Is Black Still Beautiful?

I’ve posted about Black women before but after a rather “interesting” discussion with a white male friend of mine I have some more thoughts. Disclaimer for some of my friends thoughts: he got a nice intellectual tongue lashing from my roommate and myself.

My discussion with my friend began when we discussed women’s figures. He happens to like thin women (like size 6 type women). He doesn’t understand why other races, particularly black men find larger and/or more curvaceous women appealing. He further wonders what all the appeal is with black men dating white women. He says they are just as crazy as other women. And he says it can’t be the figures because he constantly sees black men with “out of shape” white women.

We ponder why we don’t see more (although it is growing) black women/white men couplings. Although a good number of my black female friends and family members have married or are seriously dating white men, I do know that a large percentage of black women (ok I don’t know for sure) still aren’t into the idea.

He stated, with a disclaimer to me but we were being honest, that he doesn’t believe many white men are attracted to black women (I have heard just the opposite from my other white male peers so I don't hold his word as the be all end all). He discussed the whole black women with attitude perception, which to a degree he understood, given the circumstances one might be in (for instance, he fully believed that it was expected in the black community for black men to cheat, at least according to all his black male friends- I demanded to know their names!). His main issue was that our group tends to run on the larger size. He states when you usually see a white man with a black woman, the black woman is usually very attractive and toned or ten times better looking than the guy.

I tried not to be offended by his comments about us running on the larger size, mainly because, heck it’s true. For better or for worse, we have a higher percentage of thick women in our culture than white women or Asian women. And even in our smaller sizes, we're curvier, which is alright by me. There are a slew of reasons for this which I won’t get into but in any event, he said he found it unappealing. In addition to that many of the women in our fair city don’t hide their weight but flaunt it. Muffin top, camel toe and all. I told him there were many gorgeous women in Baltimore . And it’s true but if you are in the city, the type of woman that is most common is a bit curvier and a little more “round the way” in how she carries herself.

So I wonder: What image do we as African American women present to the world, superficially? It seems that we can have all the Tyra Banks, Gabrielle Unions, Jada Pinkett-Smiths and Joy Bryant’s that we want, all it takes is one Sheneenee with roller's in her hair, missing front tooth and belly hanging out that the news keeps showing over and over again. And the media loves to find that image. If they are thin- they are a b*&^%, if they are overweight then they are good motherly/sage types. If they happen to be thin AND nice then they are (or become) very European in image (Beyonce).

I would love for others (inside and outside our race) to see us as beautiful like we see ourselves without conforming but I’d also like for us to dignify ourselves with a more sophisticated image. As a collective we may never be a skinny people (this simply could be because the people we were descended from in West Africa were not of that rail thin physique- but that doesn’t mean a free for all pass to obesity either), our hair may continue to grow out instead of down and we can’t nor should want to all be fair skin. There is a line, albeit blurry, between not conforming to Westernized standards of beauty and still presenting an attractive image. The question is- are enough of us doing that or is society doing too much negative generalizing?