So I was going to ignore the impending day and talk about other things like Presidents Day (for instance, although few know that Lincoln was indeed a racist who did not end slavery everywhere and certainly not because he was a humanitarian I still thank him for having Monday off and all the great sales), I decided to forgo it and acknowledge the day we all love to hate: Valentine's Day.
This year I do have dates but I still, as a single gal, reserve the right to express some cynical commentary on random things dealing with that day and dating period.
1) Why is it so hard to find a Valentine's Day card for someone you aren't related to, isn't your best friend or your significant other. If you're going out with someone you've only been da
ting for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?
ting for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?2) I usually hate going out on VDay with someone I'm not sure I want to pursue romantically. I don't want to lead them in the wrong direction if in fact I'm not into them. Some people feel pressure to find Vday dates like they do New Years Eve dates. I don't. VDay is made to be spent with those you love. Be it your husband/wife, kids or girlfriends (don't think guys would hang like that, but maybe). If I don't love you or had time to establish a strong like- lets hang out February 15th.
3) If someone ask you out for VDay and they aren't someone you're dating/seeing, do you go Dutch? Or because they invited you do they pay? Do you give a gift or card? It seem presumptous to go empty handed.
4)In dating, at what number should the woman offer to contribute? At what number date should she offer to pay the whole thing? I watched Oprah once
and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points.
and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points. 5) I just came from watching He's Just Not That Into You which I really liked but still see as a romantic fairy tale. They made a good point in the begining. We're taught as little girls that a guy a likes you if he's mean to you (ie. pulls your pig tale). That resonates with us through adult hood and a lot of us have a hard time getting the hint that if a guy does us wrong or disappers its not necessarily simply because he's intimidated in some manner but really that he's just not into us.
6) If opposites attract is it better not to date someone who is essentially a female or male version of yourself? If you're basically just alike will that lead to boredom?
7) Why is it that some events charge more for being single than a couple. For instance an event might be $20 per person and $15 per couple. How is that fair? It's as if they are penalizing you for being single!
8) Dating gurus say now it's wrong to ask a guy, as part of the first few questions, what they do for a living. I've always made a practice of not asking but them sometimes I forget to ask and I do think what someone does for a living is a big part of who they are. If they are an ER doc that's important to know because they won't have much free time.
9) If you don't have immediate chemistry with someone on the first date? Do you date them again to see if it will come? If so, how many more dates?
10) Why is it that when "friends" you haven't heard from in years get married they invite you to the wedding but w
hen they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings.
hen they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings. Ahh, the commercialism of love is in the air! Happy Valentine's Day
4 comments:
On the one hand I think Vday is a stupid "holiday" coz it focuses on one type of love. However, I do think its nice to do something romantic with your signficiant other if you have one. Regardless this post on Gawker seriously had me LMAO!
http://gawker.com/5152420/things-to-do-on-valentines-day-when-youre-lonely-and-miserable
Happy Vday!
LMAO!!
A lot of questions.
If you dont want to give the wrong impression to a dude, go out only during the day with him and always split the bill.
u tripping lol. i had a woman did stuff all the time, except for v day and she would trip. forgot the last minute trips to the islands, of the spacertificates or the dinners all the time - so i told her to jet. now she calles still lame
1) Hah! I noticed this, too. For some reason, I often end up starting new relationships in the winter, and a card that reads, "To the Man I Love More and More Each Day" is just not appropriate!
3) I've never had a first date on V-Day, but I would assume that we weren't supposed to exchange cards/gifts.
4) Well, I do it a little differently. I always go dutch on the first date because we don't know each other's intentions yet. If I don't like him that way, I don't want to give him any ideas by encouraging him to pay, and I also think it would be a little unfair for me to expect a free meal out of someone I never wanted to see again. If I do like him, I probably don't know if he likes me yet, so again, I feel like it would be unfair to ask him to pay. By the second or third date, if it's clear that we're both into it, then I let him pay.
6) Opposites may attract at first, but research shows that people who are more alike tend to stay together. That doesn't mean you need to seek out your clone, but common values, interests, and lifestyles help. I find this to be the case in my relationships, as well.
7)That's a good example of what some people are calling "singlism"! Gah! I hate that! It pops up in income tax rates, car insurance premiums, gym memberships, car rentals...Singles always pay more and wind up subsidizing everybody else!
8) I've never heard that that's bad etiquette. I would feel free to ask. I know they ask me!
9) Generally I find that if it's not there right away, it's never going to be there, but I know others have had different experiences. If he's a great guy in every other way, I go out with him a few more times to make sure.
10)YES! I think they're mostly in it for the gifts. But I don't totally blame them because they've probably been shelling out for expensive gifts for other people for years. Besides, weddings can cost as much as a down payment on a house these days. It seems only right that guests would at least cover their own dinners. If you don't want to give a gift, I'd say don't go.
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