Random Things

Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've been getting back into my fictional writing trying to get it published worthy.

Get me for my paper

If the US Post Office stops delivering mail on Saturdays they could save 3 billion dollars a year. I’m all for saving money especially on that scale. I don’t think I’d be too broken hearted if I had to wait till Monday. Now if we could get them to stop delivering junk mail and unsolicited mail that would be wonderful- wonder how much money that would save.

The Popos put you on blast

In some state (forgot where) prostitution is a big problem so the police are considering sending letters home to the wives of men who are caught with a prostitution. Now obviously this is controversial. Some men feel that is an invasion of privacy but women would want to know if for nothing else, health concerns. Here’s how I see it. Should a man be hiding from his wife that he is going to court on a solicitation of prostitution charge? How can you hide that from your wife anyway? And you’re a jerk if you try to hide it. Now some men feel this is a whole guilty until proven innocent (I mean they could have simply been giving a poor prostitute a ride home and nothing more). Well fine, explain that to the wife and leave it to her to believe you or not. I’m sorry, but I’d like to know if my husband has been arrested. I’m not for keeping secrets in a marriage especially ones of those caliber. And seeing that technically adultery is still illegal (although no one brings it to court anymore) that’s not necessarily the husbands right to keep it quiet. If he was arrested for murder or some other heinous crime that wouldn’t be kept quiet so why should this? I’m just saying…

Too Bootilious for you baby

So a friend stated that bigger (and in his mind big is size 6/8 and up) black women could not attract really good looking white men because they (white men) don’t like that size. Now seeing as most black women are that size and up he basically states that most white men who are attractive wouldn’t like black women. I told him he was wrong and gave examples, he didn’t believe me and wanted to challenge me saying that those men only wanted to sleep with black women but weren’t interested in seriously dating them or marrying them. I stopped arguing, feeling the whole thing was not only offensive but futile and labeled him an ass.S ince I had given up being annoyed at people for lent lets just say I fell off the wagon. Some people deserve to be beat in the head severely with a verbal assult.

Tough Love: Girl does not meet boy

I was watching this show with a guy friend of mine and this beautiful woman in her mid thirties stated that she had never been in a serious relationship and he did not get how that could happen. I told him it was a lot easier than he thought. I know a good amount of women in their thirties who haven’t dated in almost a decade. Now I’ve been single for an ion but I can at least say I have had the fortune (or some times misfortune) to consistently date but I get how a woman, even one that looks like Halle Berry with a Michele Obama intelligence and a Oprah personality, can be single for a long long time. So I ask you:

Where the men at?

If you are in a situation where you don’t work, live or worship around eligible men, you’re kind of in a rut. Outside of school, we rarely are in situations on a consistent basis where we are around eligible bachelors. You are kind of limited on possibilities except for rare fluke encounters at the store or gym.

So, I gotta ask, where does a single gal go? The idea of doing something just to meet a man doesn’t sit well with me but I understand that you have to put yourself in places to be seen as well. Which leads me to my new favorite reality show: Tough love. Which is basically a dating boot camp headed by this male match maker. Eight beautiful women, ranging from 21 to 38 are given dating overhauls to try to find what they are doing wrong. Maybe it's not that men aren't out there, maybe they are putting off a vibe that runs the good ones away. For some it's obvious: there's the cold one, the one who constantly talks about marriage, the one who wants to be save a dude, the partier, the gold digger. But there were some women I could relate to, particularly the woman who had a fairy tale idea of what she wanted and the woman who put up a cold facade. Nothing like seeing a characteristic you can relate to on another person to make you take a second look at yourself.

The show is by the creators of He's Just Not That Into You and I think I'll follow it to see if it's actually possible that I might learn something too. Though I'm not ruling out the idea that Baltimore is limited in eligible singles, I know that I can't change my surroundings so maybe by reevaluating what I can change (myself) maybe I might start attracting the the type of men I really want to date. We'll see.

I don't have to do anything but stay black and die

And if you've seen Lean on Me you remember that quote from Joe Clark (aka Morgan Freeman) when he was arrested.

This saying came recently to my head when my sister expressed the problem of being invited to a friend's baby shower although she didn't want to go. This friend wasn't someone she was particularly close to, hadn't hung out with them for a while and she was tight on cash.

I too had been invited to this baby shower and had not hung out with this "friend" or even talked to this person in about two years. So what was my answer when she approached me with this problem? See the title.

Life is too short to do things you don't want to do, unless of course there is a greater good or goal to be reached.

This wasn't that situation so I told her don't do it.

I'm know I'm not an old lady whose lived her life and can pretty much tell people to "sit and spin" with wild abandon but as I get older I think I earn a little right along the way to say "hell to the no" to a few things that come my way. And going to certain social functions so someone I'm not that close to won't be mad at me is one of them.

There are a lot of people I don't owe crap too and some of these people I choose to give to anyway, perhaps because they need it. Giving to others is supposed to make you feel good. If it doesn't then don't do it or think carefully before you do.

If you keep giving of your time, money and energy to ungrateful, rude, selfish people you'll only end up full of resentment and anger. Why go there?

I used to go to birthday parties of people who never came to mine. So in essence I was spending all this money on birthday gifts and never got it cosmically returned (although that's not what giving is all about) but still I felt bad. I went to their parties to be nice but they didn't go to mine. They didn't care about my feelings- they were probably feeling the title here. So I decided to save my money and do the same.

Is that mean?

I think life is too short to go broke caring.

CC's Favorite Things

I'm no Oprah and I sure as heck am not giving anything away but I’ll put my two cents in anyway and if you have some favorite things you've encountered spread the word!

Open toed booties- I'm obsessed. It's such a rocker-sexy look. I got a cute pair and really want it to get warmer so I can sport them in comfort!

Curly Hair products – Kinky Curly, Miss Jessies, Mixed Chicks. My hair is curly and these products do it right. I'm trying to grow my curls and need loads of moisturizer for unrelaxed hair. I was put on notice about these products via magazines and celebrity endorsements. My formula I just found is Mixed Chick leave in conditioner (although any good leave in conditioner treatment for thick hair would probably work nicely), Kinky Curly custard, and to keep the curl fresh the next day, Miss Jessies Curly Buttercreme.

Rimmel Lycra Wear 10+ mineral nail polish- cheap nail polish (like $1.99) and it really does last 10 days with no touch ups! I put it on my toes and it didn't need a base or top coat! If you can't get to the salon or want to save money this is a good option.

Murad Acne Spot Treatment - helps dry up a pimple in no time flat! I believe it's the drying sulphur ingredient. You can find it at Sephora.

Mineral Make up- helps give a more perfect coverage and last a long time without going bad due to the types of ingredients used. I've bought one mineral foundation over a year ago and am still using it. Now you can find mineral makeup in almost every cosmetic line. I like Bare essentials on the higher end and maybeline on the lower end.

MAC/ Loreal Hip Eyeshadow- on brown skin, high pigment eyeshadow looks lovely and these brands are the best.

Hulu- I catch up on shows I missed or forgot to DVR here. Takes a little longer before they upload it to the site but it's still a good resource.

Netflix/Blockbusters- I've got no premium movie channels so getting a new dvd per week (for only 9 bucks a month, more dvds a week cost more) is a great deal in lieu of HBO etc. especially when renting one movie is like 4 bucks from the video store and if you're lazy you don't have to go to a redbox (although they too are awesome at only a dollar or two a movie)

Leather jackets- The short motorcycle inspired ones are always so cool looking. I don't eat red meat but I'll wear the heck out of cow (I mean waste not want not right?)

Nine west jeans- the only jeans so far that I have found that fit my hour glass figure well.

Pencil straight skirts and dresses- they just look so sexy with heels

Half ebay- get it (whatever your "it" is) for cheap

Imdb- for a movie/tv fan this is your mecca!

Wikipedia- for a lazy researcher this is a great go to guide, sometimes I read the plot about a book or movie I'm on the fence about getting

100 calorie molten cakes- so yummy yet so not high in calories

Vietnames food at Baltimore pho- this place was so good and the dessert was delish, if you live in Bmore come there

The pizza at Greek Village Carry Out- sometimes local spots are so good, if you live in Baltimore County, check it out, it's in the Milford Mill area.

Low top Chuck Taylor tennis- I just think they are and always will be a cool look

New York boutiques near Soho/Canal Street- get some cute stuff for low prices! I have yet to find boutiques in Baltimore that sell at discount prices (like Forever 21) that aren't cheap looking. It's either high end or cheap- no in between.

Ruffles (tops and dresses)- just cute and sexy paired with the pencil skirt look

Skinny (stretch) jeans that tuck in boots- best thing to ever come in style. So comfortable, like wearing structured tights so they are forgiving.

Snow balls with marshmallow topping- Maybe it's a Baltimore thing (haven't found snowballs in other towns) but it is so good- come on summer!

Flax seed- not only good for the heart and hair but helps get your tummy down

Tops from Mango- they are just such great "date night" tops, so cute! I was first put on to them a decade ago when I studied abroad in Barcelona and a few years back was excited to find they had expanded to the States. The closest one to me is in the Northern VA malls so I really need for them to add one in Maryland!

Tom Tom- When I'm lost lost, tom tom helps me!

White or “nude” color eyeliner at the bottom eyelid- they have made my eyes pop which helps when you plan to dance the night away and want to avoid that blood shot eye been ran over look one can get by the end of the night

African Pride highlights kit- the hair actually becomes the color the box shows that it will. no guessing games here!

So any favorites that you have?

Giving up Annoyance for Lent

So I attended a training yesterday and although I’m not quite sure if it was truly helpful in reaching the goal it was meant to achieve, I did take one thing from it. The speaker talked about how we all have favorite colors or foods or movies or places. He challenged us into wondering what favorite emotion we have. And by that he meant, what emotion do we tend to fall into (subconsciously really) the most. He admitted that in the past his favorite emotion was anger. He didn’t realize it until someone pointed out to him that he was always angry and wondered what he would choose to be angry about that day. That made him stop and think and try to change the way he did things.

This got me to wondering- what emotion do I tend to find myself constantly in? Ideally we all want to fall into the emotion of happiness but for many of us that is a goal not a reality. There are few happy go lucky people out there.

I know that my “go to” emotion is annoyance. I am VERY easily annoyed by people, pets, TV shows, weather, work, food. You name it. Obviously this is not a very good state of existence. The reality is, if you have a “favorite” emotion, nine times out of ten you will feel it. Meaning, if it is your thing to be angry at stuff you will find yourself, well, angry at stuff. So for me, annoying things happen to me because I am easily annoyed. If I make the chose to look at those things differently, will they be annoying? Will I be encouraged to react differently? As a result will different outcomes occur?

This sounds a bit like “The Secret” but it really makes sense. Like does attract like.
You date losers because you put out the energy that losers are all you date (even if you say it angrily you are affirming it). If you are annoyed with your weight you will continue to be annoyed with it (ie, not lose weight). The idea is that if you look at yourself, life, others in a different manner they will begin to emulate the positive outlook you are now giving them.

I don’t know about the reality of this but I figure it can’t hurt. So, even though I am not Catholic, I am giving up annoyance for lent. Starting today and ending April 11th, I will try to view things in a more positive manner. I have already been tested twice today. One by a coworker who I find annoying in every conceivable way. She already did something that would annoy me today but I tried to catch myself and smile instead. I felt my blood pressure lowering. Then I had a meeting with my boss about my performance. I wanted an exceptional in a certain area and she gave me a fully successful. When I asked her why, her reasoning did not help me at all and I was all set to get annoyed when I stopped to think about what she was saying. In the government, directors only get so much money for awards and she was pretty limited so she couldn’t give exceptional in everything. She just didn’t have the funds but she said she thought I was doing a great job and thought the ratings she gave me showed I knew and did my job well, plus I would still get a monetary award for a fully sucessful. I chose to focus on that and again, feel a lot better than I did when I first saw the ratings. I am also going to take the time to really decipher what she was telling me so that I can look at improving as just an opportunity and not a message that I’ve been doing wrong. No one is perfect and we always need something to aspire to in order to keep us going and interested.

It’s a struggle but I think I’m going to give it a go.

Dating in the '09: A Valentine's Day Rant and Ramble

So I was going to ignore the impending day and talk about other things like Presidents Day (for instance, although few know that Lincoln was indeed a racist who did not end slavery everywhere and certainly not because he was a humanitarian I still thank him for having Monday off and all the great sales), I decided to forgo it and acknowledge the day we all love to hate: Valentine's Day.

This year I do have dates but I still, as a single gal, reserve the right to express some cynical commentary on random things dealing with that day and dating period.

1) Why is it so hard to find a Valentine's Day card for someone you aren't related to, isn't your best friend or your significant other. If you're going out with someone you've only been dating for a few weeks you don't want to give them a card that says "you mean so much to me". Is it the holiday promoters intention to really say we aren't supposed to be giving cards to them in the first place?

2) I usually hate going out on VDay with someone I'm not sure I want to pursue romantically. I don't want to lead them in the wrong direction if in fact I'm not into them. Some people feel pressure to find Vday dates like they do New Years Eve dates. I don't. VDay is made to be spent with those you love. Be it your husband/wife, kids or girlfriends (don't think guys would hang like that, but maybe). If I don't love you or had time to establish a strong like- lets hang out February 15th.

3) If someone ask you out for VDay and they aren't someone you're dating/seeing, do you go Dutch? Or because they invited you do they pay? Do you give a gift or card? It seem presumptous to go empty handed.

4)In dating, at what number should the woman offer to contribute? At what number date should she offer to pay the whole thing? I watched Oprah once and this dating guru said, unquestioningly, the man pays for the first two dates. I usually make the offer to help pay by the second date (with the thought that he asked me out so he should pay, otherwise I would have been saving my money buying me a five dollar foot long ast Subways rather than a 20 dollar dinner at random restuarant). By the third date I offer to pay the whole thing. Secretly though, if a guy prefers I NOT pay he gets bonus points (call it liking to be treated to things). I've been out with guys who've asked me to pay the tip on the first date- they got negative points.

5) I just came from watching He's Just Not That Into You which I really liked but still see as a romantic fairy tale. They made a good point in the begining. We're taught as little girls that a guy a likes you if he's mean to you (ie. pulls your pig tale). That resonates with us through adult hood and a lot of us have a hard time getting the hint that if a guy does us wrong or disappers its not necessarily simply because he's intimidated in some manner but really that he's just not into us.

6) If opposites attract is it better not to date someone who is essentially a female or male version of yourself? If you're basically just alike will that lead to boredom?

7) Why is it that some events charge more for being single than a couple. For instance an event might be $20 per person and $15 per couple. How is that fair? It's as if they are penalizing you for being single!

8) Dating gurus say now it's wrong to ask a guy, as part of the first few questions, what they do for a living. I've always made a practice of not asking but them sometimes I forget to ask and I do think what someone does for a living is a big part of who they are. If they are an ER doc that's important to know because they won't have much free time.

9) If you don't have immediate chemistry with someone on the first date? Do you date them again to see if it will come? If so, how many more dates?

10) Why is it that when "friends" you haven't heard from in years get married they invite you to the wedding but when they have a birthday party, probably at some awesome club or destination you get no invite? Is it because at the wedding that will guarantee presents? If that is the goal then is it wrong not to invite people to functions who don't give gifts? I secretly believe that outside of close family and friends the couple really invites the rest to get gifts or a way to get reimbersement for the gifts they gave the attendees for their weddings.

Ahh, the commercialism of love is in the air! Happy Valentine's Day

OOOOKAAAY

Just have to comment on some random things in the media thats got a girl scratching her curly little head.

Little Kim on Dancing with the Stars? I'm a bit veklimpted here (since this is really a made up word from Mike Myers skit in SNL I'll spell it how I like, thanks!). One can only assume she is trying to reinvent her image here for a classier one. And as we grow older I can't blame her for wanting to be more sophisticated. Especially coming from suck a less than classy rapping past. However, if she plans to resurrect her rapping career will it be in a differnt light? Because after doing this show, the hardcore Kim isn't really going to be there. I'm intrigued. I'm also wishing she hadn't gotten so much plastic surgery. Not sure I want to see her every week looking so on-the-road-to-Micheal-Jackson-like.

Chris Brown arrested? Just when you think you can count on some Black Stars to keep their nose clean this goes and happens. Thats like Nick Cannon or Will Smith getting arrested. I'm curious what really happened. It was a battery charge against an unnamed female who some assume was Rihanna although her camp says she is well (but well as can be expected or well as in nothing happened to her?). I have a hard time imaginging Chris Brown beating on anyone let alone a woman but I don't know him so we'll have to see.

Micheal Phelps and smoking the mary jane. Okay, so I am neutral on this. Obviously doing drugs is a bad thing. But he's not doing anything out of the norm. He's a 23 year old man/boy with a load of althletic pressure on him. It's not surprising that he engaged in some rec drug use. And I'm not mad that some of his sponsors pulled the plug on him. He is a role model whether he asked for it or not. And when he does wrong, he certainly shouldn't get paid for it but parents surely shouldn't be telling their kids to be like him anyway. Outside of swiming like a fish that's all he ever showed he was ready for. Focus on his athletic performance not his life style. That's the parents role.


The lady with 14 kids who will be raising them alone? She is like the old woman who lived in a shoe (although she's only in her early thirties). This seems like a nightmare to me. I mean one child would cut me back on my clothes shopping but 14 would have me wearing potato sacks! But in all seriousness, this opens up yet another legal-moral-medical query. I've always been iffy on invetro when there are so many kids who need adoption although I understand the need to want to have a biological child. However, when someone already has 6 kids and they are a single parent, someone needs to step in and say something. This opens up a whole new side of a woman's right to choose. To choose to keep having kids beyond what she can really handle. Does the gov't have the right to step in and say you can't have anymore b/c you have too many or b/c you are unfit, b/c you are disabled, and so forth?