty good guy. There was nothing really wrong with him. I just thought certain things were supposed to happen, certain feelings were supposed to manifest themselves at certain stages. I had to humble myself to ask for us to get back together. Glad I did because he still ranks as one of the best guys I’ve ever dated (and my longest relationship).

But did I learn from that mistake? Nope, I continued to analyze things I had no business analyzing to death. However, I made sure not to make moves too quickly the next time around. Yet, I still equated the “right guy for me” as the one who made my “heart skip a beat every time we meet”, who I fantasized about, who seemed to have all the same interest as me, who would appease my parents and friends, who made me want to call them every single day (note: I’m no phone addict), who "looked" like someone I'd date etc. Please don’t get me wrong. There is no doubt that some of this is good to have, some down right necessary but not all of it. But if it doesn't All happen does the math/science fall apart? Would you base your emotions on whether all those things happened (ie: "this happened and this happened therefore I must be in love") What if those things didn't all happen and you still liked that person (and the person was no derilect or abuser) would you dump them anway (ie. "although this happened and this happened, this did not occurr therefore, I must not be in love and what I'm feeling is simply acid reflux", I don't know).

The next question, dear readers, is do you believe that there is a time when things should happen? Should you instantly be feeling the “I really really like him/her” jitters after the first 1-3 dates? When should you feel totally at ease with someone? 2 months?
When should you consider becoming exclusive? 3 months?
When should you profess your love for them? 6 months?

I used to think so. But all it takes is one person. Someone you meet after one date and begin to think about what your wedding would look like. Or someone you’ve known for a year, maybe off and on ,who one day, as in an epiphany, you realize is “the one” and all those love bugs come attacking you at once. They break all the rules and laws and you question whether that means you should run or ride the crazy train out with them.
My parents married after six months of dating and they were together for 20 years.
I’ve known people who dated for years and then get married. There is no time, no schedule, it just is.

Perhaps love is more like magic than a science. It is unpredictable, drives you crazy and can overwhelm you.
It’s uncontrolled and perhaps that’s the most disturbing piece about it all to those analytical people like me. It is the one area of your life where you can’t make things happen. And even more, it is the one area of your life that can truly be inconsistent.
In math, 1 +1 will pretty much always equal 2. If you follow the logic of math you will always reach one answer.

But in love one method can generate several answers and several equations can have the same outcome (I guess in certain forms of math this is possible) and if you stick to only one “equation” you might be missing out on more, ultimately, fulfilling opportunities.

I’m all for taking opportunities. Sometimes they don’t pan out but boy have I learned some great lessons about myself and people in general. I am now fully able (at least I think so) to determine the difference between what I want and what I need (you know the whole 20-80% notion, see early post on that) and what the hell needs to stay 100 yards or more from me.
I know that the guy who shares my joy of Neo Soul music isn't necessarily the guy I'm meant to commit to.
And that it may not be true that the guy who I accompany to baseball games even though I'm no fan isn't the one for me simply because we like different things.
It’s like that.
It is what it is.

But who am I to say? Just thinking out loud. Thoughts?

Don’t Bring Up the Past but You’ll be Doomed to Repeat It.

Okay in relationships, some of my friends are anti discussing the past relationships of the guys/girls they are seeing. They don’t want to know about how Cynthia broke your heart or how Melanie nagged you to death or how James had too much baggage. I haven’t ventured further with them to discuss whether this is something they would like to get into later on in the relationship, if its off topic for good or just simply not a first few dates subject of choice.

Maybe I’m doing myself a disservice here but I like to know about a guy’s past relationships early on. Yes, we shouldn’t be judged by our past and while knowing that he let things fall through the cracks with his ex Tess may color how I perceive him now, I’m not so quick to jump ship, I like to give the guy a chance to show he’s different. It’s just nice to know what I may (or may not) be working with. Perhaps it keeps me on guard, for better or worse.
But does this get in to murky waters? Does knowing someone’s past early on doom them from the start?

Do you want to know if the guy (or girl) you are seeing recently broke up with someone he’d been seeing for years and why they ended? Would this effect how much potential you see in anything happening with them (who wants to be the rebound)?

Do you want to know why a person is single? Is that a reasonable question?
Women have it hard in the dating scene and it is becoming more and more common for a woman to be 35 and still single. Will she need to explain herself (“it’s hard out there for a successful woman, or I was engaged, or black women have it tougher” etc).
If the idea is that women have it rough, are we less tolerant of older mean (say, 35 and up) who are still single?
Is the assumption that the world is their oyster so if they are still single it is really because they have this bachelor for life mentality or some other negative relationship connotation?

Is it concerning if someone has a lot of past relationships or hardly any at all? What assumptions do you make from that? That a “serial monogamer” has commitment phobia? Or that the serial dater is not relationship material? Maybe it’s simply that they’ve made bad selections in the dating/relationship partner world. Haven’t won that lottery in love bit?
Will you think positive before negative?

I guess the idea is that we all want to give people the benefit of the doubt but we don’t want to play the fool either. Time is precious. But should we get into someone’s past relationships early on? Like a job or getting a loan where the employer/bank looks into your work history/credit history before they consider/approve you, should this be done in the dating arena? Is it really the same? We learn from our mistakes (even in the working world- No you will not tell your boss where he can shove it again, and nope that Jimmy Choo shopping spree was not worth your now current bad credit) but jobs and banks don’t automatically see that and you may lose out without a defined showing of improvement. Same goes for a relationships.

Yes, you’ve been single since the original cast of the Mickey Mouse show but that doesn’t mean you don’t know how to carry a successful relationship.
And yes, your last few relationships failed because you were too jealous or never took her anywhere but you’re changing now, right?

But on the flip side, if a guy or girl is willing to offer this information early on will you turn a deaf ear to it? I mean, it’s “free” insight? Just as long as you try to see the bigger picture, couldn’t it only be helpful? Knowledge is power, right?

Also, are you willing to share your past just as much (because who wants another to know that much about you so soon?) Is divulging information about past relationships like opening up your flaws to the person?
Something to think about…

Random things some men do that bug me

I was inspired by The Girl From Park Heights to write this from her post "Some Men are so Damn Oblivious".

Okay, please don’t think me stuck up or a b*&%# but sometimes I can't help but get annoyed when a guy:

1) Knows my full name without me ever giving it to them. See I’m hardly a celebrity so please don’t be upset when it bothers me when you know my FULL NAME and yet I’ve never seen you before! Case in point- a certain security guard recently told me good night using my full name, including the Ms. and all, the other day when I was leaving the office. I respond back politely, then in a panic, I look at him, not knowing the face, I ask “ how do you know my name?” he responds “I saw it this morning when I checked your badge for you to enter the premises.” I nod and leave, a little uneasy. This has happened to me before. There must be at least a thousand people in this building yet you remembered mine! I am not comforted by this at all! (I'll admit this may be because I'm just not that into the guy but still.. )

2) Call me or stop by my domicile without me ever giving you my number or address to place of residency! This has happened to me several times. How'd you get this info buddy? I find it very unsettling. There are surprise visits and then there's stalking...

3) Men with girlfriends/wives/or any significant other- leave me be! Unless we work together, were the best of friends before your marriage, are on the same sports team or some kind of group activity please don’t bother me. I am uncomfortable with you calling me, especially if I never gave you my number, asking me how things are. You are not one of my girlfriends, I don’t watch sports- so what is the purpose of your call? I'm confused. I’d like to avoid any implications of drama at all costs!

4) Which leads me to guys I used to date who contact me out of the blue. Here’s a tip-Don’t. If we haven’t talked since EnVoge was the best darn girl group out there then there’s a valid reason for that. Unless you’ve changed (and I’m not just talking clothing styles) why are you bugging me? And let me tell you people- that is never the case. So if you were an ass in 2001 and are still one now- guess what, my tolerance level hasn’t changed- still don’t wanna talk to you! Respect me enough to know that I deserve better than the jerk you were then and are now.

5) Tell me to smile and no picture taking is involved. Okay- leave me alone! You don’t know what is going on in my life as I walk down the street or hallway. I could have just lost my pet yet it’s all about you and I have to smile everywhere I go like the Chestire cat from Alice in Wonderland. No one is owed a smile. Yes, a smile draws people to you and if I’m in an environment where I want that attention then I’ll smile all day long (should I not be upset about that lost of my pet). But if I’m blue or somewhere I don’t want to be and don’t want to be bugged, acosted or assulted, I’m “mean mugging” till the break of dawn just to make sure I’m not bothered by some crazy fool.

6) When you ask me for my number and I tell you that I have a boyfriend/husband you keep pushing me. Here’s the deal if I were interested I would give you my number. If I was the type to cheat, which I’m not, I would say yes I have a man but here’s my number anyway. The fact that I’ve made a statement such as “I am married” to turn you down should be enough to keep you going. Please don’t make me state that I’m just not interested. I was trying to spare your feelings!

Okay, enough venting. I feel better now!

Chemistry vs. Practicality

So I've talked to several friends who are in relationships and I've thought back to my own past experiences and asked my friends and self- does instant chemistry predict a relationship? Meaning, if you meet a guy (or gal) and you hit it off majorly, does that mean he/she is something to investigate in the love department? And in the alternative, you meet someone and you have a date and they were nice and it was...okay. Nothing wrong, but no instant connection but, you know, maybe it can happen with time. You can't predict love but how long do you hold out in the hopes of a connection?
I mean if you look forward to texting, emailing, calling, iming and hanging out with someone you kind of have the hope that it could go somewhere. However, what if that seemed like work? What if you never caught yourself thinking about that person, although you had a nice enough time hanging with them, you just aren't that into them. There is nothing wrong with them, for all practical purposes they'd be a good person to build a relationship with but... it's been almost two months and your heart isn't skipping a beat just yet. Should you give up? Give it time? No one wants to throw away a good thing.
I've had friends who've said the guys they instantly connected with have done them dirty, and I've been there as well. But some of my friends who are seeing guys now said there wasn't that instant connection and for some even strong doubt that they weren't someone they wanted to continue going out with yet they now would seriously consider marrying the guys they are seeing at some point in the future.
Makes me also wonder- do women, in general, have more patience for that lack of initial chemistry than men? Is that why you see more women with guys you'd never think they'd get with? Would a man wait it out? Something in me says no. Simply put- are men more into chemsitry and women more in to practicality?

Valentine's Day!!!! Yea Me!

Yes, I am single and no other day shows you the negative side of that more than Valentine ’s Day. But I won’t sit here and bash V-day saying how it’s pointless and over hyped (hey, your significant other should celebrate your love everyday, right) because in all honestly, if I got a Valentine’s gift from someone I liked I’d be excited. So instead of hating I’ll take this time to turn the negatives of being single and going through endless dating to positives in honor of V-day:

1) The “great” guy or girl you met who “disappears” and you never hear from them again. Instead of saying “(s)he’s just not that in to you” I prefer to think he’s dead. The circumstance is tragic and yet there is nothing you could have done differently. Death happens to the best of us. You’re still fabulous. But it’s sad, so sad, what with them dying and all.

2)The bad date. So the guy/girl didn’t win the genetic lottery or he did but he has the personality of a mosquito. Hey, at least you got to step out and get some much need fresh air and hey, practice makes perfect.

3)He/She comes with more baggage than Britney Spears, Michael Jackson and OJ Simpson combined. Yes, run, don’t walk away. But think of this, God only gives you as much as you can handle. So when you meet Mr./Ms. Right and you find they have explosive diarrhea, it’s not a deal breaker because you’ve been around much worse.

4)They can’t speak proper English or have no clue of how to act in an adult relationship. Take it upon yourself to teach them but don’t get involved. Maybe they’ll make a movie from your story of helping the dating down trodden. (Don’t) Lean on Me? Freedom (Daters)? Dangerous (Dating) Minds? I'm just saying...

5) No special someone to give you gifts on holidays or perhaps they “disappear” around those times (only to reappear later). Don’t sweat it. You’re saving money (especially you guys). You can put that birthday/Valentines/Christmas gift money towards paying for a house, going on vacation, buying those shoes you wanted. And if they reappear… each one teach one, get them the same thing they got you- nothing! Susan Orman would be proud of the money you’re saving!

6)He only wants you as a bootie call and/or touches you inappropriately before those boundaries should be crossed. Don’t get angry. Every event is an opportunity. When he comes over take this time to practice your kickboxing skills and give him a high kick to the head! If he doesn’t learn his lesson or is (surprisingly) angry, practice some more. Again, practice makes perfect! Watch out Billy Blanks.

7)Single party of one! So you have to do some things alone. That makes you independent and most people find that attractive. No one is really looking for someone to replace their shadow so having the ability to do things separate from your future partner would probably lead to a lasting relationship. And in all honesty there are a lot of things I want to do alone, read (I don’t care what people say, reading a book/magazine together, taking turns reading out loud, sounds fantastically ridiculous to me) go shopping, use the bathroom…

8)Everyone around you is hooked up…and then there’s you. Don’t be sad. You’re unique! You’re special and don’t blend into the crowd cause you’re your own person. And if anyone looks at you with pity well look to number 6 and practice that kickboxing!

9)Blind dates. Hey, you’re a risk taker and that’s good. And it’ll help you build that poker face which can help in games and in negotiations. You’ve mastered the ability to hide your horror in the fact that the blind date across from you looks less like Terrance Howard and more like Flava Flav. That's talent!

10)Constant dating of different people that goes no where. You feel you’ve said the same thing at every date to Jessica, Mary, Tanya or Billy, Kareem, Jason. “I work at such and such, I’m a Cancer, my favorite color is blue, I want to visit Italy someday, I want 2.5 kids” rinse and repeat. You really should just record it on tape, bring it on the date, press play and concentrate on your food. But don’t get weary. These repeat conversations are good for your memory. Hey, maybe you could take that new memory skill and go into acting! Or mix up your conversations and learn the power of word play. Again, great for the mind and writing which can only help your career!

Okay, I’m done. To all you single peeps out there happy Valentine’s day and hey it could be worse you could be dead like those people who “disappeared” in number one which would totally suck...