I'm Not Afraid of Lions and Tigers and Bears

Loving the new Jazmine Sullivan single and it kind of broke me out of my bloggers block to write this post.

So I’ve been on a couple of dates with this guy and things are going well. Very well and naturally this draws my suspicion. See being the dating connoisseur that I am (*she says with thick sarcasm laced in her voice*) I believe that it is important to learn from ones past mistakes or else be doomed to repeat them. However, while it is important not to walk into anything full of naivete you also don’t want to have your guard up so high it scares the other person off.

So take this example. A guy brings you flowers just because. You’re still newly dating. There is no holiday or birthday. A naive girl, who does not take note of past experience or other’s warnings, may think “Oh this guy is great. I never got flowers from a guy for no reason before. He must really like me and only mean well. Perhaps he’s the one!.” A pessimistic fully guarded girl might think. “What’s his angle? Does he think he can buy me some flowers and I’m supposed to fall over him into bed?” . Somewhere in the middle might be, “Oh, how nice, that was thoughtful of him. The end.”

I, the ever indecisive and admittedly slightly gullible at times Libra, have a hard time balancing this. I’ve been through so many negative dating experiences that I seem jaded. Obviously that is not a good thing and I am constantly on guard about it. I try my best, on the outside to go with the flow. Yet with friends and in my inner thoughts, I combat the pessimism. Therefore, when I go out on dates and things go well, I can’t help but be guarded and wait for the ball to drop.

Friends say enjoy it while it last but dating is like being on American Idol with me. You’re doing well, make it through a couple weeks and then you get voted off and all the fame/commercials/make up and hair go away as quickly as it came. Dating can be the same way. You meet someone, things are great and then something happens or they meet someone else and everything goes away. Any plans you thought you would have disappear. And like the American Idol contestants, they know that their shot could go in a blink of an eye without any reason and they are kicked back into obscurity. This of course slightly darkens their time on the show because there is always that constant nudge of worry that this week could be the last week.

I’ve come to view dating this way. Especially when things are going well. I know that this is not a great way to think because it will come out in the dating “relationship” in some negative way. For instance, you invite said interest somewhere and they say they can’t go. The “American Idol” thinker might think “oh he has another date with someone else/is really married/doesn’t really like me or want to keep seeing me, therefore I need to pull away and protect myself.”

Friends say “throw your baggage out the window, girl.” But I can’t help but say, “Can I at least keep my purse?”

Sigh.