I actually posted this on Tuesday but did a double post so not sure anyone saw it (and I'm lazy and don't have anything new to post just this minute)..
So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.
When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.
As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?
This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.
Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!
Friday, April 10, 2009
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Violence in the Time of Economic Down Turn
We’ve heard about the gunman that killed eight people, blaming it on the loss of his job and the man who is robbing convenience stores with his child along due to losing his job and the list goes on. History shows us that violence and economic suffering go hand in hand.
There are few peaceful very poor countries. During the time of the Great Depression lynchings against blacks rose. And it makes sense.
When you are without money you become desperate which causes you to take on options you never thought you would. I was watching some show about how more corporate women who have been laid off are now going to stripping to earn a similar amount of money. Cop killings are also on the rise.
There is the frustration that no one can do anything and no one cares. Unfortunately these killers are taking it out on the wrong people. Innocent people who have no control over their situation. Not that I’m encouraging them to attack wall street workers or bankers. Yet this was a concern at the G20 summit in London where wall street workers were encouraged not to come into work that day due to protestors.
Until this economy goes for the better and jobs are regained I don’t think that we’ll see a change. If it doesn’t change then maybe small town middle America will become a place where you lock your doors at night and hold tight to your purses walking down the street, not just the big cities.
There are few peaceful very poor countries. During the time of the Great Depression lynchings against blacks rose. And it makes sense.
When you are without money you become desperate which causes you to take on options you never thought you would. I was watching some show about how more corporate women who have been laid off are now going to stripping to earn a similar amount of money. Cop killings are also on the rise.
There is the frustration that no one can do anything and no one cares. Unfortunately these killers are taking it out on the wrong people. Innocent people who have no control over their situation. Not that I’m encouraging them to attack wall street workers or bankers. Yet this was a concern at the G20 summit in London where wall street workers were encouraged not to come into work that day due to protestors.
Until this economy goes for the better and jobs are regained I don’t think that we’ll see a change. If it doesn’t change then maybe small town middle America will become a place where you lock your doors at night and hold tight to your purses walking down the street, not just the big cities.
The Blame Game
So I just watched my new favorite reality show Tough Love on VHI (Sundays at 10pm) and was particularly involved with the story line of the 39 year old single successful and beautiful woman. She had connected quite well with a man that the match maker set her up with. They’d been going on a few dates until he asked the dreaded question all women hate to hear “Why are you still single?”.
When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.
As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?
This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.
I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.
Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!
When you are young this question is just random conversation in the dating world. “You’re so pretty, you’re successful, I’m surprised some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet.” At 24, you laugh and smile. At 30, you sigh and say “I just haven’t met the right one” instead of what you really want to say “I’m surrounded by losers, the pickings is slim”. At close to 40 you probably, as this woman didn’t, don’t want to talk about it. It’s most likely an especially sore subject by then and one of much frustration. And the guy wouldn’t let it go, instead he says “why haven’t you done match, why havent’ you put yourself out there?” As if he knew how she handled herself or that she would automatically meet someone by doing an online dating site.
As we age, the longer we are single the more society views us as having something wrong with us. No matter what Sex and the City tried to do for the single 30 something (and although I’m not there yet, I wouldn’t be surprised if I was) the stigma still remains. As the matchmaker told her, it’s almost as if we prefer a woman in her thirties, especially a pretty one with a good personality, to be divorced over never being married. It gives us some sense of understanding of the situation otherwise how could such a woman be single for so long?
This woman dealt with it very calmly around him but when she came back to the shows mansion she kirked out and her fellow single gals had to calm her down. At 39 I’d imagine that having some guy give you the third degree trying to find out what’s wrong with you because you’re single is quite frustrating.
I particularly related to her story because I get that all the time and dispise that question with all my might. Guys don’t understand why I’m single and I feel like I have to defend myself when asked. To assure them that nothing is wrong with me because you usually get the next question is: when was your last long term relationship? If the relationship was long ago they make the determination (yes I’ve been asked) that I must not like being in long term relationships. Why else would I choose to be single? It’s not that I want to be single it’s that I don’t want to be in an unfullling relationship. Why date for the sake of dating? And who feels like, every time they date, going into the long spiel about how they just haven’t found the right one, the past guys were jerks, the area doesn’t have a lot of eligible men and so forth.
Dating becomes less about a fun time to hopefully lead to a relationship and becomes more of an intense interview for a competitive job. So yeah, she kirked out and I get it!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Music on My Mind This Month
Some of these songs are new, some aren't but I just go with whatever catches my spirit at the moment.
Therapy- India Arie- I just love her and this song makes me happy!
Brandy- Right here (Departed) Although it’s a bit old (came out in 2008), I was reintroduced to it and it's another hopeful song.
Knock Me Down- Keri Hilson, with NeYo and Kanye, what a great collaboration. And Ms. Hilson is making me want to chop my hair off again ( but maybe I'lll just get a short weave).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FF5Q1jr28PM
Ayo- Life is Real- Another old one (but I really feel for neo sould sometimes it takes a minute for some to get on the bandwagon because its hard to find)- and I love songs set in Africa
Mos Def- Life in Marvelous Times- heard this song in commercials for this weeks episode of House which my boy Mos Def guest stared in so had to hear the whole song. (side note, why do I understand him better when he raps then when he actually speaks?)
Kid Cudi- Day and Night- this is such a simple sounding rap which I like. I prefer to hear the words. I actually like the dance remix as well so I have both here. You'll found that the "black" radio versions play the regular one and the "white" radio stations seem to only play the dance remix version (much like is done with Kanye's Heartbreaker, dunno why). I likes both.
original
remix
Kevin Rudolf- Welcome to the World- a good jogging song
Thursday, March 26, 2009
Random Things
Sorry I've been M.I.A. I've been getting back into my fictional writing trying to get it published worthy.
Get me for my paper
If the US Post Office stops delivering mail on Saturdays they could save 3 billion dollars a year. I’m all for saving money especially on that scale. I don’t think I’d be too broken hearted if I had to wait till Monday. Now if we could get them to stop delivering junk mail and unsolicited mail that would be wonderful- wonder how much money that would save.
The Popos put you on blast
In some state (forgot where) prostitution is a big problem so the police are considering sending letters home to the wives of men who are caught with a prostitution. Now obviously this is controversial. Some men feel that is an invasion of privacy but women would want to know if for nothing else, health concerns. Here’s how I see it. Should a man be hiding from his wife that he is going to court on a solicitation of prostitution charge? How can you hide that from your wife anyway? And you’re a jerk if you try to hide it. Now some men feel this is a whole guilty until proven innocent (I mean they could have simply been giving a poor prostitute a ride home and nothing more). Well fine, explain that to the wife and leave it to her to believe you or not. I’m sorry, but I’d like to know if my husband has been arrested. I’m not for keeping secrets in a marriage especially ones of those caliber. And seeing that technically adultery is still illegal (although no one brings it to court anymore) that’s not necessarily the husbands right to keep it quiet. If he was arrested for murder or some other heinous crime that wouldn’t be kept quiet so why should this? I’m just saying…
Too Bootilious for you baby
So a friend stated that bigger (and in his mind big is size 6/8 and up) black women could not attract really good looking white men because they (white men) don’t like that size. Now seeing as most black women are that size and up he basically states that most white men who are attractive wouldn’t like black women. I told him he was wrong and gave examples, he didn’t believe me and wanted to challenge me saying that those men only wanted to sleep with black women but weren’t interested in seriously dating them or marrying them. I stopped arguing, feeling the whole thing was not only offensive but futile and labeled him an ass.S ince I had given up being annoyed at people for lent lets just say I fell off the wagon. Some people deserve to be beat in the head severely with a verbal assult.
Get me for my paper
If the US Post Office stops delivering mail on Saturdays they could save 3 billion dollars a year. I’m all for saving money especially on that scale. I don’t think I’d be too broken hearted if I had to wait till Monday. Now if we could get them to stop delivering junk mail and unsolicited mail that would be wonderful- wonder how much money that would save.
The Popos put you on blast
In some state (forgot where) prostitution is a big problem so the police are considering sending letters home to the wives of men who are caught with a prostitution. Now obviously this is controversial. Some men feel that is an invasion of privacy but women would want to know if for nothing else, health concerns. Here’s how I see it. Should a man be hiding from his wife that he is going to court on a solicitation of prostitution charge? How can you hide that from your wife anyway? And you’re a jerk if you try to hide it. Now some men feel this is a whole guilty until proven innocent (I mean they could have simply been giving a poor prostitute a ride home and nothing more). Well fine, explain that to the wife and leave it to her to believe you or not. I’m sorry, but I’d like to know if my husband has been arrested. I’m not for keeping secrets in a marriage especially ones of those caliber. And seeing that technically adultery is still illegal (although no one brings it to court anymore) that’s not necessarily the husbands right to keep it quiet. If he was arrested for murder or some other heinous crime that wouldn’t be kept quiet so why should this? I’m just saying…
Too Bootilious for you baby
So a friend stated that bigger (and in his mind big is size 6/8 and up) black women could not attract really good looking white men because they (white men) don’t like that size. Now seeing as most black women are that size and up he basically states that most white men who are attractive wouldn’t like black women. I told him he was wrong and gave examples, he didn’t believe me and wanted to challenge me saying that those men only wanted to sleep with black women but weren’t interested in seriously dating them or marrying them. I stopped arguing, feeling the whole thing was not only offensive but futile and labeled him an ass.S ince I had given up being annoyed at people for lent lets just say I fell off the wagon. Some people deserve to be beat in the head severely with a verbal assult.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Tough Love: Girl does not meet boy
I was watching this show with a guy friend of mine and this beautiful woman in her mid thirties stated that she had never been in a serious relationship and he did not get how that could happen. I told him it was a lot easier than he thought. I know a good amount of women in their thirties who haven’t dated in almost a decade. Now I’ve been single for an ion but I can at least say I have had the fortune (or some times misfortune) to consistently date but I get how a woman, even one that looks like Halle Berry with a Michele Obama intelligence and a Oprah personality, can be single for a long long time. So I ask you:
Where the men at?
If you are in a situation where you don’t work, live or worship around eligible men, you’re kind of in a rut. Outside of school, we rarely are in situations on a consistent basis where we are around eligible bachelors. You are kind of limited on possibilities except for rare fluke encounters at the store or gym.
So, I gotta ask, where does a single gal go? The idea of doing something just to meet a man doesn’t sit well with me but I understand that you have to put yourself in places to be seen as well. Which leads me to my new favorite reality show: Tough love. Which is basically a dating boot camp headed by this male match maker. Eight beautiful women, ranging from 21 to 38 are given dating overhauls to try to find what they are doing wrong. Maybe it's not that men aren't out there, maybe they are putting off a vibe that runs the good ones away. For some it's obvious: there's the cold one, the one who constantly talks about marriage, the one who wants to be save a dude, the partier, the gold digger. But there were some women I could relate to, particularly the woman who had a fairy tale idea of what she wanted and the woman who put up a cold facade. Nothing like seeing a characteristic you can relate to on another person to make you take a second look at yourself.
The show is by the creators of He's Just Not That Into You and I think I'll follow it to see if it's actually possible that I might learn something too. Though I'm not ruling out the idea that Baltimore is limited in eligible singles, I know that I can't change my surroundings so maybe by reevaluating what I can change (myself) maybe I might start attracting the the type of men I really want to date. We'll see.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
I don't have to do anything but stay black and die
And if you've seen Lean on Me you remember that quote from Joe Clark (aka Morgan Freeman) when he was arrested.This saying came recently to my head when my sister expressed the problem of being invited to a friend's baby shower although she didn't want to go. This friend wasn't someone she was particularly close to, hadn't hung out with them for a while and she was tight on cash.
I too had been invited to this baby shower and had not hung out with this "friend" or even talked to this person in about two years. So what was my answer when she approached me with this problem? See the title.
Life is too short to do things you don't want to do, unless of course there is a greater good or goal to be reached.
This wasn't that situation so I told her don't do it.
I'm know I'm not an old lady whose lived her life and can pretty much tell people to "sit and spin" with wild abandon but as I get older I think I earn a little right along the way to say "hell to the no" to a few things that come my way. And going to certain social functions so someone I'm not that close to won't be mad at me is one of them.
There are a lot of people I don't owe crap too and some of these people I choose to give to anyway, perhaps because they need it. Giving to others is supposed to make you feel good. If it doesn't then don't do it or think carefully before you do.
If you keep giving of your time, money and energy to ungrateful, rude, selfish people you'll only end up full of resentment and anger. Why go there?
I used to go to birthday parties of people who never came to mine. So in essence I was spending all this money on birthday gifts and never got it cosmically returned (although that's not what giving is all about) but still I felt bad. I went to their parties to be nice but they didn't go to mine. They didn't care about my feelings- they were probably feeling the title here. So I decided to save my money and do the same.
Is that mean?
I think life is too short to go broke caring.
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